im not coping so good..

[Stevie]

Im not really sure where to put this, so feel free to move it if its in the wrong place.

My baby is a week old today.. and i am not coping so well.i cry over everything and i freak out all the time that im going to do soemthing wrong. or hurt her. or something.
then to top it off, my bfing is going horribly she has torn my nipple apart so ive started using nipple protectors but coz they are so cracked and bleeding they dont really do much. i also have an infection in my boobs, they were so big and sore, i went to the doc and they put me on meds.
obviously im not sleeping well, so mix this all together and im a mess, i dont know what to do, i feel like such a failure, im a crap mum, i want to stop bfing coz its so painful, but dh wont let me, he says her health is mpre important than mine and i should stop being selfish, and that my boobs will heal soon enough,
i feel like i cant do this, but i look at my little girl and then feel worse for feeling so weak, she needs me. how can i be so selfish and have a break down?

this is more of a vent than anything,no response necassary.
thanks

[Arimeh]

Stevie - huge hugs mate - its not easy having a newborn, especially your first, because everything is so new and just seems foreign. You won't hurt her though - well unless you plan on throwing her against the wall or something

Baby blues are common, but you might want to go to the GP and have a quick check up for PND.

Ring the ABA for advice on bfing - I can't help you there, I gave up with DS when he was 3 days old because I had shredded nipples too and could feel myself getting depressed because it wasn't supposed to be like this - nobody tells you that bfing is natural and everything - but it can be bloody painful too.

If you want to continue bfing - do so because you want to, not because of what your DH wants, he's not the one with the sore nipples!!! Its great that he is so protective of your baby's health, but he has to have some concern for yours as well. If mama bear isn't well - nobody is.

Can you try expressing or something until your nipples heal?

Hang in there sweet - its a huge learning curve, and we all go through it, but you'll be right and soon be offering advice to other first time mothers!

[Dansta]

you're do a fantasic job. have you tried feeding whilest laying down? thus being able to sleep while she feeds? maybe try and see an Lactation consultant and see if she's attaching right.

your DH needs a kick up the bum, if your not healthy, then how is your body ment to make milk? you're brillant mum - and i think we all go thought the "but i'll hurt them" thing when they're new borns - i did with DS, but they're strong little mights your doing good. keep talking as well, im sure there'll be more wiser women then me pop in and offer some support/advice

[kirsty_lee]

Don't feel like your a crap mum darl. We all go through it. First week or so is usually really stressful in a mummy's life, even if you've done it before! And it's even harder when you have sore nipples and boob infections! I know what it's like to want to give up on the breast feeding. I know it doesn't feel like it but it will get better I promise! I remember my first week of breast feeding all I did was cry. DD was a total snack feeder so she was feeding every 20 minutes all day and all night and I was exhausted and soooo sore, but it did get easier. It probably really just doesn't feel like it right now. Just be kind to yourself. your not a bad mummy, a bad mummy wouldn't be in here talking about how guilty she felt kwim? Try going to the chemist, or even talk to your doctor to see if there are any creams you can put on your nipples to stop them from being so sore. I know you can use Bepanthen on them.

[*Infinity*]

Stevie, just wanted to give you a big squishy hug mate.

Those first few weeks are really challenging. I remember it well, I was an absolute mess so please don't feel like youre alone, or that there is anything wrong with you. I totally under-estimated the power of those hormones and couldn't believe what a mess I felt.

I second everything Mel has said. If you feel like the blues are persisting do see your GP, but in them meantime get some advice and support about the BF issues at the moment. Either call the ABA 1800 mum2mum I think or see a Lactation Consultant either privately or through the hospital where you birthed. Whether you choose to continue BF or not, they can still help you through the infections and hurt nipples. Hopefully some of the ladies from the BF support forums can drop in and offer some more advice.

You need people around you to support you, have you got someone nearby who can help you get some rest and help with meals, cooking etc.

Good luck x

[CrazyLady]

Sounds exactly like me when I first got home from hossie! It gets better, way better. Maybe see if the MCHN has a counciller she can send over? I found it incredibly helpful for someone to tell me that i wasn't insane and an unbiased opinion on the situation helped too. Keep your chin up chicky, it'll soon pass. baby blues are awful but thankfully usually pass quickly.

[Oscar&Grouch]

aww honey. i dont have any advice except hang in there
you are not a crap mother, you are just learning like every other mother has had to.
when i first had my little man i felt exactly the same, felt like i couldnt cope but you can and you will get through it.
im sorry your having problems feeding
if you ever wanna chat/vent feel free to pm me.

Hope everything gets a little better for you

[*becstar*]

Oh you are not a crap Mum.

All the girls have said it and we've all been there....It's such a massive change!!!!

It is important for you to feel happy. I know it's hard to put yourself first but sometimes you have to. without going into huge detail I had massive hospital pressure to BF DS1 and I got so depressed for a number of reasons and the day I made the decision to bottle feed I felt so much lighter. Now in saying that, I just BF DS2 and it was by far the best experience ever and I regret not persisiting more with DS1. BUT at the time it was the right thing to do, and I don't regret that.

