My story...Help, I am feeling so impatient

[Lemonade]

Hello,

I have been reading so many forums over the last week and the words of so many women who have been through what I am now going through has been a source of great support for me.

However this is the first time I am posting myself - after seeing what a wonderful group of ladies are on belly belly, I thought it would be really helpful to get an extra boost of support and encouragement.

So my story....My hubbie and I were so excited about our 19 week scan just over a week ago - we were literally counting the days. Anyway from the moment the sonographer started the scan. she knew something was wrong. The leg was a 17-week leg and there was no heartbeat.

It felt as if our world was crashing down around us. It felt so unbelievable and surreal. For a while there, I didn't know how we were going to make it through.

I was admitted to hospital straight away and given medication for an induction - which was pretty traumatic. I delivered 24 hours later and it was only after I returned home that the emotional rollercoaster began.

My husband, family and friends have been so supportive and my husband and I are both very keen to start trying to conceive as soon as possible.

However after 9 days I am still bleeding a little. Yesterday I thought the bleeding had stopped and I felt so excited. But it started again a little later. It's very light but is still there.

I have also been charting my temperature and my temps are still quite high. They definitely haven't returned to normal levels yet. I know from reading other womens experiences that it can take a few weeks for things to return back to normal but I have also read that there are women who ovulate 2 weeks after miscarriage.

I know there are so many variables here and every women in different. My new mantra (thanks to Shannon from the biggest loser ) is to control the controllables and let the variables take care of themselves. So yes, I know then that I should just be patient and wait until my body has healed and the bleeding has stopped.

I am just so impatient to start trying again and I get a little despondant that my body isn't going back to normal as quickly as I hoped.

I guess I was just wanting to hear some reassuring words from ladies who have had similar experiences and perhaps any coping mechanisms about trying to stay positive while my body gets back to normal.

I am feeling positive that our next baby will be healthy and will stay with us and I can't wait to start trying to conceive.

Thanks for your support and best wishes to all.

[Arcadia]

No advice, but I didn't want to read and run.

I am sure there will be some wise BBers who can offer some helpful support.

[Rach75]

just wanted to offer some

you say you were induced so the bleeding may continue on and off for a bit...even though I am guessing you little one was considered a m/c you will have technically given birth therefore you should try to follow the same rules as a post partum woman...

I have lost 5 angels and have 2 healthy babies so I knwo the pain of losing a baby one of those was my daughter who was stillborn at 21 weeks

I know how it feels to want to be pg again to get rid of the emptiness, but take the time to grieve take the time to heal... have you got a follow up appointment with the hosp or dr ... to check everything is AOK... I hope this isn't to personal were you having any testing done on bub to see why he/she passed...

something else which is good is to name your baby... it helps to reconnect

I have a quote that I love and I hope you dont mind if I share

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

[Lemonade]

Thanks so much for your support. I'm so glad that I shared my story - it really helps so much to get personal advice and encouragement.

Rach, you mentioned that I should follow the guidelines of a post-partum women...excuse my ignorance but since this was my first pregnancy, I'm not really sure what these guidelines would be. Would my situation having given birth mean that I would have a different recovery experience than those women who have experienced a D&C or natural miscarriage?

Thanks very much
xxx

[Jaycee]

I don't have any helpful advice but just wanted to offer you a and let you know how sorry I am for your loss
xxx

[luna moth]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Hunn, this impatience is completely normal. You might be relieved to know that the first thing most women think, after a loss at ANY stage is "how do I fill this hole?" It doesn't mean you love your angel any less if that's what you want, and it is frustrating when your body can't keep up with that.

For me, I had to wait 6 months after the loss of ours at 12 weeks, due to molar pregnancy. That seemed like a life sentence whn it was handed down. But now, from the end of it, it wasn't so bad. I used the time to re-focus, and get really ready. I lost 3kg, got my teeth 100% sorted out, took a couple of trips with my DH away from everything, so we could have some time alone (you know, the stuff you look back and miss when you have a baby, well, we got some extra for good measure)

I would recommend doing all of this, and casually trying at the same time. Keep temping - it's nice to know where you're at. But give your body a chance to build a nice new home for your take-home baby. Expecting quick results, or trying too hard is setting yourself up for disappointment. That baby will come to you. Just take your time to make sure everything is ready for it when it does.

Good luck.

[chody47]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

I'm sorry that I can't offer much advice here as I am in the same situation as you at the moment (I lost my little one on Tuesday at just 6 weeks). I too am hoping that I can start TTC ASAP.

I just thought I'd post to let you know that I am thinking of you and your loss. I found that these kind words helped me a lot.

All the best!

[Mildez]

Lemonade I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.

I tend to agree with Rach75 that as your loss was late that it could take time for your cycle to return (bleeding to stop and ovulation to occur again) it could be several weeks for all the bleeding to stop. Once this happens you can probably expect to then have signs of fertility again like fertile cervical mucous etc. Your temp also wont go down until this has occured as you probably still have a high progesterone level (which keeps your temp up) I hope it ceases for you so you can try again if that is what you want to do however if it continues for another week or two then this would be normal (provided its not smelly, painful, clotty etc)

Once again I am sorry this has happened to you and your DH.

