My partner and I aren't married, and even if we were, I wouldn't be changing my last name. Has anyone had any experience with this, and hyphened last names? It was something we were looking at doing, but aren't too sure about it yet. I have read somewhere that some people combine their last name to make a new one, but this wouldn't work for us (I haven't liked any of the combinations I could come up with).
Do you think it would be hard on the child to have a hyphened last name? I have heard in some cases they just drop one of the last names if they get sick of having 2.
If not hyphened, has anyone had issues with their children having a different last name to them?
My children have a different last name to me. No issues at all so far with anything - we share bank accounts, and they are on waiting lists etc.
It's VERY normal these days. They will not "stand out" at school becasue of it. I have a friend who hypenated her name with her DH's when she got married, but her child still only has the DH's name, as does her DH.
My kids all have DH's surname, I kept my maiden name when we got married.
No troubles so far, but sometimes I do feel odd for not having the same name, and you do get some "looks" from people like you're a skank or something cos your kids have a different surname. Dunno why that is - but yeah, I feel the judgement even though I wear a wedding ring.
I have been thinking about changing my name now (after 4.5 years of marriage haha!) so I *may* do it in the future.
I don't think there is any problem with having a hyphenated last name. When DH and I got married I didn't want to give up my last name either so I now have a double surname (no hyphen) it is my maiden name and then my DH's surname, kind of like Jennifer Love Hewitt iykwim? It can be a PIA cos a lot of companies databases don't like double surnames without a hyphen, so when DS was born we decided that he would just have DH's surname. We recognised my family history by giving him my fathers middle name (which was my grandfathers first name) and if when we have another child will do the same thing - first name is something we choose together, middle name comes from my family and surname from his.
I didn't change my surname when we got married. We have no boys on my side of the family and the name would go if I changed it. Having said that my sister is still not married but she would change in a heartbeat lol.
Originally I put to DH that DS use my surname as a second middle name. So in every day life he could make the choice to use but it was there on the birth certificate. I left the decision up to him as he had been great about me not changing my name he understood my reasons. PIL still say 3yrs later that I haven't had chance ROFL.When I had DS becasue I was under my name DS was called my name whilst in hospital and subsequentenly DH was as well. I think he'd had enough after 5 days ROFL. So when he said he'd just like him to have DH's surname I didn't argue.
Yeah I get some looks sometimes and if I have booked him into an activity and I call up I have to remember to say DS's surname. I sometimes feel depending on the situation that I am in that I have to explain. But generally I don't think about it.
Would you consider using your surname as a second middle name as an alternative to hypenating it?
Yeh, I have thought about having it as a second middle name. I thought that this would be a lot easier on the child too than having it hyphened. It might also be an idea to have the surname without the hyphen, then it would be easier to be able to "drop" one if they want to.
I do worry that I may appear to be a bit of a hussy too though as Arimeh mentioned, or appear as though I am not the mother to the kids because my partner and I are not married (and probably won't be for a long time, if ever).
I kept my name when I married for reasons similar to Hansie, plus I admit there was just a hint of feminism in my decision. Our boys also have my name, because I didn't want my name to end with me (like Hansie, no boys in my family). DH was happy to do this because he is of the view that a name or genetics does not make you a father.
DH is a SAHD and so far has had no problems with the boys having my name.
I didn't change my name when I got married either, and DS has my name. DH was happy to do that as it's a way of continuing my surname (no boys) and in honour of my father who died 10 years ago. DH has no emotional connection to his father or his surname and has many negative feelings about it so it was quite an easy decision.
Only early days, but no issues with it so far.
We already had two boys by the time we decided we liked each other enough to get married
The boys have both our surnames but not hyphened as I figured they could use mine as a middle name and just use theirs fathers if it really bothered them.
I kept my name so our next two boys have the double banger too, as will this one.
It is very common these days I think and like many of you my family name is very uncommon so this was very much a contributing factor in our decision.
DH did ask me once if I would add his surname to mine like the boys have but the logistics and money it will cost to change all my legal documents means its just not a priority right now.
Thank you everyone for your replies. I think I am going to have a discussion with my partner tonight. He didn't mind the idea of hyphening the last name, he thought it made their last names sound smart (I thought it just sounded like a lawyers firm eg "Crane Pool & Schmidt") but I think I am liking it better unhyphened, but still a last name, so that they can drop it back into a middle name if they want to.
I don't see anything wrong with having a different surname to your child (or a hypened one for that matter). I wasn't married while pregnant with DS (we had a shot gun!!), but DS's first name IS my maiden name....so his whole name is like a surname IYKWIM
I didn't change my name when I got married...and my husbands family did not like it one bit! I get comments from time to time about it...but really, I don't care what others think about a decision that really, has no bearing on anything. When we have children, I'd like them to have my name but we'll need to have further discussion because my husband is probably more leaning towards hyphenating so as to honour both of our families. I went to school with SO many kids with hyphenated surnames and it was never an issue for them (that I was aware of)...it just wasn't a big deal. Friends of mine had a baby, together for 10 years but not married - baby got mum's surname and dad decided to change his surname to mum's via deed poll...
I don't have DH's name either. Unlike some others on here it really bothers him! But I just can't bring myself to change it fully. It feels like I would be giving up all of me. DD has his name and I have changed it on some things like medicare and the health fund so she got his name in hossy. I may get round to changing it on everything (Mel we've been married 5 years ) but I'm not in a hurry. Ithink its ok these days to have double barelled names. Our 2 names don't work together tho.
If DP & i were to marry he know's i would not be changing my surname to his. Our DD has his surname which i was more than happy to do as my surname is not my actual birth or family name as i changed it through deed-poll when i was 19. And i wanted our DD to have a surname with a family connection.
As far as hyphenated surnames go when i was working in a clinicin the CBD of Melb our clients with hyphenated surnames drove us nuts ... not just me but everyone in the clinic especially the receptionist ... as often the clients file would get filed under the wrong part of the surname (getting it back to front) ... also some clients we never knew how to address them and often found remembering clients name that were hyphenated surnames so hard to remember than just remembering one surname IYKWIM.
So sorry i simply don't mean to offend anyone ... just wanted to a paint a picture as the many staff members i worked with actually did dislike hyphenated names and they often commented on it in a negative manner
My older 2 kids have a hyphenated surname... they share their dad's name and my married name... we mostly popped my married name onto the end to stop confusion at school because believe it or not, in this day & age most schools don't understand that parents can have a different name from their children. Since changing to the hyphenated name we've had very little confusion. The kids are often referred to by the first of their surnames but prefer to be referred to by both.
Registered User
Baby's Last Name
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks