I know I am doing the right thing BUT

[Lily Dust]

I guess Im after a bit of support on this as usually I just 'suck it up' and move on but after a really sad weekend I was in tears about this and now Im just frikin furious! I know Im doing right but how do I combat stataments on something that is not even remotely someone elses business?!?!

We had 'friends' over on Saturday, I am trying very hard with these people as DH likes them very much but Im not big on spending every waking moment with 'friends' iykwim. Anyway they chose to FF their child, never gave colostrum and he went straight to formula, their choice, whatever, I really dont care. But over the last 8 months I have had the irregular comment like....their DS is on formula, 'none of that watery BM for him' and the usual 'theres nothing worng with him' statements. But on Saturday she turned to me and said 'are you starting to wean' and when I said 'not yet'.....I got THE look (you know what Im talking about) and the 'OMG you are still feeding her' statement , I was gutted. I have never fed in front of these people and have never bitten at their constant statements about BF being inferior to FF but the look just really did me this time iykwim. Im probably being a bit precious at the moment but wanted to share the usual battle that we are up against.

thanks for reading, especially is you got this far as Im sure you can hear the whoa is me violin playing in the background

[skybie]

oh hun! stuff em i say!
Arm yourself with breast feeding facts for next time they start up.
PPL like that just dont get it no matter how much u tell them. good on u for not biting back to their comments about FF being better.
i know i'd much rather bring my baby to bed at night and whack out a boob then spent 5-10 mins making up a bottle and then sitting up to feed it to them!
You know what ur doing is the best thing and in actual fact u should consider urself a very lucky woman for getting missy J so far on ur wonderfull "watery" breast milk.

Love and hugs xxx

[onthefly]

You're right, it's none of their business. Comments like that are all about them and nothing about you.
In a way, though, it's not surprising that many people feel this way. This is the world we live in - formula is seen as the norm and breastfeeding is unusual.

But you konw what, regardless of what aspect of parenting is under the microscope, there will always be someone to poo poo the way you do things. Some people just can't help themselves. I reckon the best way to combat it is to just go on trusting yourself and doing what you know is best for your family.

No need for violins Look to your daughter - you know you're doing right by her and that's all that matters

[Arimeh]

You know what - I'm so surprised at the amount of reactions people get in regard to feeding their baby. Seriously, nobody has ever said anything to me about the way I feed my babies, I rarely get asked and while I would be honest and say that I formula feed, my first question to them would be - why are you concerned about what my baby is drinking? HOW is it any business of yours? Is this YOUR child or mine?

So perhaps you could ask her some of those questions, before even answering her - because quite frankly, its nobody elses business how you feed your bub, and nobody should ever get asked. I'm just amazed at the amount of people out there that seem to think its ok to ask these things!!!

[Miss.September]

I've found that people I know who formula fed from day dot always try to push the point across about how good it is. They want to tell you straight away and always get it into the conversation somehow. I just figure that they're doing this because they're unsure that they've done the right thing. I wouldn't say anything about B/F DD unless asked, or if someone asked me if I wanted an alcoholic drink, and I find that is pretty much the same with other mums.

It is a personal choice, and sometimes the baby's choice and nobody else has the right to say otherwise. Don't worry about them.

Corelly x

[Arimeh]

I've found that people I know who formula fed from day dot always try to push the point across about how good it is.

Not everybody

[Astrid]

It is tough when it happens. First time around I encountered a lot of it from MIL and one particular Mothers group mum. For some stupid reason it was seen bad form to comment on FF, but ok for her to "OMG your still feeding" when she felt like it
.
These days I just don't take it, but then I have been fortunate enough this time around to be surrounded by breastfeeders and supporters. Well there is MIL, but she is for a whole different thread.

Maybe next time they come around, maybe start off a general conversation on the ignorance of some people who make others feel bad for their own choices. Either that or confront them with a "why does it matter how I feed my child? I don't hassle you on what you do?"

Big :hugs: this kind of thing can really suck, but you are doing the right thing for your family.

[Arcadia]

it sounds really tough. Can you tell dh these people make you feel undermined as a parent? So hopefully you can be excused from seeing them so much. Seriously, no one needs to be told they are doing the wrong thing- do you know your local ABA group? They can work wonders at restoring your faith in breastfeeding!!

It shouldn't matter how you feed, but it obviously does to this woman so I would keep away from her.