[~MummaBear~]

hi
I am so sorry for the loss of your little bub. I lost my little girl 6 months ago , i was 18 weeks pregnant. it took 3 weeks for the bleeding to stop and now my cylces still are not all that regular. impatient is deff normal. I am sorry i cant be of more help, i am still TTC now. I agree with the OP about naming baby, it made it well not easier but it helped once we had named our little girl!

[RhiChiChi]

So sorry for your loss. I have only had early losses, so I cannot provide any advice on the medical stuff. Please know that this site has wonderful support and threads. Hugs x

[Laney]

I am so sorry. I found out at my 22 week scan that my little boy did not have a heart beat. It took 4 weeks for my bleeding to stop. I was pregnant again on the second cycle. Take a little time to heal. My second pregnancy was so emotionally difficult.

[CharlieB]

Hi Lemonade,

I'm so sorry for your loss

So much of what you have said is what seems to be in my head at the moment as well!

I am 4 weeks post birth, I delivered my baby boy at 22 weeks. Like you, I was so full of excitement at our 19 week scan but got terrible news. It took another couple of weeks for things to progress to the point where we had lost him and needed to be induced.

I am also keen to TTC ASAP, I don't want to replace my son but I really feel ready to try again.

I bled pretty steadily for 2 weeks then had another 5-6 days of spotting, during this last 5 days or so it would sometimes stop completely for a day then come back, which is frustrating.

I don't temp or use OPK's or anything but I suspect that I might have ovulated about 3 weeks out, just going on the CM. But I realise I have no way of knowing and I may not ovulate at all this cycle.
I am now impatiently waiting for my AF so we can try properly. Being patient about my body going back to normal has been impossible!

Hang in there, I know how much I was struggling at only 9 days out, I still am. But things do slowly get better, I feel like I have just started to feel somewhat ok again this week. I found that just getting out of bed every day and trying to do some normal things, seeing a friend, exercising etc, helped to pass the time. I have also found the lovely ladies in the TTC after late loss forum have been a massive help to me.

[Lemonade]

Wow, I can't get over how warm I feel as I read these replies. It feels as if I have been cossetted by a gigantic hug. Even though I have never met you all, it feels so much better that there are other that are going through this horrible experience as well.

I am so sorry to hear about all your losses but I really appreciate you sharing your stories.

Chody, CharlieB - it's still so very raw for us it seems. Charlie, it really helped me to hear that your bleeding has now stopped and that you are starting to feel better. I'm looking forward to getting there too. It's also good to know that I'm not the only one feeling so impatient!

I'm going back to work next week (after a 2 week break) so I feeling a little anxious about that. I think everyone will be understanding but I know it will still be a little hard, especially since I had it in my head that I would be going on maternity leave in July. I guess that date will just be postponed now.

thanks again for all your support

xxx

[au0]

Hi all,

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. It's amazing how each of you are choosing to be strong.

I also just had a miscarriage early this week. I was about 5.5 weeks. It was very hard to accept at first but I guess by today, I have already done all the crying I needed to and accepted the fact. DH and I didnt have it easy as we underwent one ivf cycle without success and suddenly naturally conceived and then lost this baby.

Yes I can fully understand Lemonade about being impatient. Right now, I just want to start trying for a baby asap..more determined than ever. Since my bleeding has more or less stop and since this is very early miscarriage, I reckon my cycle is not really out of whack. I use the OPKs and basal temp tracking to pinpoint ovulation. That's how I got pregnant last month. I will start doing that soon.

Lemonade, as for your case, yes i agree with everybody else that your body has to undergo changes to normality since you were about 19 weeks. It may mean a little bit of waiting but the positive thing is I understand that your body would be really fertile right after.

Rach75, your quote is so so true...I love it.

Quote:

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

[grinnysgirl]

Hi Lemonade, i'm so so so sorry you are going through this
i just wanted 2 say, I have 2 children, after my daughter was born i bleed for about 2 weeks & my son was (longer than normal) about 8 weeks. I think up to six weeks is normal postpartum.. which as the others say, is probably more suited to your situation. I had early preg loss & bleed about 10 days.. Everyone is different.
There is something you could try to help regulate your cycle if you really want to ttc & its called Dong qual.. It's been highly recommended to me. I hope I have helped u in some way. Thinking of you x

[grinnysgirl]

Sorry its Dong quai... but its not recommended for taking during pregnancy which u may be concerned about if you ttc..

[au0]

i am taking some chinese herbs (brew every day) to nourish my body after the miscarriage. think it has dong gui in it, if that is what you are referring to, grinnygal? is the bitter?

chinese doctor told me is ok to take the concoction until i get a positive on the HPT, it shouldnt harm the baby once i stop at early pregnancy.

[grinnysgirl]

hey no its dong quai, & yes your right, it will be fine till u get a BFP xx