Need advice - both parents working full time?

[Jaycee]

Hi everyone

I'm in a bit of a dilemma - I'm currently working part time in a boring dead end office job that will get me no where. I am quite career driven, however my family does come first. There will come a day when my little man won't need me as much and so I am starting to plan for that time. So I've started a diploma in Financial Planning, which I'm really enjoying.

My problem is, part time work in this industry is very rare, it's basically full time or nothing. But there's more to this problem, there's a few jobs floating around at the moment that would actually pay for me to do the course I'm doing at the moment, and for further training (advanced diploma and then a masters in applied finance, which is what I'm aiming to do as well) whilst obviously gaining exposure to the industry and much needed experience. These are all obviously full time.

This would be a fantastic opportunity for me to fast track my career, not to mention the extra money would help, and having my courses paid for too. I'm just having such a hard time with the guilt that I'm feeling even thinking about working full time, let alone actually doing it. DS is currently cared for 3 days by my mum while I work, he loves going there and she loves having him. If I were to go full time, he would go to daycare the other 2 days.

I'm wondering if there are any other families out there with both parents working? How do you feel about it? Is it out of necessity that you both work or have you chosen to? Do you feel guilty about doing it? How are your children coping?

At the moment I'm leaning towards just staying where I am as I just can't get over the guilt of leaving my little man, but would love to hear some feedback from parents who do both work full time.

Thanks so much

[Mum2SweetCs]

Hi GG,
Both DH and I work full time ever since DD was 8 months. There will definitely be days which you will feel so guilty!

For us it was because we wanted to give DD a comfortable living. However, I do work a few days from home which i spend with DD and my team leader gives me a few hrs on friday to spend time with DD. Most week i just take half day off on Friday to spend with her.

I use to take her playgroup, swimming etc, it has helped heaps especially the guilt of leaving her.

I am also lucky as my mum looks after her and she does a fab job too.

In the end, if we have another child then i will definitely be working part time but then at least we will be less burdened with debt (i hope).

Goodluck and hopefully you will find a solution/job that will give you flexibility.

[OceanPrincess]

Hey hey,

Tough decision for you!!

Hope you don't mind my input - while I am not back at work FT, some good friends of our are both working FT and I have spoken with them a fair bit about it so can offer a few insights...

After they had DS1, the intention was for mum to stay at home for 6mths min and then back to work PT. However DS1 was a grumpy, unsettled bub and she really struggled at home with him - no support network (I wasn't around at the time, these are DH's friends, I was a mere spark in DH's eye lol), family in the country, she in Melbourne, didn't connect with MG, really missed her work.

She loves her job and is really good at it - so she decided to go back to work FT when DS1 was 6wks old. He had been put onto formula and was thriving and a lot happier and she decided she'd take control of something that she could actually control and went back to work.

DS1 is now 4 and has been in FT childcare since 6wks old.

She then had DS2, who is the same age as my DD and this time didn't even bother with pretending she wanted to be a FT SAHM - she took 3mths off, then he was into childcare with his brother and she was back at work FT.

If they have a third, she will stay at work FT and her DH will probably be a SAHD.

While their family arrangement is not ideal for everyone (and DH and I have certainly had lots of chats about it) it is what works for them.

She was completely freaking out with DS1 and going back to work allowed her to regain some measure of control in her life.

It was not financially-driven - they have paid off their house and she could have been a SAHM if she wanted. But fact of the matter is she loves her job. No, she does not love it more than her kids, but allowing herself to be happy at work allows her to be the best mum she can be - she is totally devoted to them on weekends and they are a happy, content family.

Does she deal with guilt in her spare time? Probably. Does she let if affect her parenting? Maybe - I've seen some behaviour in her DS1 that I wouldn't allow in my kids, but that could just be their style.

Has it affected their kids? I highly doubt it - they are both happy boys and love going to childcare. The interesting time will be if they decide to have a third!

I hope that helps a little - it is just so far off the typical FT dad, SAH then back to work PT mum type family image that I thought I'd share.