Afraid of whats to come

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Well last year my grandfather had 2 "mini strokes", january this year he had another mini stroke.. and then in April this year he had a very large stroke that left him with a month in hospital and 3 months in a rehab centre. He has been home for only 3 months and the nurses have said he probably will not improve anymore. He lost all movement to one side of his body, his bladder does not work properly and he is only able to manage to drag his leg while he walks with a walking frame. He gave up trying to write, because he didnt think he could ever do it, and he no longer wants to go in his many sheds to do what he used to do in there. He is bound to a wheelchair and my nana is his slave as he would not let her leave him alone with anyody else becauses she helps him go to the toilet and reminds him to take his pills etc.. His memory is very bad too.
Well last weekend, he had another stroke. Not a bad one, but many of the things he has re-learnt to do he has forgotton again. He doesnt know the date, or simple things he usually would know.
I am afraid. My dad is afraid for his father and everybody including my grandfather is afraid.
He is a ticking time bomb. My mother and I have feared that next year we may not only have a new birth, but we may also have a death in the family.
We are a very close family and love each other very much and would never hope things would be bad, but it is very hard to come to terms with the fact that he WILL die, and in the near future. He is about 72, so not that old, but only a year ago, he was so fit and was riding motorbikes around. Its just so sad and hard. My granmotheris getting tired of him as he is so demanding. She said that she enjoyed her rest while he went to hospital on the weekend. I just dont know what to think. What to do, or how to cope with all of this.

[Muppity]

Hi Poppie

Sorry that you and your family are experiencing this difficult time.

Can I humbly and gently suggest that a change in perspective may assist the whole family in dealing with this.

Try not to think of death as something that you should be afraid of. Try and embrace it as a part of life (however sad it is).

My grandfather died last year in quite similar circumstances and in the end it was a relief for a lot of those involved because he was nolonger the man that we knew and loved and he would not have wanted to go on without recognising people he loved and being able to do anything for himself. Don't get me wrong, it was a very sad time for everyone but in a way he had already died before his body finally gave up.

My suggestion would be to use the time that you have to just sit and chat with him, ask him the questions that you won't ever get to ask again, remember the happy times that you have all had, and make every event that you have a little bit more special knowing that it may be the last. And most of all remember to take care of yourself at this very important time in your life.

Also remember that there are plenty of services available to assist your grandmother care for him and also counselling services for people who are facing the death of a loved one.

again - I am thinking of you and your family during this hard time.

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Thanks so much muppity, it is true that he is not himself anymore. Although we all got to spend so much time with him whilist he was in the rehab centre. We dont think he remembers much of it, but it meant alot to us.
But now he is just a scared frail man. Pretty much just waiting to die..

[Emma1979]

that is very sad...
i work in the aged care industry and would suggest perhaps seeking out some respite for your grandmother... not sure of everyone's stance but sometimes a week in care is enough to give the full time carer a break... do you think he would be open to going into short term care for a week here or there? you can also get alot of services at home, like help with showering etc, shopping..... he would be assessed and then alotted a certain amount of help... the first step is to have him assessed and then go from there (if this is the direction you want to go in, to get extra help for your grandmother)

if you type in commonwealth carers respite centre into google, it should provide you with information.... you might be surprised just what he is entitled to to make life easier on those caring...

good luck

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Thanks emma,
They have a house cleaner that comes once a week to do basic things, but my grandmother isnt impressed with her as she refuses to vaccum under anything or move anything, but it still does help.
My grandparents made a pact together and said a few years ago that they would never put each other into a nursing home. It isnt fair as he needs constant care and she is getting very weak, and she is only 68. She feels very trapt but will not admit it, but we all see it. She is a very strong willed woman and she always stands her ground. It makes it hard for us to suggest things to her. We all keep trying to push it on her, but she hasnt budged yet, but we are hoping that she will change her mind after this one is over.