I have just found you all, it is so comforting to know I am not alone. Your stories are so sad, I feel my loss is small compared to the pain many of you have been through. I have just lost the baby who would have been my number 5. I am lucky to have four boys from for pregnancies with no previous losses. I confidently believed that as I had done it before there wouldd be no problem. I knew something wass wrong from the start but i tried to believe he would be OK. At 10 weeks 4 days I had a slight bleed, two days later at the ultra sound I was told, 'I'm so sorry but there is no heart beat'.. those words will haunt me forever. I decided to let nature take its course, this was so hard. I had help from my herbalist which moved things along. Then strangely I had a normal 'labour' and 'birth' including waters etc...he was so tiny. I buried him under a plant in his own special pot, I have a baby ring which I wear, but people find it hard to understand that despite the fact we lost him too soon he was to us our child.
The poems i have found on the forums have had me sobbing again, but I am going to use one to add to his pictures.
I am desperate to try again, scared and feel guilty that I shouldn't try to replace him.
Thank you for your stories, it helps to know that we can remember our babies no matter how short a time they are with us.
I have no words to make you feel better, but I just wanted to send big hugs and thoughts your way. Your baby is precious and his life matters, even if he didn't live for very long.
So sorry for the loss of your precious baby . You will find lots of comfort and support here on BB, there are too many of us who have lost angels, we feel your pain.
Mummylion, I'm so sorry for your loss It does not matter at which point of our pg we lose our angel babies, they are our babies and we must grieve for them all the same. Some people think that b/c they were so small our loss must be small too. Not true at all, and I would just tell them how you feel as some of them have not been through it so they just don't understand. My own mum told me to move on soon after I lost my litle boy back in Oct 08, I couldn't believe how insensitive she was, but then again she's never lost a baby so I had to accept that she just didn't get it.
Try again when you are ready hun. When I decided I wanted to try again, I also felt the guilt of wanting to replace my little boy. The truth is, I so longed to be pg again, but I wanted a little brother or sister for my little Joshua, and that made me feel better. I understood that I didn't want to replace him, but rather give him a wee sibling. Our angels can never be replaced hun, we can only add more beautiful children to our lives.
Good luck to you hun, grieve for your little one, and allow yourself some time to that that. You'll know when the time is right to try again.
mummylion, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your little baby I hope that you can find some comfort sharing your little boy's precious life with those that understand what you are going through here on BB - the ladies here are so wonderful, empathetic and sensitive.
I will send a prayer for your little boy to send you another beautiful child to be his brother or sister here on earth.
mummylion - sweetie, a loss is a loss. Your feelings of grief are valid and real, and are no less so because of when your baby grew wings at 10 weeks. Your litle boy is your much loved baby and he will always will be. He is a part of your family.
People often can't understand unless they have been through it, and can be insenstive. They mean well, mostly, but sometimes their comments are just hurtful. Sadly it's something we all have to deal with. I even had one friend say to me the ohter night "oh I don't want to get pg unless its with twins, because I don't want 3 children I want 4". The weird thing? She had a m/c. So sometimes even experience doesn't necessarily make people more understanding.
I really like your ring and the idea of your plant for your little man. There are lots of ways to remember and memoralise your little man.
Don't buy into that guff about replacement babies, I personally think that might only apply in very very limited circumstances. Most mothers are only too aware that thier angel baby is an individual in their own right and has a special place in their heart and family. If you are planning for another bub, then try again when you feel ready. You will know when that is. Don't underestimate that trying again takes courage.
mummylion - sweetie, a loss is a loss. Your feelings of grief are valid and real, and are no less so because of when your baby grew wings at 10 weeks. Your litle boy is your much loved baby and he will always will be. He is a part of your family.
People often can't understand unless they have been through it, and can be insenstive. They mean well, mostly, but sometimes their comments are just hurtful. Sadly it's something we all have to deal with. I even had one friend say to me the ohter night "oh I don't want to get pg unless its with twins, because I don't want 3 children I want 4". The weird thing? She had a m/c. So sometimes even experience doesn't necessarily make people better with words. I understood what she was saying, but it just hurt me so much, because it reminded me of my twins.
