My DD1 is having some problems. She cries a lot and seems miserable most of the time. She gets very defensive and seems to feel like she is really hard done by all the time. She used to be such a happy little girl and for a while now she has become whiney and, I hate to say it but, pretty much a victim. As I put in the other thread if she wants something she'll come up to me and ask in a really defeatest voice so i'll just tell her to stop and change the way she's speaking and it seems like she just snaps out of it and asks normally. But her initial way of asking for anything is to whine and I can't stand it!
I think a lot of it is to do with attention and I am trying now to give her a lot more. Tonihgt the kids went to their Dads and I kept her home and we had a girly night. When I put her to bed I asked her if she had fun and she said yes but looked so sad, so I asked her if she was happy and why didn't she smile, so she gave me a smile but I hate having to ask for it!
The whole night I kept telling her how special she is and how much I love her.
Has anyone had this? Gone through this? Struggling with this? Do you just have to give them extra attention? I really want her to snap out of it because as awful as it sounds I don't want her to grown up with a "victim" outlook on liife, I want her to be positive and confident.
Any advice would be great! Or if you're struggling to then hopefully we can all get some advice!
This sounds like what i went through with my DD, and she is the eldest child. She wined and it seemed like she never appreciated anything i did for her. At the time she was having weekly visits to her Father.
She is now 11 and this has all stopped, when i look back at it, i think she was after my attention, she felt insecure and unsure about so much in her little world. She had a new brother and a new family and her Father also did too.
I think you are doing a great job by telling her you love her and making her feel special. Perhaps you could talk to her about her feelings and ask her why she thinks she needs to whinge and whine, or even get her to write it down in a book that you can write letters to each other in. My DD did this and i must say reading it was very hard but it made me see things from her eyes...
Thanks Tan, did it stop after you gave her extra attention? I love the idea about a book for us both.
Her Dad is about to move in with his gf too and she has a 4yr old little girl so maybe she's worse at the moment because she's trying to find her place with another little girl in the family?
Up until 5 months ago, I had a middle child. After I had Miss P and the numbers evened out, the changes with and around Miss L were very noticeable. I am not so sure though if that was becoming one of the older half, or having a little sister as she was also without a playmate as Miss A was onto teenager things and all the rest were boys.
But she did whine a lot - a whole whole lot. Something as simple as "I will just finish this and then do that for you" was enough to put her into hysterical tears about not being loved.
Does she have a playmate? I know as parents we want to be the one to give them confidence and make them feel special, but as a middle child also, I do remember that as much as it helped knowing mum loved me - it didnt fix the hurt of having no one around my age that understood me, or wanted to spend time with me. The boys hate school - Miss L wakes up every morning and gets ready. During the holidays she begs to go - because there she has those friends.
We want to fix these problems by showing them mum loves them and they appreciate it, but it doesnt fix it. Eventually Miss L and Miss P will come to realise that there is just too big an age gap for them to be really close buddies, and it breaks my heart as the boys have that. Our job is to ensure they have the social skills and self confidence to make those friends when the opportunity arises - and to see if we cant make the opportunity for them when we can. We love our girls, and they love us, but girls are social creatures and not having a good friend is one of the biggest buzz kills in their lives.
Middle Child Syndrome
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