I dont know if its depression or hormones or a normal reaction to everything, but i think i need to talk to someone, i dont know who though, maybe my GP?
Bub's diagnosis is taking me over, its all i can think about, im struggling to do the bare basics like washing and cooking, i cry all the time and im lashing out at ppl who dont deserve it.
I had my FB status after todays hosp app along the lines of feeling like a number and not feeling safe and comfortable with the hospital im birthing in. my mum saw it and had a go at me about putting the hospital down because they'd been so fantastic so far ect.
Yes the FDU department and the surgeons have been fantastic, that one meeting i had with them i did feel comfortable with all of them and every effort was made to make sure i was ok.
its my usual appointments i struggle with, i have to take the girls with me and today we waited 2 hours to be seen so needless to say the girls were rather feral by the time we were seen to, DD2 just cried the whole app and DD1 kept interupting, i was short tempered and over it, the OB i saw (different one every app) barely spoke a word of english i had to tell her about bub TOF and she didnt answer any of my questions in regards to what will happen once bub is born.
anywho, i fully lost it at mum, told her not to attack me when im feeling so fragile told her to go eff herself, hung up the phone and drowned in a pool of tears till DF came home from work and calmed me down.
i dont want to be pregnant anymore i want him out now, i want to move forward with everything and i feel like im stuck and just cant move past things.
i dont know what the point of this is...just a vent i guess
thanks for reading
hun... hope your ok.
Deep Breaths.. can you maybe explain to the hosp that you understand they are busy and you can't always see the same person but your feeling quite anxious about everything and you would like the chance to see the same person every time, explain you have to bring other children to the appts and is there any way around a 2hr wait
'm sure your mum understands and wont be angry at you...
You're grieving your normal pregnancy, you're grieving your idea of what it was all going to be like. Add to that the frustration of non-consistent care, well, it's a wonder you get anything done at all!
I recommend Kelle Hampton's blog to everyone, for everything. Not sure if you've read it, but in January this year, Kelle gave birth to her second daughter, Nella Cordelia. Only, Nella has Downs Syndrome, and Kelle and Brett didn't know beforehand. Her story, how she took one look at her new daughter and wanted to run from the room, and then how she slowly came around to 'that magical extra chromosome', is heart wrenching and raw. Read it if you haven't already, it's beautiful and I think it will help
Oh sweetie it's a completely normal reaction, you're pregnant, caring for two children and trying to get answers for bub's condition and arrival with inconsistent care
I would be speaking to someone to see if you can get one ob to oversee your pregnancy given the circumstances
Vent away hun, we're here for you
Completely normal hun - what you are dealing with is huge and your emotions will be affected with it all. I have no advice other than to give you some big juicy virtual and I would ask someone you do trust at the hospital if there is someone you can talk to and get it all out before and after the birth xoxo
I wondered when this would happen. I couldn't believe how "together" you have been all the way through - I'd have melted down long ago.
Give yourself some credit for how well you are actually doing. Completely OK to want to hide away, or run away from it all. This little guy's got an amazing mummy.
Thanks everyone, i really appreciate it, so glad to know that its normal and theres n othing wrong with feeling this way.
Keikie i reguraly read Kellie's blog, shes such an amaing woman!
Im usually a very together person and can see through the negatives in things fairly easily, but im really struggling with this. i know alot of the questions i want answered cant be answered until he's here but at the same time i'd like to hear the 'we cant be sure' with confindence IYKWIM not mumbling, looking through my file and saying it to the desk and not saying it to my face.
Normally i'd invision all the wonderful things that would happen, having a gooey warm body on my belly, our first bf, the excitment of bringing a new little person home, but atm i cant do that because i dont know if any of it is going to happen. yes i can look forward to having a son but i dnt know i guess i wont feel like he's mine til lhe's home
Oh hon!! I saw your post on FB and you were obviously so upset (and understandably so) I can't believe your mum would be so insensitive
It sounds like there are good people you can talk to at the hospital and you just had a bad day, as PPs have suggested is there someone you can call and explain how upset you were that the OB didn't speak English/ Didn't know about Bimby's situation and couldn't provide you with the information and tour of the NICU you were hoping for to calm your completely natural fears? Hoping they can provide you with the support and information you need at this very difficult time
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Is it normal to feel this way?
And your mum is being very insensitive
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