How do you get over it?

[MrsFabuloso]

How do you reconcile with the fact that you aren't having any more children? Particularly when you feel you want more??
DH is adament he does not want more children. I wouldn't mind at least one more, maybe even two. But he really, really doesn't want anymore. He is even researching vasectomy's and using condoms (even though he hates them) because I told him the only contraception I would use now would be his responsibility. A bit childish I know, but well it's been my responsibility for 10years, now it's his turn! Plus maybeit's in the hope he'll get lazy one day....I have made it crystal clear to DH that I would have more children in a heart beat, so it's not that I have this want (or feeling of NEED!) and he doesn't know.
I'm trying to think in the way that if we are meant to have more children then they will come to us. But in saying that if we do have more children I would want them before I'm 35, which is in 4 years.
How do I come to terms with the likelyhood that we are finished having children? How did you? Does it get easier as your children get older?

[foreva*your*mummy]

All I can say is I will be watching with antisipation at others answers. We are currently pregnant with number 3 and my DH is adamant that there will be no more after this. I still want more and dont know how you get to the point where you KNOW you have had enough. I drop hints and he knows that I want more. I dont have the answers for you sorry, but good luck and I hope someone comes along with them

[~Kim~]

I'm not sure that you ever do really. I'm not sure I can ever, and it's not even DH saying no more. It's my body that can't carry anymore babies.
I still feel heartbroken everytime I think about it. I guess over time the need will be less, but here there are two of us feeling the same way, so that's kind of comforting. DH even said to me last night - lets do it again....I nearly cried.
A friend once said to me, you know you're done and over it when you no longer look at pregnant women and wish....it stilll seems to me that all the women I see are pregant or have new babies.

[MrsFabuloso]

Kim, big, big hugs hun. I think your situation is a little different to mine in that your body is unable to carry a baby. Your DH wouldn't mind another. Maybe there would be another way you could have more? You must feel betrayed by your body in some ways. I can't imagine how hard that is

But, I know what you mean about everyone seeming to be pg or having new bubs. I long to have that feeling of a baby inside me again. Even though I know when I am pg, I don't really like it! But just to feel the baby kick and grow and know that it is made by DH and my love. Another sibling for my 'already babes'. I just feel so....unfinished. There's a little spot in my heart that is empty. It all sounds so corny!

[christy]

I still have twinges of wanting more children. DH said no the week I gave birth to DD2. Its been nearly 3 years and now I'm ready to embark on the next stage of our lives. I am now 36 and don't really want another baby (newborn). I've compromised with DH this week and said if I'm not having any more babies... I want to rear baby animals again so I have that something for me to nurture more. He thinks I nurture enough, but I want it. Its my replacement....

[BekZ]

I think about this daily at the moment. I am fortunate to have 3 beautiful girls, but DH and I are still considering the possibilty of ttc number 4. However number 4 means a larger financial commitment, and it would delay me going back to work/study and I kind of want to get myself back a little and get on with developing a relationship with my DH.

Buuuttt I so love being pregnant, giving birth and having a newborn around the house.

I fight with the possibility of never carrying another baby again..I feel sad about this prospect but I do have learn how to move on at some point...I guess!!!

[MamaPan]

I have been wondering this too - I know I willhave 1 more and maybe 2 but i just love having a baby in the house.. i think i will be sad when i know it is the last time i will get that falling in lovefeeling.

[Freya]

You dont, You just get on with it.

But Im ?lucky? enough that I am single atm so there is a chance I could meet someone who wants kids (or more kids) and get to do it atleast once more.

On the other hand I feel a bit like Christy does.........the older the kids get the more I feel that its time to move on and do not want to do the whole newborn thing again.

[sasha]

Haha, I'm in the same boat. Actually I've pretty much decided that we will start ttc again next year. M wanted 4 originally, but like you I wanted to be finished by the time I'm 35, and I'm 33 now, so unless it's twins I don't see it happening! Three would be it for us - four means a different kind of car, and we simply would be bursting at the seams in the house we're in if there were 6 people living here (with 5 it will be a squeeze!) Plus as others have said, I would like to work outside the home at some point, and having more than three would put a big financial strain on us all.


My mum was like you Kim - giving birth to me was the final straw (and she was "old" for those days ie 35). While all 3 of her pregnancies were difficult, and she had to spend lengthy times in hospital while pregnant with all of us, and suffered bleeding and all sorts... she still felt so sad that she couldn't have any more. As it was they were concerned either she or I would die before I was born. She says although she knew she couldn't do it, it didn't stop her wanting to.

[~Kim~]

thanks girls for the kind words, but you know what, at the same time like Christy I am ready for the next phaseI am greatful for the two I've been given.