I really like your ring and the idea of your plant for your little man. There are lots of ways to remember and memoralise your little man.
Don't buy into that guff about replacement babies, I personally think that might only apply in very very limited circumstances. Most mothers are only too aware that thier angel baby is an individual in their own right and has a special place in their heart and family. If you are planning for another bub, then try again when you feel ready. You will know when that is. Don't underestimate that trying again takes courage.
Good luck.
Last edited by dory; March 10th, 2010 at 02:16 PM.
: clarification
Hello, again thankyou for your support, I am visiting the GP later to ask for a blood test for Hughes syndrome, I already have thyroid disease which can cause infertilty that was diagnosed 3 Years ago, the fact that we even had our extra one for a few weeks was a miracle. We are praying that if we c again, my body will let us keep the baby.
I think my little man is looking down on us, I will let you know what I find out, xxxxxxxxxxx
Hello, tommorow will be my first day back since we lost our little one. I am not looking forward to it, my boss wrote to me to ask for confirmation because my sick certficate did not state mc on it. As if I would lie!!! Then she had a go at me for 1) having a natural miscarriage, 2) being signed off for 3 weeks 3) said 'oh my God' in a digusted way when I told her we had buried our baby!
I really must find another job.
On a happier note, we are chasing the elusive egg that is apparently ready, sadly DH had to go away for work today and we were too tired to try too much, just hope that the 5-7 day lifespan of his little soldiers is true.
My thyroid doctor told me that my thyroid didn't cause our little one pass, hopefully my body won't fight another one. I am taking a low dose asprin at present, still waiting for my BT results. I think if this does work I will seekthe advice of my herbalist.
Any loss is difficult and must be grieved. I remember someone put into context for us after our loss like this:
"You wee on a stick in the morning, and by the afternoon you've planned what school they're going to."
Pregnancy changes the way you plan the next twenty years of your life, more even. The loss of that pregnancy changes it all again, and that is why it is so hard.
Take care of yourself. I hope that your special pot plant grows up big and strong.
I am still waiting for the test results, stopped the asprin until I get the results. The doctor was very good though, normally they make you wait for three consecutive losses until they test.
Little bit concerned that my cycle will start again soon which will mean we have missed out this time, am hoping all the achy feeling is just normal
As soon as I get the results I will post. The test is for 'antiphopholopid' antibodies (think i spelt it right). Google 'sticky blood'. If you are persistent and sound knowledgeable they will test.
mummylion - blah to your boss! Some people are just so darn yucky. Hold your chin up and know deep in your heart that they are the one with the problem and who are morally deficient, not you!
I hope your cycle starts soon too. It's a very reassurring ( and maddeningly frustrating) to be on the trying to conceive journey again. Hope DH isn't away for too long.
got my BT results, apparently my blood is normal so that is good. Think if we do get pg again I will ask for follow up test to make sure! DH is trying for another job, interview Sat - means he is only away a couple of days.
Still nothing on the cycle front, only 30 days so it could mean everything or nothing. If nothing appears in two weeks I think I will ask for a BT for pg. but my friend told me it could take three months to get things back on track!
My horrid boss is a cow!!!! being referred to Ocupational health because I took time off when I lost my bubs, trying to get my head round it and think the extra stress she put me through for the last couple of years couldn't have helped.
Thanks for your kind words, my head is very up at the moment, can't wait for the Easter hols.
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My first loss
. You will find lots of comfort and support here on BB, there are too many of us who have lost angels, we feel your pain.
Angel Joshua, 1/10/08 21 weeks
I hope that you can find some comfort sharing your little boy's precious life with those that understand what you are going through here on BB - the ladies here are so wonderful, empathetic and sensitive.
that is apparently ready, sadly DH had to go away for work today and we were too tired to try too much, just hope that the 5-7 day lifespan of his little soldiers is true.
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