preschooler wont stay at the table at dinner time

[Pandora]

DS will not (well rarely) sit still at dinner time.
He is constantly up and down from the table, running around etc. He completely ignore any requests for him to sit down or any direction from us at all
Its the ame if we have people over for dinner, there is no difference in his behaviour unless DH and I are not there at all - then is a perfect angel.

Last night i told him he had to sit down etc and put a time limit on how long his dinner would remain available and he said 'i suppose you want me to go to my room now' hand laughed!!

I just dont know what to do, I dont want dinner to be a fight, but most nights that is what it turns in to.

[~Serenity~]

ive started having the same problems with my ds5.. all the sudden he thinks hes can act like an adult and tell us how it is, so if he doesnt sit down and eat then when dinner is finished thats it and nothing else to eat for the rest of the night...maybe you can us a treat for dessert and if they dont listen then they can watch the ppl that did sit nicely eat it while they miss out...i think its kinda the age where they start thinking there so grown up being in school now

[Trillian]

Maybe you could get his dinner, but not take it to the table along with your's and DH's and pretend that you didn't get him any because you didn't think he wanted any dinner because he wasn't at the table and the two of you just start eating without him? DS2 does it and it drives us mental, but he is too young to understand anything like that.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

DS knows that when he leaves the table, that's it. No more food until the next meal (or designated snack). I can stop him getting down by helping myself to something on his plate, so he sits and guards the food he doesn't want for the next 10 minutes or so, but that's usually when he has finished his meal. My parents used this tactic with me and my sister and while I normally dismiss anything they did out of hand, this one isn't too bad.

I also get DS's food out last: firstly because of a "pack dominance" thing (if he's fed first he tells us what to do all night!) and also so he sees food on the table and comes of his own accord. But then, DH often finds computer games more important than food so I don't push DS to sit to the table - he often starts the meal a few minutes after the adults. But at the table he stays until finished.

[Kazbah]

We give DS warning when he starts to get up - if he does get up, we give his dinner to the dogs immediately.

Then it's no dessert / sweets. If he's hungry later, it's a glass of milk only.

[christy]

Just on another side of it... DD1 has sensory issues and its very uncomfortable sitting at the dinner table. So we put boxes under her chair for her feet or we give her a step to stand on. We found once she was comfortable at the table, she was happier to stay there. We also turn off the TV and have a no games policy during dinnertime. If they still get up (and it does happen alot here... like last night). We say "ah well... straight to the bath for bedtime" and that usually gets them back because they know that means business and they like to delay bedtime routine as much as possible .

[Pandora]

Thanks everyone Im taking all of this on board.
I thought it was to do with our second son being in the high chair now, and at the table, but Im not sure?

... We also turn off the TV and have a no games policy during dinnertime. If they still get up (and it does happen alot here... like last night). We say "ah well... straight to the bath for bedtime" and that usually gets them back because they know that means business and they like to delay bedtime routine as much as possible .

We do this also but so far to no avail.
He knows if he doesnt eat dinner, its bath time and then to bed but the threat has no effect on him. Most often he just laughs at us and continues doing whatever he likes.

He generally wont come back later and say that he's hungry, and if he does like a poster above said he'll just get a glass of milk.

Im also sick of my family making judgements about us over this - it doesnt matter how we handle it, our response is never right and never good enough.

We went for dinner at their house and he crawled underneath the table,and my dad said 'WE have RULES at THIS house! You cant do what you like here' - as if to imply that we have no rules and are happy for him to do whatever he likes. He said it, or something similar at least 3 times during the meal which made if very uncomfortable for me to sit there, and I know if DH had been there he would have walked out.

Christy - MCHN is undecided on whether he has sensory issues, he is borderline on a few things. GP laughed at me and wouldnt consider it.

[christy]

I would find an OT if you are questioning sensory issues. Seriously... its worth it as far as finding the key to those things to find what is behavioural, and what is sensory.

[aussienic]

What time do you sit down for dinner? Maybe serve him his dinner earlier (if possible) and let him eat on his own.. eg. serve his dinner then go away and do something so he has no one to get attention from??