So... you're all nice and friendly, say lovely things like "same-sex couples should have equal rights" and yep thats lovely, and yep, guess what, the majority of Australian's think that way... GREAT! Right?
Yeah, thats pretty great I guess, but "a little less conversation a little more action please"
You know what would REALLY make me smile. If you were to come on here and say "YEP! I've talked about it with my kids".
The majority of Australian's have NOT.
Why not? Only TWO Australian states DON'T allow two mums on the birth certificate (Qld and SA for those interested). Some states are now legalising surrogacy. And the ACT has finally been allowed to keep their civil union act allowing same-sex couples legally binding civil partnership ceremonies.
I'd say by all that, that it obviously pretty common for same-sex couples to have kids (der lol), so the next logical step would be to talk about and start 'destigmatising' it (probably not a word but it sounds good to me).
I don't mean you have to sit down with your 2yo and explain the dynamics of a same-sex relationship. Even just a simple sentence to your kids, chucked in during the story at bedtime or in passing while watching TV, would make my heart leap with joy... "some people have a mum and a dad, and some have just one mum, or two mums, and some have just one dad, or two dads... and its all ok!".
In fact, NOT making a big deal out of it is great because thats telling kids that "hey, its just one of those things, not a big thing, just something to be aware of, like knowing that some people can't walk, some people like brussel sprouts, some people have two mums, it's all good, diversity is the spice of life"...
Now, I'm going to go out on a limb (actually HOPEFULLY I am wrong) and possibley make an ass out of u and me and ASSUME that most of you have not said this to your kids...?
Is it because it's too hard? Are you scared of having to then answer questions about same-sex couples?
Maybe think about this: my child goes to school at age 5. Says "I have two mums". All the kids who have never heard of someone having two mums say "NO you CAN'T have two mums". My child gets upset "yes you can, because I do". None of these kids have ever heard of someone having two mums. "Wow, thats weird" they say, "wow, you're weird". Now my child is the weird kid, gets teased. All because some parents think its too hard for them to talk about. But how hard is it going to be for my child if you don't? I'd say A LOT harder than you saying one simple setence in passing every now and then to your kids?
Anyway... Like I said, I assume most HAVEN'T... It's ok, you're in the majority... well, it's not REALLY ok, but don't feel too bad, it's not something often talked about, it's a hard thing to approach if you don't know how!
BUT some of you WILL have said it. YAY! If you have explained it to your kids, I'd love for you to come on here and share how you said/explained it to your kids, so others can see its NOT that hard.
(BTW, if anyone would like to know more about how to explain it to your kids, and some books that can help, please PM me )
what a great thread. I wont "hide" anything from Mia. I am more that happy to talk to her about this when she understands what i mean. I think kids should know how it is. There is nothing at all wrong with same sex relationships, so im not going to pretend like it is. So obviously i havent talked to her yet about the 2 mummy, 2 daddy senario, but i will, one day
Leash, E is obviously not old enough for us to have talked to her about it - but i have had this convo with all three of my bros kids as he wasn't sure how to do it (slightly homophobic but getting much better). one of our cousins is gay, so it's something that he wanted explained to them in a sensitive way. to be honest. i can't remember what i said, but the kids completely accept H and J as H and J, so i must have said something right lol
their' kids are in their 20's now (they each had kids from previous relationships when they got together) so i guess they don't have the same impact on the kids as it would if they were a younger couple that had kids that we see regularly kwim??
we dont make a deal of saying anything to emphasise or lessen their relationship when introducing them. it's not "my cousin H and her partner J" - i class them both as my cousins (and actually J knew we were pg and E was born before H lol).
We will teach E about different family dynamics as early as possible so that she accepts everything as being normal and not worth questioning kwim?
We live in an area with a decent number of same sex couples with children, and I know when DS goes to pre-school, it will be as normal in his group, as all other family arrangements (single parents, mum and dad, foster parents etc). We will not make any deal out of it, never have, and will explain it as you describe.
However, DS is too young to comprehend it as a concept, so other than in general conversation, we have not discussed it. But thanks for the reminder. I need to get some books with different family relationships, and maybe that will help.
I guess I'm in the minority because I have .
I always let my DD know that people look and act differently, come in all shapes and sizes and colours and teaching her about another variation on relationships is part of that.
I haven't made a big deal about it (because I don't think it's a big deal, just as I don't think being a different colour or shape is either) but have mentioned it in passing .
While I haven't talked about this with DS, one of his friends has divorced parents. Chances are, his best friend might get a "new" parent at some point and have two mummies/daddies. I know it's not the same as a same-sex relationship, but DS is aware people have different family dynamics. Only vaguely, but he's still tiny!
Sadly, I won't be the one doing this talk with DS. Nursery is given a load of govt-approved books, including books about children with two mummies and children with disabilities which introduces difference matters as normal things very early on. (Great in one way, such as destigmatises things, but also I want DS to know that differences can impact people differently and things aren't straight out of a book: it's so hard! Some people try to hide problems and/or who they are and that's not good, but then you have to say "yes, that's cool, but don't shout about it because it's not cool" or something like that... my word I do make problems for myself sometimes!)
