Am i depressed or is this normal ? Please help me get over this

[confused]

I am 21 years old. . . And 4 months ago i suffered a miscarraige. When i found out i was pregnant it was the best news ever. And then i found out i was expecting twins, a dream i always had. and then i lost them. I was 14 weeks when i found out that my babies had no heartbeat. I dont know if this is a normal grieving process but i still cant get over what have happened. I often feel like it was my fault that this happened. I cant stand seeing other women pregnant anymore and i cant even go for baby showers. It just rips my heart out because when i look at them i think that i could be that person i could have been pregnant today or have had a baby. i often think about how i could have done something to prevent what have happened. I have asked doctars i even did research as to why thi shappened to me and no one can answer me. I often have dreams of babies. that are mine or that are in danger and i need to help them. . .
Is what i am going through normal? How do i get over my grief ? Please if anyone has advice for me let me know thanks. . .

Confused in South Africa

[Laney]

I am so sorry to read about you losses. I just want to tell you that everything you are feeling is "normal". You did nothing wrong and you could not have done anything to prevent this from happening.
I have lost a son at 22 weeks and a daughter at 28 weeks. It has been 3 years since I lost my son and 2 years since I had to say goodbye to my little girl. I will never get over the passing of my first two little ones. It does get a tiny bit easier everyday. It really helps me to chat with other ladies here on Belly. I don't know what I would have done without the pregnancy after loss forum.

[diannescruffy]

Sorry for the loss of your twins to you hun. What you are feeling and going through are normal. There was nothing you could have done to prevent the loss. I too use to have the most awful dreams after losing Emmanuel, I'm so sorry you are going through all this pain at the moment. Just take day by day and in time your pain will ease a little, thank you for sharing your story with us. Your angels will always be close to your heart.

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks
Trisomy 13

[confused]

I am also deeply sorry for your losses. I find it so much easier to talk about it here as i am not one who speaks of things that bother me. But reading other ladies storys was rather heartbreaking, and i realized that there are others out there feeling the same as i am. thank you so much for your reply it somehow helps. I often wonder WHY, how could God give me a gift and then in a minute just take it away. Some close friends and people close to me dont help they constantly blame me and say it was my fault but i would never do that to my own. . . Thank you so much for your responses. And hope it gets much easier for you guys as well. . . Your'll are definitely in my thoughts and prayers

By the way if you fall pregnant again does it help fill the Gap?

[Inertia]

Confused - this is a quote from Freud in a letter after the loss of his daughter. I think it sums up how you will feel and that you will get through.

“Although we know that after such a loss the acute state of mourning will
subside, we also know we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a
substitute, no matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it
nevertheless remains something else. And actually this is how it should be…it
is the only way of perpetuating that love which we do not want to relinquish.”

I am so sorry for the loss of your angel babies.

[Laney]

Confused, right after each of my losses I was ready to get pregnant again. I have no idea why I could not take a little time to recover emotionally. I was determined to bring a healthy baby home. I think everyone is different in that aspect. I know women that waited a year and a know many that went right on to try again.
My third pregnancy did give me a beautiful baby boy. The pregnancy was very difficult emotionally. I was always afraid that he was going to be taken away. It was 4 months after his birth before I started to "recover". I think if I would have taken the time to deal with the pain right after my losses it would have been a tiny bit "easier". I still have days when I can't control the tears for my two little angels. I guess what I am trying to say is that you can't replace the little ones that you have lost. You will always miss them.

[confused]

Thank you so much. Just to know that there is someone there that is willing to answer all the questions I have helps, And reading what you have been through helps me because then i somehow feel i am not alone and if i did or do react the way you did then i know that i am not crazy and that its somewhat normal. . .
I have also been trying to fall pregnant since my loss. But four months later i still have no luck. . .I just dont know what to do there.I am willing to do anything.

Laney thanks again so much for all your help. It means alot. . .