3 year old DS just wont listen!

[girlonamission]

Hi everyone

I'm wondering if anyone can give me some suggestions here. DS1 will be 3 next month, and he's generally a loveable little guy with plenty of personality. But, I find that he is at the stage (and has been for a while now) where he just refuses to listen to anything I say. And when he does choose to listen, if I say black, he says white. Its like he's determined to go exactly the opposite of what I say. Like if he's doing something dangerous or silly, I'll ask him calmly to stop, explaining why he shouldn't do it etc. The minute I stop talking, he does it again....and again....and again.....

Its getting to the point where i'm ready to just give up and save my breath because some days I just get so worked up inside and frustrated with the whole thing that if I don't let it go, I'll lose it completely. but then on the other hand, i don't want him thinking its ok to do whatever he pleases, especially if there is danger involved (eg, about to jump off the back of the lounge or something equally silly).

Can anyone give me some suggestions on how to get him to listen to me? I don't want to at him all day for doing the wrong thing, but he seems to enjoy it. I try to pick my battles and let very minor things slide, but its getting hard because it seems he's doing more and more things he shouldn't be. he went through a stage a while ago where his behaviour improved a great deal (just after I pulled him out of daycare due to being constantly sick from the germs that float around that place), however since Christmas he's started again and is worse than ever.

Any advice, opinions or stories would be ever so welcome!

Thanks

[my-three-monkeys]

I'd recommend HEAPS of encouragement for the good things DS does: no matter how small and trivial....
I've read a great book called Divas and Dictators: the secret to better behaved kids. It's an awesome 'easy' read.
Good Luck!

[girlonamission]

Hi my-three-monkeys,

Yep, DH & I have ALWAYS given him heaps of positive praise for doing something right/well, from the moment he was a baby actually. I've heard a lot about positive reinforcement so we do try to do this as much as possible. It has worked well in the past, but seems to have lost its effectiveness a bit lately.

Perhaps we've been a bit preoccupied lately though with so much going on with Christmas, DH busy with work etc and he's picking up on that and craving our attention and find this is the way to get it. Now that DS2 is crawling, pulling himself up on furniture and cruising the furnitre I've found myself to be much busier and taking more notice of what he's doing, so maybe thats another reason for DS1's increasingly difficult behaviour and ignorance.

I'll just keep going with the praise as well as I can though, and maybe try to devote a bit more 1-on-1 time to him whenever possible. The more I think about it, the more it could be pure attention seeking behaviour as I notice when my mother comes to visit, he gets really naughty, yet when mum has him on his own she says he's nothing like that.

Ahhh, 3 year olds....they're far smarter than we give them credit for it seems!!

Thanks again for your reply!

[my-three-monkeys]

I can totally understand where you are at.

My DD2 when through a stage of randomness where nothing worked: time out, having toys removed, even *smacking* shock horror! And that's when I decided it was time for a change of approach and be more pro-active about encouragement rather than re-active to bad behavior (which is definitely what they want - damn 3 year olds are so smart!)

I find that having DH at home over the christmas break throws my DDs out of whack. Things calm down now that he is back at work.

Keep up with the positive reinforcement. It's worth it in the end.

[Nelle]

Mmm mine can be a bit like that with the selective hearing. Except he slightly stiffens so I know he's heard me.

I tend to remove him from the situation if he's being naughty - I sit him on the chair, explain to him what the problem is and what he needs to do next time, and then he gets off. But removing him from the situation makes sure I have his attention. If he does it again, we do the same thing but he stays on the chair a bit longer before he can get off.

All the best with it, I'm at a loss some days too - it's hard work figuring out the best way to communicate with them!

[girlonamission]

I tend to remove him from the situation if he's being naughty - I sit him on the chair, explain to him what the problem is and what he needs to do next time, and then he gets off. But removing him from the situation makes sure I have his attention. If he does it again, we do the same thing but he stays on the chair a bit longer before he can get off.

This sounds like a good approach, I think I might try this starting tomorrow. Can't hurt, right?? Lol.

I know what you mean about him stiffening so you know he's hearing you - he's just choosing not to listen. Mine is the same, I know there is NOTHING wrong with his hearing because he can hear his father's ute coming down the road on his way home from work before I even can, yet when he's 2 metres away from me he acts as though he's totally oblivious to what is coming out of my mouth.

And he's far to bright a child to not be able to understand what I'm trying to tell him, so at his age and stage of development those excuses are no longer holding much water for me either!

my-three-monkeys, I think the holiday period has really upset his routine too actually, he responds so much better to a good routine. When DH is home on weekends, DS1 is a complete terror, so I'm already well aware of what a change in routine does to him. it just seems that he's not improving and usually things only take a day or two to settle down after an upset to our daily lives, so I was just starting to come to a loss as to what to try next.

Well thanks for your tips ladiesl, will give it a go tomorrow!