TTC this Feb after mc in September... terrified

[Yarrawin]

Hey ladies

I've been away from BellyBelly for quite a while now - I just couldn't cope with being here until now and I'm feeling a bit strange being back on here so please bear with me.

I had a MC at 7 weeks back in September and I wanted to TTC again immediately but we couldn't because when I fell pg and had all the blood tests done we found I had lost my immunity to rubella.

We are allowed to start TTC again on 16 February (not that I'm counting lol) and I'm absolutely petrified now that the time is getting close. I really, really didn't cope when I mced and it was a horrible experience - I was in the ob's office when it started, he confirmed that I was mcing and then sent me home and told me to put a hot water bottle on my tummy. My GP was horrified and said I should have been admitted to hospital, but I wasn't. I ended up at home with my husband feeling completely helpless, not being able to eat, sleep, and very frightened and depressed. I cope a lot better now, but I still have occasional meltdowns about it.

I'm so desperate to be a mother now, but at the same time now that time to TTC is drawing near again I'm so completely and utterly terrified of losing this one too. I know in my heart I'm ready to try again, and that waiting was the best thing for me to do (even if it was enforced lol) but I'm very scared.

Anyone else in the same boat?

[KitFaerie]

Yup. Absolutely terrified, lol. I had a mmc in december, had absolutely no idea that anything was really wrong. I'm waiting for AF to arrive before starting again, but I'm already thinking about that horrible moment of getting an ultrasound and being told there's no heartbeat, and how I"ll deal with it again. It just seems impossible that I could actually get to hold my own baby. Although, I remember being on the table with the d&c and thinking 'I will do this as many times as it takes in order to get my baby.' So I guess I believe that it will happen, but I dont think it will be easy. However, women who've just had a mc aren't exactly going to be the most optimistic people in the world, so I'm not surpised I'm scared. I guess what I'm saying is, we're scared, but we're doing it anyway, and I think that's pretty darn brave. Something to tell our children

[JCE0810]

again so sorry for your loss Yarrawin. I ended up having a missed miscarriage in Oct but didnt find out until November and it ended in a D&C. We were given the go ahead to start again whenever we were ready 2weeks post D&C and we've just let nature take it's course and if its going to happen so be it. It is scary i know how you feel, you have conflicting thoughts in your head you want to be pregnant again but your scared to be pregnant again.

All the best with your TTC journey xx

[Babyluv]

Hi there,
I'm also in the same situation as you, trying to be positive but unable to get past the fear of losing another one. I'm 26 and hubby n I are trying for our first baby. First preg went to about 10 weeks, was diagnosed with a blighted ovum, my body wouldn't pass it so I opted for ru486, it was so hard sitting in that clinic seeing young girls going In for abortions when we so badly wanted our baby. The tabs made me miscarry, the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced. I was devastated but thought it wouldn't happen to me again. Lost number 2 in oct at about 7 weeks and It really crushed me. I've started feeling ready to try again this past month so feb we will try again but I'm really scared! I don't want to go through losing another one! I want a baby so badly but I'm so scared! All I can say is we have to try staying positive, stress won't help! I'll be praying for you xox

[Yarrawin]

I don't want to go through losing another one! I want a baby so badly but I'm so scared! All I can say is we have to try staying positive, stress won't help! I'll be praying for you xox

*huge hugs* and praying for you too, Babyluv xx

[kellym]

I'm so sorry for all your losses.. it's such a horrible thing and unfortuantely it takes away all the joy of falling pg again.. and the first trimester in particular. Its not fair that we don't get to experience the excitement of it all.. instead we get incredible amounts of fear, nerves and panic!!!

The most wonderful thing about this forum is that there's (unfortunately) so many of us that totally understand what you're going through and how you're feeling.. and everyone is so amazing!! I've now had three m/c.. the last was only three weeks ago and it ended in a D&C. My OB also gave us the all clear to start ttc again straight away, with no need to even wait for AF to arrive.. which is brilliant.. so as scary as it is.. we're jumping right back into it in the hope that we'll get another gorgeous bub to hold in our arms. I'm ok with it now but as soon as I get that BFP... I know complete terror will take over!!! That's when i'll need the support of everyone in here again.

Good luck and try to be kind to yourself.. we can't control what happens.

Kel xxx