Mamas with domestic workers

[Nadine216]

I wanted to start a thread where I can spew my guts about my feelings around having a domestic worker Ok now I know there are some of you going: " what are she complaining about" but hear me out. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has someone at home (nanny/au pair) that takes care of her kids.

I work half-days, take lunch and then I work in one of our three shops in town. Not set hours, because I still have to find time to do shopping, pay bills, run errands, gym etc. We get up at 5:30am and go to bed at about 23:00. And not one of my kids sleeps through. Since ds was born it worked out cheaper (locally) to hire someone that can take care of my kids, cook and clean - in that order, than paying for daycare. I was estatic about it, because now I get so see so much more of my kids. I can take dd along when doing errands, play with ds in the afternoons (if I get a spare minute) and just have them bugging me

BUT and here it gets a bit selfish. I think it's starting to get too me. I feel guilty about taking a nap on Wednesdays (no errands) I mean sure, I hired her to take care of my kids, but what type of mother takes a nap when her almost 3 year old is telling her : "I missed you mommy ... sOOOOOO much" I feel guilty that I have to run in and out of the house for gym. And I deserve to gym, I deserve some sewing time, I deserve to take care of myself too. But it breaks my heart to hear ds crying everytime I leave the house.

Ok, my kids love the nanny. She is a god's send. She handles my kids is such a soft manner, that it baffles me. My dd even sometimes absentmindedly calls me by her name *what smiley can one use here? * I give my kids loads of attention. From 5:30am - 8:am and 17: 00 - 20:00 it's our time. We dance, play games, bath, read stories. Yes, sometimes I have to cook during this time, or have other "house" stuff to do - give attention to the Man. But I spend quality time with my kids.

See if they were in daycare ... it would not bother me, because they were not at home, kwim??? But they are home. So I just want to know how other woman cope with these feelings. How do you justify yourself taking a nap when you could be spending precious time with your kids??

Oh geeze, this was a rant ... mods can move this if it's inapropriate (sp) - spelling is bad today LOL -

Thanks for listening!!

[littlelara]

You know, to me you sound a little defensive, but I think it's unwarranted.
You're trying to do so much, your kids sound essentially happy, they know how much they are loved and have joy and security around them 24/7.
If you don't take time to recharge (be it at the gym or having a nap) how could you possibly give them as much time and energy as you do when you're home? - and lets face it, if my children weren't sleeping through and I could I would be taking a nap too, (and have been known to do just that if dp is home and the oportunity arises) and I would probably be a better mother for it.
I think you're doing a great job, don't beat yourself up for some things so that you can do the rest of it that much better.
Your kids don't need a short tempered zombie who is doing too much to even be able to enjoy them, they need a mummy and that's what you are giving them

[Jas]

Hi,

I am a SAHM so don't have the perspective you are after but I just wanted to post after reading your post.

Since ds2 has been born I have been taking time to remember who I am and what I like to do and then making time for that. One thing I like to remember that no matter how rich or famous or whatever anyone is we ll have the same amount of hours a day to spend. You could ditch all your working, gym, nap, nanny etc and be with your kids 24/7 and never give your kids any real quality time!

It sounds like your days are very busy, I am a little worried that you aren't getting enough sleep and so maybe something needs to give to change that but as far as you kids go they just need their mum and if there mum is a mum who works and goes to the gym and has a nap on wednesdays well then that is exactly what they need! If you give your kids ALL your energy then that probably won't be much at all. No matter what kind of mum we are and how much we enjoy it we are still women with our own passions and desires and really you are giving your kids a gift by showing them when they grow up and become parents they can still be themselves and have dreams of their own.

It sounds like you are a fantastic mother whose kids love hanging out with you and are happy and well take care of!!

[Nadine216]

You know Lara ... I feel defensive about it. I feel the need to defend my choices of going in and out of the house instead of minding the kids. And you know the best part .... I actually know it's unwarrented!! Thank you for your kinds words. I think in just needed to hear what I basicly already know deep down somewhere.

Jas, I just posted last week in an other mom's thread that it's not the quantity of time, but the quality of time you spend with your kids I just have too listen to myself. And I definatly don't get enough sleep. It's also getting to the end of the year and everything seems so rushed and pressured and just chaotic.

It sounds like you are a fantastic mother whose kids love hanging out with you and are happy and well take care of!!

Thank you .. I think I just needed to hear this.