13 miscarriages in 5 yrs.. How do I cope?

[alffiesmummy]

I really feel like I am fighting a losing battle right now! In 5 years, I have had 13 miscarriages, and only one successful full term pregnancy... My most recent miscarriage was Sunday just gone.
I have finally been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, but the waiting list for that place is ridiculous!
People keep telling me I should be grateful that I have my son, because atleast i'm not childless.. Which is true.. But is it really that selfish of me to want another baby so my son has a brother or sister??
Someone please help.. I really don't know how i'm expected to keep going!! If it wasn't for my son, Then i'd be a wreck by now!

[Fleur]

I am so sorry for your losses.
It's not selfish at all for you to want a brother or sister for your son.
I am sorry that this is what brings you to BB but you will find great support here.

[Tegam]

NO NO NO there is nothing selfish in wanting another bubba. I think that is something normally said to make themselves feel better not you!

I cant believe that they are only refering you now! 13 is far too many! I hope you find the support you need here at BB!

[RhiChiChi]

I really feel like I am fighting a losing battle right now! In 5 years, I have had 13 miscarriages, and only one successful full term pregnancy... My most recent miscarriage was Sunday just gone.
I have finally been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, but the waiting list for that place is ridiculous!
People keep telling me I should be grateful that I have my son, because atleast i'm not childless.. Which is true.. But is it really that selfish of me to want another baby so my son has a brother or sister??
Someone please help.. I really don't know how i'm expected to keep going!! If it wasn't for my son, Then i'd be a wreck by now!

Welcome to BB alffiesmummy. I am so sorry for all your losses, your angel babies. You have certainly had a very difficult time. Have you considered alternative therapies, not just for the recurrent m/c but also for your emotional well-being whilst waiting to get into the clinic?

You are not selfish at all for wanting another baby, another member for your family! - This is what I want too and I have experienced 4 m/c so far from your 13 m/c. Please join in the LTTTC threads or something similar as there are many ladies whom have been through what you have been going through and can relate, empathise and give you tons of tips and support. x

[kelbel]

I'm so sorry to hear of all your losses..
I'm sure the people who have told you to be lucky have not experienced a loss, not a fair comment to make. I don't think it's selfish for you to want to be blessed with more children, it's only natural to want to try again and again.

Big hugs sweetie, I'll have everything crossed for you things go your way with the clinic

xx

[alffiesmummy]

Thankyou all for your kind words on all of ur posts. I am currently seeing a councellor whilst in the process of waiting to hear back from the m/c clinic.. But all she ever says is that she's sensing a lot of anger and negative energy... Well, D'UH!! What does she expect... I heard from the m/c clinic on Thursday and they are waiting for 4 more of my blood tests to come back and then they can give me my appt... Until then I have to sit and wait! I had my blood tests done back in Jan, all 18 bottles of blood! Just feels like i'm constantly waiting. Have been waiting 5 ears, don't want to wait any longer, sorry if that makes me sound selfish....

[Cherished]

I am currently seeing a councellor whilst in the process of waiting to hear back from the m/c clinic.. But all she ever says is that she's sensing a lot of anger and negative energy... Well, D'UH!! What does she expect...

I totally agree, what does she expect? I also can't believe that you are only just being referred now after a heart breaking 13 miscarriages. I'm so sorry to read of your losses and you will find so much support here on BB so welcome to our community Regarding your care providers, Don't feel like you need to keep seeing the same people if they are not taking your situation seriously, you have choice and if a Dr isn't giving you answers see someone else, don't wait for a 14th miscarriage. I was lead to believe that it was pretty standard to investigate after 3 losses and I was confident enough to demand all the tests after 2 confirmed losses and a possible 3rd. As RhiChiChi suggested alternative therapy is another option, not all answers lie in the medical profession. Goodluck with everything.