How can you be a crap mum when you are wanting to do everything right by DD?? You can't go wrong when your heart is in the right place.

It will come together hun, it will. And you will look back and remember how hard it was but it will get easier.

Talk to your MCHN.......tell her exactly how you are feeling. She should do a quick questionnaire for PND and will be able to tell you if you should see the GP or not. If you want to BF contact the ABA. You don't need to be a member. I used the LC from the hospital I gave birth in and she was brilliant.

Don't be scared to say IRL you need help. Every woman who's ever had a baby will NOT think any less of you. It's universal and I always feel it's like a secret club No one can understand until you've been there

Hang in there.

xxx

[Jennifer13]

It sounds like you've had a rough introduction to motherhood and bfing. Hang in there, hun, it will get better.

I second getting an someone to come and help you with your bfing troubles. If you post in the bfing section, hopefully Barb will pop in and recommend someone whose local to you. It shouldn't hurt like that and it shouldn't be damaging your nipples. If you can get help with that and bf with no pain it will no doubt help you feel a little better.

You will not hurt your baby, but the adjustment to managing a tiny newborn if you haven't had much experience with babies before is tough. But don't worry, your DD is new to the whole being a baby thing and she thinks you're the best Mummy ever! Be kind to yourself. Do you have any support? Is your DH taking some time off? Please phone others who've offered to help and ask for some practical support (cleaning, cooking meals, picking up some groceries, etc). Take it easy where you can and focus on looking after yourself and DD only.

I hope you feel better soon.

[fi1980]

Oh Stevie I'm so sorry you are feeling this way

Like everyone else has said it sounds completely normal. Onviously I don't have any personal experience yet as I'm still waiting for my little princess to arrive but during my antenatal classes the midwife did cover this and reassured us that it is completely normal to have these feelings. If they do persist then I would suggest going to see your GP but for the moment please stop being so hard on yourself! Sounds like you are doing a really wonderful job and you should be so proud of yourself!

I would definitely call the ABA to get some advice about feeding and as some have suggested maybe try expressing for a day or two to let your poor sore boobs heal.

Hang in there hun, I'm sure things will improve really soon. You are an excellent mother!

Fi x

[Cassius2]

I'm going to voice pretty much what the other girls have said in here!

Like although a big obvious statement, it is such a HUGE shift suddenly finding ourselves in this 24/7 mode of parenthood. no amount of preparation (IMO) can ever fully equip someone with the full grasping of that concept. I remember when my DD was 3 weeks old and i went to my first mothers group meeting at the MACH centre. i was walking back with another mum and we were both fairly quiet...i think both on the verge of 'totally-overwhelmed-what-the-hell-have-we-done' mode, when she turned to me and said: 'i never knew how much 24/7, 24/7 actually was until i had my son'. and in my sleep deprived (eloquent way LOL!) i replied: 'yeaahhhhh'. LOL!

everyone will say that the first weeks are the hardest, and they are not lying. even for mummas going through it time and time again. the first 6 weeks in particular are just hairy maclary all round...and trust me, i KNOW that someone saying 'oh it's only for the first 6 weeks' sounds like AGES AWAY, but it will pass. like the others have said, hang in there, one foot in front of the other (and maybe a couple back at times!). but you will ALL get there.

my tips for the day are to see your MACH nurse at the local centre (if you yet dont know where yours is, check out your blue book or ask the nurse who visits at home...if she hasnt already). I also HIGHLY recommend joining a mothers group; many are run through the MACH centres (except QLD i believe...sorry forgot to check your location) and these are run for first-time parents and can be a great way to meet IRL other mummas with bubs of similar ages. great grounding experience and opportunity to cry big phat snotty-riddled tears with others

BUT most importantly, if you know, deep down in your heart (like i did) that the way you feel is beyond that of 'baby blues' (and, like me, read all the chapters in my baby books on differences between baby blues and PND and *know* that you are really, kinda, sorta in the PND section...but that is way too scary hard-basket) and that you 'know' that anxiety is something different to 'normal' anxiousness, then take yourself to your MACH nurse and ask for some help. it can be really hard to get them to listen to you in the first 3 months as they try to sort out possible influencing factors (like sleep issues, BF issues...all of which are really important...)

BUT, ultimately PND is exclusive of this, so although sleep and BF are important to sort out, and will help relieve some of the problems, it might not be the 100% answer.

Get your nurse to give you further info, even if just to put on the fridge and forget. Asking for help even if not knowing what for is such a good step, no one should have to do this alone IMO! Also sometimes just simply having the nurse to talk to weekly can be great support for the early weeks, so if you seem to like her, organise for weekly catch-up as it can help with the anxiety (i found)

hang in there sweet, it will and does get better xx

[danita]

oh stevie W hugs to you. i had the same trouble breastfeeding my nipples were sore and cracked and bleeding i ended up expressing all feeds for my baby as it was to painful to feed i did this for 6 weeks, the thought of feeding him by breats was just too painful. expressing hardly hurt and was able to get enough milk for all feeds and was able to see how much bub was drinking which ment i got alot more sleep.

