Hi I am new to BB but I need somewhere to turn in hopes of recovering from my loss.
My husband and I have been married since Oct and began TTC right away. Even before we were married we weren't using any form of BC, so by the beginning of Dec we spoke with my gyno about help conceiving. We are young, but want a baby soon. I had a miscarriage in 03 at 6 weeks before I had even realized I was pregnant. We were afraid we would have trouble TTC due to the m/c, but in Jan I missed my AF and tested positive on Jan 26. We were ecstatic and surprised. We went in the next day to the gyno and she confirmed the pregnancy by doing an ultrasound to see that the sac was in place. It appeared empty by she said it was just too early to see anything yet (I was only 5w 4d by my calculations). She tested all my hcg and other hormone level. Everything tested normal except my progeterone levels were low so she prescribed Crinone gel. Everything went okay, we went back to gyno on Feb 9 at 7w 3d. Gyno said baby measured only 6w 4d but everything looked perfectly fine. We saw the ultrasound, we could see our little peanut moving and the heartbeating strong on the screen. I had no morning sickness, no cramping, no bleeding. Went back to gyno on Mar 2 at 10w 3d and the gyno couldn't find the heartbeat with the dopplar. She said that's not weird but let's do an ultrasound to make sure eveything is ok. I knew from the minute the screen came on something was wrong. I could see my peanut and she was so much bigger than last time but there was no movement and definately no heartbeat. The gyno said baby measured exactly 10w but the heart had probably stoppe 2-3d before. We we heartbroken. We went to the radiologist to get a more thorough US with the same results. My husband told me later he stood there staring at the screen begging the heartbeat to just show up. The gyno talked to me right away about having a D&C done, and I did the next day. Physically, I have almost completely healed now only a week later but emotionally I am still a wreck. I thought my m/c 6y ago was just a fluke and would never happen again, but it did. We want to try again and the gyno says we have the go ahead in a month, as soon as I get AF again. We have talked about it and my husband even the day of surgery says we will try right away again, but i'm very scared. I don't think I could stand to go thru this heartbreak again. Once we had seen the heartbeat at 5w we told pretty much everyone because everything seemed perfect compared to my first. Even my husband now says he's scared to have this heartbreak again but even more so he doesn't want to see me going into surgery again and having the physical pain on top of the emotional pain. I haven't even returned to work yet because I don't want people asking me about it an me having to explain. How can I help myself get thru this?
Oh hun, big to you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your two angels, it's so tough. I can understand your fear of trying again though, it must have been hard to try again after your first loss, I can't imagine the fear of now trying again after your recent loss. All I can say to you is that if it is your dream to have a baby or two, you have to keep going. I lost my little boy back in Oct 08, his name was Joshua and I made it to 21 weeks with him. The fear of trying again after I lost him was tremendous, I kept thinking I might lose another baby and I couldn't contemplate it. I had a medical reason though, a big fibroid that got in the way, so I got it removed before I tried agian. I am much older that you though, so I couldn't wait forever in trying again, but I would have preferred to wait longer for me to heal emotionally. Hun, I'm not sure if they do any testing in repeat m/c until you have at least 3, but it's worth checking with your doc. You might find that he/she will just say it's one of those things, a bit of bad luck, but that's pretty normal. I think the block that we have is more emotional, and knowing when the time is right to try again.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go back to work, I found it extremely hard doing it myself. I think I took off 8 weeks or so, and even when I went back I wasn't really ready anyway, but I was going nuts at home and everyone encouraged me to do it. The first day was the hardest and then it got easier.
I can also understand your hubby being worried for you, but also for wanting another baby. It's so hard. He worries about you and your well being, but he must grieve too hun. Encourage him to talk about his feelings and let him know yours too. Together you both must go through the process, it's important to deal with your loss, grieve it and then you can move on as scary as that is! Remember to seek help though if you're finding it hard to cope. There is SIDS and Kids and SANDS, both of these groups deal with pg losses, recurrent m/c and the emotional support you need in trying again.
I'm expecting my second baby now, due in a week, so I can tell you that pure perseverence does pay off, but not without the normal fears that come with it.
Good luck to you and your hubby hun, I hope that you will soon hold a baby in your arms.
Thank you so much for your support.
One of the first things we spoke with the dr about is testing to see what they could find. They don't automatically do it in a case like mine, but he said he would order it since we requested it. They will look for genetic abnormalities specifically to see if there was a missing or incomplete chromosome or possibly an extra one. My first m/c was before I met my husband, I was only 19, and it was very early on so it was possibly a blighted ovum. Didn't know I was pregnant til the actual m/c due to AF being irregular I thought that's all it was. The dr says he currently has no reason to believe we can't have a healthy baby, that this was probably just some bad luck.
We do plan on trying again, but I know it will take some time
Wndrgrl, I'm very sorry for the loss of your little baby
Please give yourself time to grieve and feel your loss and express how you are feeling - it is so very normal to want to try again but at the same time to feel very fearful of what the future may hold.
I hope that the results from the tests give you some, comfort and some reassurance about the loss of your little one, and that you will be able to have a healthy, beautiful pregnancy in the not too distant future.
Good luck, hun, be kind to yourself, and I hope that you will have your dreams of a child come true before long xo
Sweetie - I am so sorry that you are hurting so much now and your much longed for little one has gone.
Honestly, looking back on my losses, I have absolutely no idea how I got through. I took it one moment, one hour, one day at a time. I gave myself space to just grieve, in whatever form that took. I did lots of reading. I slowly made my way back into the world, although I felt pretty disconnected from it for a long time. I tried SANDS, but it wasn't for me. I went to a counselor, and if you find the right one they are magic. I only kept in contact with people that I found supported me and with whom I felt safe. I took time off work and returned to work gradually. I kept a journal and found ways that I liked to memorialise our babies.
What are my tips? Be gentle on yourself, and let yourself grieve. Talk to your DH and check in to make sure he is ok too. I think they feel so completely helpless because they want the baby to be ok and then they see us going through so much agony. He is grieiving too, but may not want to show you. See if you can encourage him to.
My DH was really reluctant to try again after Sophie ( but then so was I). When I was ready to start thinking about it, he still had reservations. The reservations? Just like your DH, he didn't want to see me hurting so much and feel so helpless. We would talk about it every so often, and soon he told me that he wasn't as scared anymore. The fear is always there, but he was willing to take the plunge again. With sprite and Amelia, we were both ready to take to plunge again straight away.
You will find the right thing for you both. Look after yourself. One day at a time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
*big hug*
You will deff. find the love and support you need here, so many amazing women to help you out.
I don't really have anything to offer, except i really hope you get your dream of a baby. It's a long hard road, and will hurt...but I really hope it gets easier for you sooner rather than later. best of luck with it!
*hugs again*
My loss
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to you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your two angels, it's so tough. I can understand your fear of trying again though, it must have been hard to try again after your first loss, I can't imagine the fear of now trying again after your recent loss. All I can say to you is that if it is your dream to have a baby or two, you have to keep going. I lost my little boy back in Oct 08, his name was Joshua and I made it to 21 weeks with him. The fear of trying again after I lost him was tremendous, I kept thinking I might lose another baby and I couldn't contemplate it. I had a medical reason though, a big fibroid that got in the way, so I got it removed before I tried agian. I am much older that you though, so I couldn't wait forever in trying again, but I would have preferred to wait longer for me to heal emotionally. Hun, I'm not sure if they do any testing in repeat m/c until you have at least 3, but it's worth checking with your doc. You might find that he/she will just say it's one of those things, a bit of bad luck, but that's pretty normal. I think the block that we have is more emotional, and knowing when the time is right to try again.
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