[alffiesmummy]

When I had my 2nd loss I asked my gp if I could be referred to the m/c clinic, but he told me I had to be 25 before I could be seen... So then went on to have another 10 miscarriages before I put my foot down when I was admitted to A&E and refused to move until I was referred to the clinic.. Even then they messed my blood tests up and had to go back a month later!! I can't demand to see anyone right now as they're still waiting for my blood results, until they come back, no-one will know what they are dealing with!!

[Cherished]

Empower yourself hon, you do always have a choice of your care providers. GP's and specialists are not Gods, they don't have any control over you. You do have the right to be referred to whoever you want to see and if your regular GP wont refer you go and see a different GP until somone listens to you and gives you what you want. The same goes for a specialist, if they don't give you answers or don't take you seriously go and see a different specialist. It's only one persons opinion and as I said you get to choose your care providers. I hope the people you are seeing now help you

[Footsteps]

hi huni, welcome to bb. i am so sorry to hear of your recurrent m/c. my sis had 10 before she had my nephew. her problem was her body attacking the baby. (im not sure what its called or the treatment) but after a pregnancy on bed rest she now has a 2 and half year old. i have no advice i just hope you get some answers. take care of yourself huni. rach xx

[alffiesmummy]

Hi Rach thanks for that.. I had 2 miscarriages, and then had my son, and have now gone onto having 11 more
The clinic have said that the next time I fall pregnant, they will most probably put me on 22 weeks of bed rest... Eeeek!
But we are prepared to do whatever we can to give Alffie a brother or sister!!

[dory]

alffiesmummy - I am so sad to hear that your have had to endure so much heartbreak.

There is a really good link about possible causes of miscarriage and recurrent miscarriage by Innanna. I will find the link and post it at the end of this message. it will give you some more things to think about. It might be you've been through all of the tests, but at least you will be armed with knowledge. And knowledge is power.

I agree you don't have to continue with the same doctors, but you can be limited if you are in a regioanl area with few Drs and you might be limited be your finances. I know of one family who moved to be closer to their obstetrician after miscarriage/extremely premature birth/neonantal death.

I am not a medical professional or even in the field and I have no connection to Syndey IVF. One of the emerging fields of reproductive science is the concept of Natural Killer Cells ( someone mentioned it in their post - their body attacking the baby) and from my reading this will often result in early miscarriages, often after a successful pregnancy. A Dr at Sydney IVF specialises in recurrent miscarriage and in this emerging field. He does telephone apppointments if you're not in Sydney. Dr Sachs. You will need a referral. Even though I don't fit the typical history of a patient with NKC issues I was going to see him but then my circumstances changed.

Even though you don't seem to have a problem with fertility as such, I would also recommend you ask to see a reproductive endcrinologist, there might be something going on there.

As an aside, there is no evidence to conclusively suggest that bed rest achieves better outcomes for pregnancy. But lots of people in high risk pregnancies will tell you from their own experience it helps. I am on my 11th week of modified bed rest, and only 22 more to go.... it's not so bad. You will manage it if it's something you are confronted with.

When you can manage it, I would really like to hear about your journey to date. If its not something you want to share yet, or it's too difficult to tell, that's ok.

I am glad you are going to counselling. I found it worked wonders for me.

Also I agree with trying natural therapies. Personally I like accupucture and traditional chinese medicine, but there are a lot of other therapies. Just make sure you do your research and check with the acceditation body or association to make sure the therapist you go to is qualified and part of the association. They are more likely to follow best pratice guidelines, and you have some recourse for further information if needed from the association.

It's not selfish of you to want more children. Only you know when your family feels complete. As for people saying "you should be thankful for Alffie". I agree, it's an extremely insensitive comment made by people who haven't walked in your shoes and it's about their lack of understanding, not about your dreams and desires for a family. Besides, wanting another child or children doesn't mean you love or appreicate Alffie any less, so blah to the people that make insightless assumptions about you. You pursue your dream.

[dory]

I forgot to include the link....
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...formation.html