i felt really guilty giving it up and switching to formula but it was tiring and with mild carpel tunnel manual expressing wasnt good for that. the other alternative is a combination of breast nad formula feeding just replace a breast feed with a formula feed, your partner can do this feed while you get some sleep or rest my hubby used to do the 9pm feed so i had a good block of sleep till the next feed. we used expressed milk though.
crying is a normal process after having a baby but as the others said mighht be worth checking with your gp.

your a great mum and dont let anyone else tell you different, i hope your OH is a little more supportive with what ever you choose your health is important if you cant care for yourself you wont be able to care for others.

also once my baby turned 6 weeks - huge milestone, i stopped crying he slept more and i was overall happier. just take it ond day, one hour or one minute at a time.

sorry this is soo long BIG HUGS to you

[Softy]

As everyone has said hang in there it gets HEAPS better and easier The hormones that kick in are unreal and I don't think I realised how much until DD was almost 1! Remember the first day home from hospital breaking down crying cause DP hadn't dusted the house after having painted!!

Definately contact your MCHN, she can do a quick test for PND as someone else suggested...my DD had reflux and as a first timer not even knowing about reflux or anyone that had it I didn't cope all the best was down a fair bit so I did the quick test quite a few times!

Also see a lactation consultant if you do want to keep b/feeding maybe your MCHN can recommend one....I found a MCHN in a neighbouring suburb who was a lac consultant so I saw her and it was free. It's a totally new feeling b/feeding and you don't expect it to hurt but it quite often does at the beginning so you're not alone and don't feel bad. Your DH could be a little more supportive towards you, his heart may be in the right place for your bub but I found that my DP was also protective and quite often had suggestions that were totally off track IYKWIM! They don't really understand although they try to put in their 2 cents because they're the dad and they want to be a part...which you can understand but it's hard 1st time round as no-one know what to expect or do! Maybe when you b/f if it hurts ask him to stand behind you and massage your shoulders so you can relax and bub will sense it and maybe relax and feed a bit better? I had cracked nipples (not as bad as you by the sounds), and when DD fed my instinct was to send my shoulders to the ceiling in an 'ouch' relex...so and enhanced MCHN suggested he stand behind me and massage/lightly press my shoulders back down so I relaxed and DD could feed....it did work when he did it.

Other than that as someone else said....even if you think you know what you're in for...you have no idea until it happens! Just try to enjoy each day as something new or different will happen each day to make you smile so just concentrate on those little things that make you happy and before you know it things will be looking up and your DD will be thriving and you'll think 'what was I worried about' It's the biggest learning curve of your life so don't feel bad all bubs are different and none of them come with an instruction manual!! Feel free to contact me if you need to chat

[MantaRay]

Oh hun Those first few weeks can be so tough - it's a pity no-one warns you about it!

It is very normal to feel overwhelmed in the beginning. Damaged nipples however are not the way it should be and are very painful - so no wonder you are feeling so bad. Usually damaged nipples happen because attachment isn't quite right - have you heard of Baby Led Attachment? Often mums find that this works much better for them. Have a look at this - Australian Breastfeeding Association - Baby-led attachment. It might help.

Also, I really recommend a call to the 24 hour help line - 1800 mum 2 mum. They will have lots of suggestions.

FWIW, your partner is half right - your baby's health is important, but so is yours. If you can, stay in bed and just feed and rest for a couple of days

[Cassius2]

Don't be scared to say IRL you need help. Every woman who's ever had a baby will NOT think any less of you. It's universal and I always feel it's like a secret club No one can understand until you've been there

Hang in there.

xxx

:yeahthat:

totally agree!

[Softy]

Hi again, forgot to add for sore nipples you could try Lansino cream which you rub in or what I think works best and is free is to rub in some milk after or before a feed (or whenever you can) and let your boobies hang free. I found rubbing in some breast milk and walking around topless was the best way to heal them. And as Manta Ray said you need lots of rest in the first few weeks as it's a HUGE change, your hormones are racing and your body still needs rest after the birth....call on as much help around the house as you can so you can just concentrate on you and bub and nothing else!

[onthefly]

I think you really need some good real-life support. If there is anybody you can call on - family, friends, neighbours, ABA, MCHN, whoever - please do.

Like others have said, nobody will think less of you for asking for help. it's not a sign of being a bad mother to admit you are having trouble coping - NOBODY copes on their own (survive, maybe, but not cope) and anyone who's been a parent will understand.

As for breastfeeding, you need to get that fixed. You really can't go on with shredded nipples. The ABA are great and just a phone call away. They should be able to hook you up with a counsellor for help & perhaps even a pump - expressing & bottle feeding while your breasts heal might really help you.

Or, your local MCHN or the hospital where you gave birth may be able to direct you to a lactation consultant that can help you.

Yes your baby's health is important, but she is reliant on you and you need to be healthy too, so make sure you are looking after yourself.

[tellytubby]

Aww Stevie,

All of the ladies have said it, but i'll say it again - it really does get easier. I was a mess when i first got home with DD, would cry at the drop of a hat... I confided in a close friend, she told me that it was perfectly normal and that the first 6 weeks are the tough ones - from then on i was on the count down!

big big hugs
Youre an amazing mother xxx