I'm happy to keep breastfeeding, but how do I deal with....
...the constant DEMANDING for feeds? Particularly in public situations?
I'm starting to get really annoyed with ds2 demanding feeds from me, when they are not necessary.
This morning I breastfed him, gave him breakfast and a drink, then went out for the morning. While I'm trying to have a conversation with people, he is constantly at me, in my face, whinging, tapping on my breast and demanding to be fed. as i have said, he had just had a breastfeed before we left home so he definitely did not need it.
i can cope with still feeding him overnight. i don't mind giving him a long feed before bed and in the morning, but honestly, i can't stand the constant begging and demanding when i'm trying to do other things. it's starting to really upset me. i ended up having to leave where i was and come home because he was just at me so much that i couldn't enjoy myself. i'm tired of pulling my boob out and him having 2 sucks and then not really wanting it, then going off and doing something, than coming back a minute and a half later and demanding it again. how do i deal with this?
Maybe always have a cup of water or even milk with you to offer instead?
My DS went through the same. A few months later though, he had better things to do than have a feed when we were out & about, unless he was really tired & grumpy.
He was too busy checking everything out to worry about boob! Hopefully your DS will get past it soon... though a friends DS at nearly 2 still does it... Mostly at home though, lol.
DD is demanding too, but im at that point that i just refuse to feed her all the time, i try and stick with what im happy to offer and that is after brekky, before day sleep, around 3.30 then before bed, she asks for it all the time still but is getting used to me refusing. i find distraction the best thing... we go and do something else instead...
thanks clover
i always have a bottle of water and a bottle of milk with me. when i give it to him he hurls it at me with full force and then arches his back and has a full tantrum on my lap. he's doing my head in
The only thing I can think of is distraction.
Is it a recent thing or ongoing? Maybe he's going through a clingy, need-to-reconnect-with-mum (constantly) stage...?
it's really getting me down. tbh, i'm finding it quite embarassing when i'm in a group of people.
he's always been clingy and whingy. i guess it's just becoming more directed at my breasts than just at me as a person itms? like he's always been one to follow me around and hang on to my legs and want me to hold him all the time, but now it's becoming quite aggressive with him headbutting my breasts and tapping on them while i'm trying to have a conversation. i feel like i can't even have a life anymore, i am just a cow.
We've had times like this too Ginger - it is very overwhelming. DS has largely grown out of it now.
I suspect his more aggressive attitude may be a response to your desire to pull away. Will he settle for cuddles/kisses/songs/stories or something else? I found DS often just needed a quick recharge. If I droped what I was doing, sat with him and read a story or somethign, he was happy to go off and do his own thing for a bit.
I do completely understand your need for space And I agree, it's not really about milk, it's just the way his need for mummy is expressed at the moment.
Sorry I don't really have any helpful advice. DS was anxious and clingy, but it didn't manifest in this way. I hope he eases up on you soon
It doesn't matter whether you are breastfeeding or not - but for a while at least you will have to put up with *this* or something like it. For you, now it is the breast. But it's not really about breastfeeding. Children who aren't breastfeeding want...a drink....food....their bottle...dummy...the other child's toy...a biscuit....And when they can't have it, there's a fair chance that a tantrum will ensue. It's what they do.
There are a few stratefies that work. Make sure they are fed and watered. When their blood sugars get low they snap easily (and so do we - so make sure you eat and drink well) And distract, distract, distract. Always have something else up your sleeve. A drink, a toy that they don't have access to much (so it's special) You can talk to them and explain they can't have breast when they are out. It will work to a point. You can pain a confident smile on your face and feed them. You are doing something good for them, you are educating the community and you are buying yourself some peace and quiet for a chat with a friend. Tell him you don't like what he's doing (how will they know if you never tell them - all they see is you are getting narky for no reason) Harden up to tantrums - it goes with the territory of toddlerhood.
And....honestly....for clinging read "well adjusted" *Demanding* will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life. In school he will be in the front row with his hand up asking "why?" He won't be fobbed off or put down. I know. I have one of my own....
Actually Ginger I did think of something - how much quality me time do you get? Taking some time out to recharge yourself would probably help.
