How can you get a toddler to listen???

[BhoysGirl]

Or - is there an exchange depot where I could swap him for a more rational one???

Seriously, 3 minutes ago he asked for Beans, but put the beans in front of him and it's "No beans, no beans.....yoghurt..." . Now he's standing next to me, upset because the drink bottle he was just holding, well he just let go of it & it dropped on his foot....

To the best of my ability, I have subscribed to the whole gentle parenting approach (or my understanding of it). I try very hard to stay calm with him, and don't yell (okay, I've had a couple of lapses, but extreme frustration/exhaustion/human-ness), I spend a lot of time talking to him at his eye level, I play with him, I give him loads of cuddles, but it's like if he doesn't like what I'm saying, then I get kicked, hit, pinched, punched, scratched...none of which he has seen at home, cos his Dad & I just aren't like that (which is just as well for DH)

But right now, I'm just at a loss of what to do with him..and I don't really want to swap, I'd just like him to listen to me a bit more...and not hit out at me so much.

So, what do you do to get your toddler to understand and accept what you've said????

[kirsty_lee]

Oh, I am going through the same thing with my dd atm (she's almost 18 months) and I've tried the calm approach but like you it's wearing pretty bloody thin. Everynight it's a struggle with dinner (well not everynight some rare night's it's ok) but she'll be ok eating off her fork. Then she's not interested and you struggle but she'll eat it off my fork.. then she'll get over that and then she'll take it off dp's fork lol it's really stupid. But we're going through a no listening phase atm and things that she KNOWS and i know she knows, that she isn't allowed to do, she'll do them and it's driving me bonkers but i think she's just testing the waters. So atm I have no advice cause I am struggling to get it under control myself though, it's bloody hard sometimes

[Spring Angel]

My advice, walk away.

When DS is just in a mood then I say to him

'mummy doesn't like it when you hit/pinch/whinge, I'm going over to the couch to read books quietly. When you can behave you are welcome to join me.'

Then I walk away. If he follows me and continues with the rubbish I just do the same thing again.

Sometimes it ramps up the tanty more but usually it works. If he is just in a feral mood I will go to my room and just read a book or something, ignore the bad behaviour and before long he comes around.

HTH
Spring

[Ozziehoffy]

Or - is there an exchange depot where I could swap him for a more rational one???

ooooh I think that the queue would be HUGE!! Many, many, many days recently I think I could've lined up there very easily! I feel exhausted from speaking most days. I feel so drained because I also have a teenager and it seems that the listening skills of both are very much on a par! Oh yay! NOT! I have tried, like you, the whole quiet gentle voice, eye contact etc. *sighs* I pray for patience and strength because there are days where I feel so pushed that it takes everything in my power not to lash out. Some days, like today I will admit (and yesterday too actually) where I do yell, I lose the plot - I feel like a pressure cooker to be honest! Part of it is I'm tired emotionally, physically and mentally at the moment and it's not helping at all.

I have no ideas at all at the moment, so will keep an eye on the replies!! Just know that you are NOT alone.

SA, might have to try that one myself. Today I did do the whole "mummy doesn't like it when...." will keep up that one and see if it does help.

[LucaJack'sMum]

Just letting you know I am also following this thread cos my 3 y.o DS is exactly the same... I am really not flavour of the month round here with him, infact I'm pretty sure my flavour is brussel sprouts. Feeling very unloved by him!

Good luck (to us both!)

[Twin Sister]

Are you sure you aren't describing my DS??

Ds is 22 months old and I babysit a friend's little girl (full time) who just turned 2. DS is constantly shoving, kicking, or jumping on her and so she is constantly crying and whining (and boy does she have a set of lungs on her). He knows the rules and will say "no hit, dangerous" or "no touch Ruthie" but he still does it all the time. I try really hard not to yell and get down on his level and tell him "no hit, that hurts" or "no touch she doesn't like it" but he doesn't listen at all and 5 minutes later he's doing it again and I'm pulling my hair out. Time-outs don't work with him (he likes them) and after 20 times of telling him nicely to stop I am starting to yell out of pure frustration.

[Janie]

Hey hun, sounds exactly like my house! I'm so glad I'm not the only one that gets beaten up by my son . I (mostly) do what Spring does, tell him that I'm not happy with whatever he's doing, and that I'm going to do something else. He can come and be with me when he's calmed down. Often it leads to him lying down and having a big tanty, but when he gets no response he very quickly drops it and comes over to play with me.

Good luck!

[Mum2SweetCs]

*SUBSCRIBE TO THREAD*

Seriously, now I understand why my mum has such a high pitched voice! From all the yelling!

Everytime I say "NO, do not touch that" to DD, she looks at me, gives a cheeky smile and then slowly touches whatever i tell her not to touch and repeatedly touches it until I go over there and distracts her with something else!!!

[LucaJack'sMum]

....any other solutions out there from the Wonder Mums?? LOL.... had a rough day today with DS (3yo)....

[Visitor7]

With the hitting/biting/kicking, I ignore it. Walk away, change the subject. DD1 has never done that, but DD2 started doing it to me (& only me ). It works if I don't react.

The best peace advise I can give, which has worked for DD1 when she refuses to listen, or throws a massive tanty, is to explain what she is doing.
Explain how it makes you feel, that what he just did hurt you. It won't work first go, it'll take a while, which is why persistence is the key. One day when you least expect it, he'll stop doing it and say 'sorry Mummy'.

[MrsFabuloso]

Three words....patience, persistence and consistency. That's it. That's what I've found works best in my house. Keep your cool, explain at their level of understanding and do the same the next time they do what ever it is that you don't want them to. It does sink in eventually!

[Evie76]

Short answer to "How do you get a toddler to listen"

"YA DON'T"

They are selectively deaf - unless you say "ice cream" they ain't interested.

[Chocaholic]

Three words....patience, persistence and consistency. That's it. That's what I've found works best in my house. Keep your cool, explain at their level of understanding and do the same the next time they do what ever it is that you don't want them to. It does sink in eventually!

Completely agree. Oh, and if incredibly desperate because I feel like I am going to explode, the "Dora (or Diego depending on who the favourite is today) doesn't do that". Usually works a treat. Thank God for Dora the Explorer and Go, Diego, Go!!

[Nai]

Be patient (I know it's not easy) but it does get better. You have just described DD1 about 18 months ago and fortunately she is now a much more rational being to the point that tanty throwing is no longer a daily occurrence. I found that when she was very frustrated she would lash out physically at us so I would just remove her from us and the situation. They do tend to improve as their language develops - which brings its own new set of challenges

BTW - congratulations