Anyway, DS has three grandmas so why would two mummies be odd?
eta - we live very near the UK's gay capital so DS has seen men holding hands and stuff like that - he just accepts it. We've not gone into the parenting side of it, but we have seen two men in the local playground with one child between them and not even a comment from DS, who is usually very vocal about things he finds odd or wants to know "why" about.
So DS is way too little to start this now, but as he gets older and begins to understand what we say to him I'm sure that the concept of same sex relationships will be something we don't run away and hide from. If anything it will come up very early on, in much the way you've suggested. My brother is gay and I hate that he is subject to persecution just because he is attracted to men. I think as parents we are responsible for creating a more accepting society as we are the ones that shape the next generations view of the world.
DD is a little young but we (well I) will be having a chat with her when she's older, and making sure she is aware it's NORMAL and nothing wrong with having 2 mums or 2 dads!
DP's cousin is in a same sex relationship i don't want DD to think there is anything wrong with it because there is not, there is no difference between her and me, i will explain to her that LOVE is the most important thing in the world and you don't choose who you love, male/female or otherwise.
DP is a little homophobic and it annoys the crap out of me as i have 3 or 4 friends who are openly gay and he just doesn't get it.. the ' you can't choose who you love' doesn't work on a 28yr old who's set in his ways!
HOWEVER he said if DD turned out to have a lesbian relationship thats fine and it's her choice but if we had a son there is no way he could be gay...
I HATE HIS IGNORANCE.
I have, only a few weeks ago actually! I have a fairly new friend "J" and I had spoken about him a few times.
Z: Mummy do you love J?
Me: I like J, he is a nice man.
Z: Are you going to marry him? (he's obsessed, we've been to 3 weddings this year)
Me: No, J loves boys & I'm already married to daddy.
Z: Oh. Doesn't he have to marry a girl?
Me: Nope, sometimes boys love other boys and they can get married and sometimes girls love other girls so they get married too.
Z: Can I marry Zach when I get big?
Me: If you want to marry Zach you can.
Z: Ok I'll tell P (Zach's mum) that we are going to get married when we're big. Zach is my best friend.
So not an in depth explanation, just a quick one that essentially you can love anyone you want!
Naaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwww! can we create a BB village somewhere? I love being proved wrong in threads like this, you ladies are so amazing It really did make me get butterflies!
Last edited by Indadhanu; November 27th, 2009 at 06:54 AM.
DD1 knows that boys can like boys & girls can like girls. I've said stuff about it in passing conversation. She's asked what gay is.
I havtn't talked about the 2 mummies, 2 daddies thing, but thats only coz its never come up. Noone around us is a family like that, so I've never thought to talk about it with her. If there was someone around I'm not so sure I'd sit down & explain alot to her, just say 's/he has 2 mum's instead of a mum & dad' & probably leave it at that. I think if I went into a big thing about it she'd pick up on the fact that its not quite the norm & might make more of a deal out of it.
Also...my mum rolls her eyes at that sort of stuff & I think if DD1 went out & said something about it, she'd probably say something I wouldn't want her to say. Like thats silly or something. So I'm not going to go out of my way. Just keep it normalised iykwim. Just the same as anything else that is every day & not a big deal.
Wellll. I thought I had. I remember a conversation, triggered by something that had come up in the news about IVF or adoption for same-sex couples... I thought we had all talked about it then.
I just asked DS1 if he rememberedf it & he said 'nup'. So I must be losing it
The kids already knew what gay was, had explained as soon as they learnt the word. But I guess 2 mummies/daddies just had never really come up..??
I told the kids to behave, i had a friend from BB coming with her wife and baby. They asked if my friend was a man on the computer. I said No, a lady.
And, of course, they all giggled in to their hands... I said grow up, 2 ladies can both be the mummies, and they immediatly went, We know, we know. We'll be good. ( My kids are pretty good, If I do say so myself!)
Coming from divorced parents and having 3 dads and 3 mums and heaps of grandparents, different families are the norm here...
We have talked about it to DSS who is now almost 12.
DH uncle is in a same sex relationship and so he understands that Uncle M loves C.
he has obviously been exposed to it for years and so didnt really question it, although it wasnt until later (like 5 or 6) that he realised that they werent just friends...There is no open affection shown between the two of them at family things, mainly because DH's Dad HATES it and for years refused to speak to them (very very petty - but oh well)
He has never asked the question about children as he knows that physically it cant 'naturally' as in his 2 uncles cant make a baby... as there are no children it has not come up. But it is certianly not a conversation that i would shy away from - he needs to know that this is becoming more and more common and i would hate to think that if he was at school with a child of a same sex relationship that he would bully or tease them
So Leasha - to answer your question... YES we talk about it and MJ will grow up knowing about it too
DD1 understands a bit as she has "uncle took & uncle faff" who are good friends and also one of her little friends has 2 mums. She just accepted it but did ask why she 'only' had a mummy and a daddy
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
So... have you talked about it with your kids?
with joy... "some people have a mum and a dad, and some have just one mum, or two mums, and some have just one dad, or two dads... and its all ok!".
)
.
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can we create a BB village somewhere? I love being proved wrong in threads like this, you ladies are so amazing
I said grow up, 2 ladies can both be the mummies, and they immediatly went, We know, we know. We'll be good. ( My kids are pretty good, If I do say so myself!)
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