It's hard to do sometimes, and I haven't been good at doing it for myself in the past, but it sounds like you need it
i don't get much quality time out to myself. dh works really hard- long hours and hard work so that i can be a SAHM. This is a decision we made- we want our kids to both be at home until they start kinder/school. we only have one grandparent around and he is helpful- but 70 years old. he does his best to help us out.
i don't mind pulling my boob out in public if he really needs a feed. i've been feeding my 2 boys for a total of 30 months now, so have no problem with public feeding. it's just when he doesn't really want it anyway that i get annoyed. it's like 'why ask for it, or should i say demand it, when you don't really want it?' iykwim? i feel like he just leaves me hanging there with my boob out constantly. this is a bit embarassing in front of new people. old friends i have no problem with, but i feel i should be able to go and meet with people for one hour without being constantly attacked by him. i set him up with playdough, paper and textas, even a train set, but he is still at me.
sorry for this woe is me post. i guess i'm just using this as a kind of vent because i know if i mention this to anyone IRL they will tell me to wean him. of course, this is not the answer i'm looking for.
i guess i just want to know i'm not the only one and that things will get better.
barb- thank you for your spin on well adjusted/demanding. i know you're right but it's hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes. i hope i am setting him up well to be in the front of the class being heard.
Definitely not alone I think my daughter is a similar age (15 months?) and we are going through the constant demands, on and off, 2 sucks here, 3 sucks there all day phase thing too.
Yeah, it's really hard when you are living through it - It's so much easier to cope when they are 17 and you know where the story ends. I maintain that as a mother you always have the right to vent to your friends. That's what good friends understand - that partners often don't. You don't really want to change it - but just some understanding that it's tough going at the time.
I doubt I can help as I have no advice or expertise on this but...
Do you think it could be that he's a bit jealous of the person your talking to and trying to get some attention? big 's it sounds so frustrating!
I started asking - do you want a drink or do you just want to say hello? Most of the time it would be show him my bra, he'd give it a pat, say bye-bye and go off and do his the next thing.
Good luck!
He sounds like a normal toddler to me DD can get a bit like that some days and will be on and off and sometimes I don't mind, but other times if I'm trying to do something yeah it can get a bit too much for me. I find distraction is the key too!!!!
At home, I know that if I sit down DD will come over, climb up onto my lap and say "booby" and demand it from me and I'll say "what about just a cuddle??" but DD will say "nup, booby" and if she isn't having a good drink and keeps coming off and on then I'll put her down and say "cmon lets go and read a book together!!" and shes' usually happy to do that!! It's her way of saying she wants more time spent with me too.
Ginger, i just wanted to say i have met you IRL i know it was only once but in that short time i was very aware of what a fantastic mum you are and how awesome your boys are. U cherish them and give them everything they could need for the best start in life!!!!
I agree you probably need some time off which i know is very hard to get! Wish i could fix it for u but i am too far away
My DD2, nearly same age as yours is going through a very similar phase as your little man! I too am more than happy to feed wherever but i dont like when she comes on and off and leaves my nipple just hanging around for all the world to see. I can tell that she doesn't really need a feed she is just looking to reconnect with me. I dont have any solutions i truely wish i did because i can tell this is really frustrating you i hope it is just a phase and he grows out of it really soon. As u already said weaning is not the answer. Try to hang in there!!
Ginger, Missy E went through a stage like this around the same age, I found it very difficult, and I'm embarrassed to admit it's one of the things that precipitated her weaning at 16 mths...like you I hoped to feed her much longer...I went through a lot of sadness at having weaned her, and the only thing that made it bearable was the relief that I weaned her before my diagnosis and not because of it. But there will always be some regret there, I don't want you to find yourself in a postion where you wean prematurely and then regret it. Sorry not advice but just wanted to share my experience that weaning at this stage isn't the best thing (despite what your IRL friends might say)...if you can pass through this I think you will be glad you persevered.
PS I think the ABA has a booklet regarding some of the challenges of extended breastfeeding, might be worth a look as they're always good for practical strategies.
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I'm happy to keep breastfeeding, but how do I deal with....
darl i know how you feel!
and I'll say "what about just a cuddle??" but DD will say "nup, booby"
and if she isn't having a good drink and keeps coming off and on then I'll put her down and say "cmon lets go and read a book together!!" and shes' usually happy to do that!! It's her way of saying she wants more time spent with me too.
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