[boomba]

Oh hun ...just try to ignore it and continue to feed youre precious baby how you like.
We as mums get critisized for everymove we make! Just be strong in yourself and be proud of how you are raisng your child xx

[Olive]

darl i know that look too

[nickle730]

Lily Dust, maybe you need to be direct with this woman? Something along the lines of "I know that you FF your baby and I absolutely respect your decision to do so. I choose to BF my DD and I ask that you respect MY decision." Perhaps by being direct you will be able to have an honest and open discussion rather than putting up with her snide comments!

It's interesting, I read around BB about many mum's feeling judged for BF their babies, particularly for how long they BF and how they go about feeding in public. I had to FF my babies and I often felt judged for FF them - I had plenty of people (friends and strangers) tell me that 'breast is best' and the result was that I felt guilty for not being able to provide that. Perhaps this journey would be easier for all of us if we could all offer our support and encouragement instead of judgement!

Sounds like you are doing a fabulous job with your DD, Lily Dust, and you shouldn't have to put up with 'friends' making you feel judged!

[Miss.September]

Not everybody

Arimeh - wasn't having a dig. Sorry if it came across that way. Was talking about the people I know IRL. FWIW, I was a FF baby and I rekon I'm fine!!!!!!!

I feel really bad. Came out all wrong. Sorry hon. The reason behind me saying that is the people that I know who didn't b/f at all, it's always one of the first things that comes up in conversation, about how it doesn't harm kids, and b/f isn't all it's cracked up to be and they don't know why I bother and "just chuck her on the bottle". DD was b/f and we f/f as a top up at night too, up until a couple of weeks ago when I weaned her. I know the heartbreak that my mum went through in not being able to b/f my brother and I, so I would never (deliberatly) bag anyone who has chosen to f/f exclusively.



Corelly x

[Fleur]

Big hugs I know that you know you're doing the best thing for her, but ignorant people like that can get to you.

Maybe next time they come around, maybe start off a general conversation on the ignorance of some people who make others feel bad for their own choices. Either that or confront them with a "why does it matter how I feed my child? I don't hassle you on what you do?"

I would do exactly that.
Good luck hun & try to just let it roll off you, like Marcellus said it's about them, not you

[kelebek]

I agree with the others and you already know it is none of thier business and quite frankly if they feed thier LO a bottle of formula then you should be able to feed your LO in front of them too... ok off that soap box

You have nothing to suck up, my comebacks to comments like this are

'I am too much of a cheapskate and don't want to pay for something I can produce for free'
'I am too lazy to deal with bottles'
'WHO recommends BREASTfeeding until they are 2 and the world average is 4' I really like this world average cause it allows me to bring up points like if the average is 4 and there are lot's of people only breastfeed for a few months that must mean there are children over 4 still breastfeeding

I could go on but I think you get the picture

Congragulations on still feeding your LO this long and hope to read that you continue to do so for as long as you want

[aussienic]

I would just turn around and proudly say YEs I am STILL feeding her, why don't you feed your child after 8 months??

[Manhattan]

Big hugs sweetie Yes you are doing the right thing, and no you shouldnt have to suck this up. I agree with Nickle, that we should all support eachother. I dont know how you restrained yourself from having a go at her. If someone said that to me in my own house, I would have gone right off!

I find it sad that we have to justify what comes naturally

More hugs hun You are doing a great job x

[Kazmar]

Sounds like she's insecure about her decession. You know how important BM is and for them to say "watery BM" shows how uneducated they are on feeding children

*NOT SAYING ALL THAT FF ARE UNEDUCATED*

But comments like that show that they know NOTHING about BF If you're proud of feeding dont be affraid of boasting about it, that lady doesn't seem to fussed about boasting about FF. IMO its nothing to boast about and her doing that tells me she's not comfortable in her choice

[Lily Dust]

Awwww gee thanks so much to all of you . Reading all of your supportive and helpful posts have really made me see, this is from a problem this chick has, its not my problem. I am proud to be still BF after so long, as like many, we have had more than our fair share of hurdles in the journey. I am armed with an array of BF facts but have been biting my tongue for quite sometime (completely unlike me) so from here on in Im going in guns ablazin! I do need to get in touch with my ABA, Im a little shy so have a bit trouble with things like that but I am working on calling the local lady. I guess all that 'watery BM' is doing wonders she is becoming one chunky little puddin'

Thank you all again for all of your support, I know Im not alone when so many people take the time to care xxx