I was just wondering, after reading many many birth stories i have noticed that many women had more than one support person at their birth, like mothers and sisters and SIL's. I was only planning on having DH there as i can sometimes butt heads with people in my family and i didn't want too many people there talking and breaking my concentration etc. That, and i think that it is a very private moment for me and DH to welcome our son into the world and we didn't really want to share it with anyone else.
Have i made a mistake? Or have you done it with just your partner and felt it was the better choice?
If you're comfortable with one, go with one! If you want fifteen... check with your hospital/midwife first, but if they're okay with it, go with fifteen! If you want to give birth by yourself, by god, do it yourself!
...Okay, my point is, whatever makes you feel most comfortable is right for you Don't give in to people bullying you to let them be there, and don't think you're not "normal" for only wanting your hubby to be there - there is no such thing as normal
I think if you only want your DH there then go for it, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. What works for some might not be the best for you, especially if you butt heads with your family in day to day life.
I had my Mum and DP there, although my Mum was vomiting in the shower almost the whole time so didnt really end up being much support.
I only had my DH there, plus my midwife.
This was enough for me - DH was so awesome I hardly even noticed the midwife!!
I think it's a very personal choice. You need to have people with you who are going to be a support to you.
My birth team was my Doula, my DH and my Mum. It was a fantastic choice and my hubby wanted to do it the same this third time around. Having a few people gives them each a bit of a break without leaving you on your own - they can tag team with the massage and support! I had my hubby cos, well, he's my hubby! I had my doula as I wanted her knowledge and backup (as I had a VBac last time). THis time my DH said that we definately had to have a doula again and I agreed as she was soooo helpful. I had my Mum as it's always good to have your mum around when you are in pain!
You definatley only want a birth team that you feel comfortable with though.
I only had DH, and will only have him (and the midwives obviously) for next time as well. I personally find it such a big thing emotionally that I kind of can't share it with anyone else, which probably doesn't make sense, I guess it's kind of like I don't want to have to explain anything to other people. If DH wasn't able to be there for some reason, then I'd have my mum, but only as a backup option, even though I think she'd be great in the circumstances.
But it's like a lot of stuff - there's no right or wrong, what's important to you is what matters. As the other posters have said.
For my first I had DH and SIL there. Mostly because I didn't know how long it would take and was worried about being on my own if he needed a break or a sleep IYKWIM. I really didn't notice anyone once I was in the zone
I had my mum, XP & a friend at my first birth, DH & a friend for DS1, DS2 & DD2.
The advantage of having someone else there (this is just for us ) is that they are support for your DH as well. As Carrie said, they can tag-team with massage & support. For me it meant I was never on my own, even when DH did have to go to the toilet, get a coffee, etc. and that was how I wanted it.
The most important thing is that you are both comfortable with who you have there. Both DH & I would rather not have anyone else there if it's not the right person, IYKWIM? And we considered the fact too that some people who are great company in everyday situations might become a bit grating in a delivery room. We chose carefully
With DD1 i had planned for DP, my mum, my MIL and my stepmum to be there, only 2 were allowed in at a time so they could alternate and there would be someone there to keep DP occupied... in the end i had DD1 at home by myself breach on the bathroom floor so NO-ONE not even DP got to be there.
With DD2 i just decided not to even invite anyone, they didn't get time to show the first time and it might be nice for DP to get to be there alone for this one.
I had quite a quick labor in which he sat down and read the paper most of the time but i found he was all the support i needed as the MW were awesome and very comforting.
You need to go with what makes you comfortable, ask your DH if he thinks he will need someone else if it's a long labor etc but ultimately you need to be comfortable.
i just had DH with me for my labour, as well as a midwife (and a student doctor sitting in the back ground too) but thats what i wanted. i too butt heads with family members and i wanted to be 'in control' as much as one can be whilest in labour! you're not being selfish at all. your body, your birth your choice.
Like the others have said, it's so important to do whatever feels right for you. I just had DH for our first and that's who it will be this time around - besides the MW/Dr of course. I felt like if I had my mum I had to ask MIL and there was no way I wanted her there, nice though she is, we just don't have that sort of relationship. Given the unpredictability of when things will happen, there's no guarantee of my mum getting there as she lives too far away anyway. DH was great, as were the MW, and like someone else said, once I hit 'the zone' I barely noticed anyone. Do what's right for you.
I had planned for my DH, SIL and MIL to be there. I was present at 3 of my SIL's 4 kids births - and it was very special to me. So I really wanted to show my gratitude to her (and let her experience what she gave me). My MIL was invited as my own Mother has passed. I'm a firm believer in village birthing where the people who are going to be important in the child's life are present at his birth - as it really helps the bond begin straight away.
I certainly found this was the case.
