[[COLOR="rgb(153, 50, 204)"]Hi, I am 20 years old and when i had just turned 19 I fell pregnant with my first baby and first bf. After the first 3 months everything was fine with the pregnancy. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks. I was told by the doctor it couldn't have been prevented. But he also said it was most likely caused by all the stress I was under. my parents were trying to get me to have an abortion (which I am totally against) my bf was pressuring me to move in with him, even though we didn't have anywhere to go, or any money, his parents were trying to tell me what i had to do, I just had people trying to put their opinions onto me and I couldn't take most of it considering everyone I loved was telling me something different and confusing the hell about of me. I knew in a way we weren't in any good position to raise a child, but it was my child and I had to try. After the miscarriage I felt like I was alone, my bf got so violent I had to leave him, my parents had the "I told you so" attitude and said it was a message from god to say it wasn't the right thing for me to do. None of my friends could help because I hadn't really told them for fear they would outcast me as one of those silly teens that get pregnant and don't take precautions or whatever (my friends were really mean shallow people and I don't see them anymore) Right now it's been nearly a year since the miscarriage and this is the first time I've spoken about it. My new bf of nearly 9 months wants to help me through it, and I'm glad he is. But i miss my baby even though I never got to hold it, kiss it, say i love you, or watch it grow up. I feel it's my fault that I didn't do my job as an expecting mother to protect my baby, and I'm still angry at everyone for doubting the fact that I would be able to care for and provide for my baby when it was born.
How do you get over this stuff, and when does it stop hurting so much??? Where did you all get your support??[/COLOR][/COLOR]
kandy no one should have to had gone though what you did at such a young age. (not putting you down). I wish i could give you more advise about when the pain stops. I got my support from this message board. I hunting and and found this place back in april when i had my m/c. The people here are great and very supportive. i just want to send you long distance hugs.
I have no experience with an m/c myself but i couldn't read without replying... a massive for you.
It's horrible when a family can't be supportive and try and help you through what is a very difficult time in anyone's life.
I am so glad you have found someone that is willing to help you through this and be understanding of your feelings, i am sure the wonderful people here on BB will have some more reassuring words and advice.
Please take it easy and try not to blame yourself!
So very sorry for your loss . The pain never really goes away but it eases as we learn to deal with our grief. You will find so much support here and thank you for sharing your story with us.
Hi Kandy and welcome to BB. I'm so sorry to hear your precious little bubba grew their angel wings
I just want to let you know that the M/C is not your fault and didn't happen because you did anything wrong. I'm so sorry that you haven't had the support and understanding that you deserve.
Even though you never got to hold your bub or tell him/her you loved them I'm sure they still know that you do. The pain doesn't ever go away but with time it does hurt a little less. I have suffered 5 m/c's and I seriously don't know where I'd be without all the beautiful supportive ladies and men from BB.
I'm pleased your current BF is supportive and is wanting to help you through this very difficult and sad time. Please be gentle on yourself
Kandy - I am so proud of you for having the courage to open up about your miscarriage...that took a lot of courage. I am so sorry for your heartache and the difficult road you've walked in the past 12 months. It's ok and normal to miss your baby, it's ok and normal to feel sad,confused, that life isn't fair and I completely understand why you feel angry that those you hoped to get support from were not able to give it to you when you needed it. But it sounds like you've made some really positive steps - not seeing your old friends anymore, a new and supportive boyf, leaving the old boyf for unacceptable behaviour and reaching out here on BB. You are so much stronger and resilient that you realise. You honour your baby in everything that you've done to assert yourself and make a better life for yourself.
I've had 4 pregnancy losses, all at different stages, but two about 20 weeks. I don't think multiple loss is any "harder" in terms of the grieving and heartache. There are more angels to mourn but the heartache is just the same, well for me. My supports were initially my husband, my obstetrician, my cats. I didn't really let anyone else in initially. Over time I let a couple of close friends in, and in even more time, more friends and family. I tried going to a SANDS group meeting, but it wasn't for me. I eventually found my say to BB which has been and continues to be a lifeline for me. I tried a couple of counselors, but they weren't the right fit. I tried a new counselor after my 4th loss and she is just pure gold. I doubt I would have made it through without her. I expect to see her intermittently for many years to come, when I feel the need. Grief is a lifelong journey, or at least that's how I see it. It won't always be as much hard work and as intense as it is now, but I expect there to be times of grief for the rest of my years. Some women I know have found SIDS and KIDS meetings really helpful.
The best start though, is to do what you've done already AND to keep coming back here to BB. Even though it feels like it at times, remember you are not alone. You have joined a wonderfully caring and loving community of women ( well mostly, there are a few blokes around in here) who even if they have not suffered loss, are caring and compassionate. Take care and go gently.
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