This is going to come out as a jumble, but it is doing my head in so I just need to get it all out.
Earlier this year DH and I decided that we would have a 3rd child, after having DS I was certain that 2 was enough, even though we had reviously discussed 3. DS was a difficut baby, and DS and DD are only 18 months apart, so it was hard going in the early days and I was pretty sure that I didnt want to go through that again.
As DS got older I got back the urge to have another child, that undescribable longing to do it all again. It took a while for DH to come around to the idea, but eventually he did and we decided that we would start trying towards the end of this year (so nowish).
All is good and we have started TTC #3, but part of me is wondering if it is still the right thing to do- life is starting to get easier as the other 2 get older, I have what i think are good prospects at work, we have just bought our first home- I will be working more days next year meaning more money to do things. I have spent this year really focusing on getting fit and healthy and I am scared of undoing all that hard work.
I am scared that if I dont have #3 I will regret it, but I am also worried that I am doing it for selfish reasons, is the fact that I feel like I still need to have another child a good enough reason to do it. Of course if we were to get pg, I would be happy and love the baby, but I just dont know if it is the best thing to do right now. I know we could leave it and wait a year or so, but because DD & DS are so close in age, I dont want to have a big age gap with the third.
Ahhh its hard. We were going through the same thing, when DD was about 6 months, I was pretty happy with just the two, and then I thought, well I always wanted 3 - lets just do it. Got pregnant on the first month trying, so now I'll have 3 under 3.
And every day I think hmmm have I done the right thing??? Life is getting easier with the two of them now with DS getting older and understanding more, and DD is in a routine (except for the constant waking at night!) and we all just fit into our king size bed now - do we have room for another one!?!
I think everyone thinks about if they are doing the right thing or not. I've been told that everything just sorta falls into place and kids just slot into your family where they are supposed to. I'm hanging for that to be true!!!!!!
DH and i are also struggling with the yes/no do we have another baby, id love to be pregnant and birth again, but life with two will/is easier than 3, we have lots to consider-new car for me, bigger house so either moving or extending up both of which are expensive, id love to become a midwife so having more puts that off longer or off all togther, i have no advice, just support in saying that your not alone when it comes to such a big decsion!
I personally wouldn't make a decision either way, maybe wait 6 months or a year and then have another think about it. I do want another baby, DP is harder to convince, but even knowing how much I want another one I definately wouldnt do it for at least another year because I just wan time to make sure that I am sure
Ali I was in your postion this time last year.Although I didn't have the career thing happening I was/am thinking about working life after babies. I had a really strong urge to have another baby and H wanted to ttc for a boy so we decided to go for it and we got pregnant first time ttc. Now we have 3 girls under 4 (DD2 and DD3 being 19 months apart) and I wouldn't change it for the world....but!!
Having 3 does put a whole new dimension onto family life and parenting.I could handle most things by myself with just the 2 but now DH plays a lot bigger role in helping me with day to day things. I have never been so tired in all my life. But I think this has more to do with the small age gap between my last 2. DD2 is coming into terrific 2s with a bang iykwim lol. I find getting out and about with all 3 very difficult so I just stay at home mostly. I do feel a little isolated but I am comforted that this is only a short period in my life.
Looking at the big picture: To me a job is a job and you can always come back to it, although I do want a career of sorts. If you truely believe that you'll regret not having a 3rd child then go for it. I come from a 2 child family and I always wanted another sibling.
Thanks for all the replies and advice, I really appreciate it.
After lots of thinking about things over the last week, DH and I have come to the decision to put TTC on hold for another 6 months. I am not ready to say I am definatly not going to have another baby, but by waiting 6 months I will keep my next 12 months at work which will entitle me to my permanancy, something I have been trying to get for 7 years now, DD & DS will be just that little bit older- DD will be in full time kindy, we will have had a chance to get used to paying a mortgage etc. Also waiting that extra 6 months wont make a difference to which year the baby starts school, as the cut of in WA is June 30, so really it doesnt matter if I dont get pg for the next 11 months in that regard.
I feel much better for having made a decision, it feels a bi like a weight has been lifted off.
I am so pleased you've made a decision. You are right 6 months is not long to wait and your older 2 will be great little helpers when number 3 does come along.
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Confused about TTC #3
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