Unfortunately we were sent to a different hospital than we planned on and they wouldn't allow 3 people in with me - so MIL graciously offered to sit out. My DH gave his sister the honour of cutting my DS's cord - which meant soooo much to her.
I really wouldn't have changed a thing.
Having said all this - you must do what you're comfortable doing. I'm not an overly modest person, so the whole 'naked in front of others' thing didn't bother me and I'm quite close with my SIL and MIL, so it felt quite natural. That wouldn't be the case for everyone.
With my first I had my DP, my mum, and my twin sister. Orignially It was just going to be my DP and my sister there with me only, but while I was in labour I really needed my mummy there.
They kind of took it in turns who'd have a break/nap, etc so it worked out well.
With DS2, I had DP and my mum. My sister was looking after DS1.
Good luck with your upcoming birth. I hope it all goes well.
xox
I planned on it being just my DF for similar reasons to you. However my grandmother drove me to the hospital, and my mum's daughters were in kids unit already. They sort of both came back to say good bye and ended up staying. I didn't use them as support for me - I feel sorry that they were less involved they basicaslly sat in the corner for 3 hrs - but they were a great support t my DF. I didn;t realise it but they were making sure HE was hydrated, and he was ok etc.
It doesn;t sound like we should worry about them, but realistically they do a lot for us by being there so i was glad i had some background support to support him. Also, my mum held my other hand when i was pushing (i ended up on my back and he was out in three pushes, so very grateful) - and she captured the immediate post-birth photos which i am also very glad i have...
Have a think about it... your DH wont be able to do it all so it depends what you want out of your support person... Do you have a friend who could be a quiet one in the corner with a book and just do photos for you, or take over if your DH needs to go to the toilet or have a drink etc...
I've got my DH and my best friend lined up for my impending VBAC (along with the midwife and Dr, of course). My husband isn't really keen on being there by himself as he's not good in hospitals, let alone being the only one around to deal with me in labour. When I mentioned that I could ask my BF to come, it made DH feel heaps more confident and happier to be there. My BF has been induced twice, but both unfortunately resulted in C/S due to bubs being in distress. As I'm hoping for a natural birth she is really looking forward to being part of the experience and is going to help me in every way possible to get my natural birth. I would love both my sister (who has hypnobirthed twice) and my mum to be there, but my sister is in Brissy and my mum will be looking after our 2 y.o. DS.
Every birthing book I have read notes the importance of having a birthing partner that you are comfortable with and who will support you fully. So it doesn't matter if that's a Doula, your DH or whoever - as long as you want them there and that they want to be there for you.
Ooh, Dragoncookie reminded me of asomething... my friend who was present for DD2's birth took fantastic photos & video! Something we would not have had if she hadn't been there.
Again, though, it is totally up to you (and your DH). The most important thing is for you both to be comfortable with whoever you do or don't have there.
Sorry to sound like a parrot, but it's really a personal choice and depends on what you feel comfortable with!
I just had DH, and he was the best support person I could have asked for - I apparently didn' t even let him get as far as the toilet once we were in hospital. I also had a very supportive mw (we did group practice, so you have the same mw for all your appts and the birth, which meant we had a good relationship).
I know a few of Mum's work collegues thought it was odd that she wasn't going to be there, but tbh, neither her nor myself thought about it - we both figured it was an experience for hubby and me.
So exciting to be thinking about these sort of things - means its all getting close for you!!
With DD, DH and I thought a similar thing to you - very private situation, wanted it to be just the two of us plus medicos - MW, student MW and Obs when required. My sister had a bit of a circus (in numbers only, it wasn't too chaotic!) at my niece's birth, she had DH, Mum, me and SIL - we decided we wanted to avoid that and keep it private!
My mum and sis actually came to the hosp when I was in labour, I didn't mind that but they knew our feelings on staying out of the actual birth suite. It was great to have them there as a backup for DH and the plan was that he could duck out for a break, loo, coffee and one of them would tag team in so I wasn't alone.
However! Best laid plans - we hadn't counted on me being in labour for 30+ hours, active labour for 18 and by the last 6hrs or so (when it reached around midnight) we were all so exhausted that Mum and sis ended up in the room with me and DH sort of by default!
It worked really well - DH got a little powernap in the chair and I still had two people to support me - I was so exhausted that I couldn't even shift without needing to be lifted! So they ended up being there when they were needed and this worked out perfectly for us.
What we will do this time around, we haven't quite discussed.
I guess my point is that you make the decision you feel comfortable with now (as lots of the PPs have said) but be flexible on the day! It might turn out you need more support than you'd thought, or you might be overwhelmed if mum is there and might need to ask her to leave! Just do what feels right!
BellyBelly Member
support people in labour?
Don't give in to people bullying you to let them be there, and don't think you're not "normal" for only wanting your hubby to be there - there is no such thing as normal
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