What you do when they bring 'those' kids home?

[~clover~]

DD1 has quite alot of friends. I have never, ever told her who to be friends with or who not to, & I'd like to say I never would, but that was until now...

We've had horrible weather here for a few days. Non stop rain & freezing cold. Yesterday my girls spotted 2 girls out side, wandering around they know from school. One is about 8, & the other about 10. Both were dripping wet & wearing short shorts & singlet tops when the temp was only about 15. Colder when wet!
So the girls get excited & run out to say hi. I didn't think much of it. They stood out the front for a bit, then the girls asked if they could come in for a look. They wandered through & looked in every room in the house. My bedroom included! Then went back out the front again to talk. DD started asking to go to their house, but I've heard a bit about them & was less than keen. So my answer was no, its raining & you kids aren't allowed to walk around in the rain. I then asked the kids if their mother knew where they were. Apperently not really. They were meant to pick someone off the bus from school (about 3 blocks away), but decided to go wandering instead.

I was on the phone to a friend when they showed up, & I'd heard a bit, but this friend is their mothers cousin & said instantly not to let them in & to watch myself.
Apparently she'd stopped them visiting her & they are family. They show up constantly, ask for food coz mum is often too drunk to bother feeding them, then when they leave things were disappearing with them! She had already started telling them to show her their hands & empty their pockets as they were leaving when she decided they couldn't come back coz she was so over it.

I let the girls talk to them out the front for a bit & they wandered down to the bottom of the driveway. Heard them playing, but just told them to stop yelling. Didn't think to see what game they were playing
Well on the way down the street just after DD2 pipes up & says... 'guess what mum! We were playing this game & its where you wait til a car comes, then run across the road in front of it' I was shocked! I got home & absolutely went off my narna at DD1 til she promised her & DD2 hadn't done it!

Then this arvo...the bus stops to drop the girls off & guess what? 3 extra children get off with them! The same girls & their brother! Oh yay!
They asked if DD1 could go down to their house. But unfortunately she's grounded after their little game yesterday.

I don't know what to do. I don't want DD at their house. They are in a holiday house (not sure how) & can't rent anywhere due to their ticka record. They were living in their car up til they got a private rental a few months ago. I have no idea whats the go with the holiday house. They're supposed to only be in there for a week
The mother is apparently rarely sober, they obviously have a head lice problem, since both girls had undercuts. After clearing my girls (again) of nits & being very careful combing every day over the last week I find about 10 in DD1's hair tonight. Then find out she usually sits between these 2 girls at school!

I'm not sure how to approach it or what to say. I've told DD she can play with them all she likes at school, but that she's not going to their house or having them here. I just said it was coz of the road games & mentioned that things go missing with them around (reminding her how much she likes her DSi). I'm not sure if that was right or not, but I didn't know what else to do!

What would you do/have you done? DD can't be grounded forever....can she?

[Party-of-five]

its so hard isnt it
i think you said the right things to DD you told her the truth, my DS made a friend with a kid that sounds similar to your DD's friends and after i ment his friends mum and she told me about the limited to no supervision she gives her kids(10 and 11) because they are old enough to look after themselves I just explained my reason to DS that he wouldnt be going to their house for play he understood.

[Lulu]

I think it depends. Have you got time to check it out yourself, maybe walk the girls back to their place and suss things out?
It would at least being easier if you could see with your own eyes? If you are happy with what the mums cousin has said (re stealing etc), maybe you need to be truthful with these kids and say I heard you can't play at xxx's house because you took things -is that true? If you do that here you will not be allowed to come back.

I had a rule that playing with kids at my house after school had to be arranged prior, not that day. Mainly cos I was working and my house was a total mess all the time and I couldn't bear the parents coming to pick up the kids and see it!

It's a really hard one - I've often been at the end of parents that can't be arsed with their own children - 3 times over the years I have come home to find small children in my house or backyard playing happily. 3 times I kept an eye on them or played with them to see how long it took for the parents to come looking and it was usually over an hour later.......no they weren't frantically looking for them btw because each time I could see their houses from where they lived.

[~clover~]

Yeah, we have a little girl around the corner who's 6 or 7 & basically just runs around to friends houses all the time. Her mother never comes to find her, I always end up sending her home. It used to be as it was getting dark, now its about 5pm. The nights she would show up at 5.30/6pm to play really bugged me though! She is home alone with a 12 year old brother til her mother gets home around 5. Her older sister is my sister's friend & she left at 16 to live with her father coz she couldn't handle being the responsible one anymore.

I have seen this family around alot, & I did see the way they looked at our house. Like they were in awe (even though it is a mess!) Then I looked their mum up on fb (a bit of creepy stalking I know ) & in the only photo in their house they have plastic chairs around their TV & beer boxes & mess everywhere. With 5 kids from 13 to 1, you'd think they'd have tried to at least have some furniture by now It is a bit decieving.
I do understand its not the kids fault, but if they are going to put my kids in danger by getting them to play games like that, then I will not have it. Especially when my DD1 is very impressionable. I have no worries about DD2, she stands her ground about what she does & doesn't want to do, but DD1 seems to be the type to go along with the crowd. To want to be liked iykwim. While the kids may very well grow up to be good kids, they aren't off to a good start & I don't want my girls being led down the wrong path this early.

I have made it clear that DD can be friends with them all she likes at school & she can have them at b'day parties etc, but I don't want them here or her there. At least not at this age.