Thought I would have a little vent. So to cut a dramatic and lonnngggg story short my parents and my hubby have not got on for the entire time we have been married. Now this has been a constant battle and so uncomfortable.
My mother is a bit of a cow, actually I have issues with her besides her honestly hating my hubby so yes fair to say but the truth will set you free right?
My mum pretty much has nothing really to do with me anymore and it hurts and is so hard. I am 24 years old and I miss a mum that dosen't exist. Now that my hubby and I are TTC, it has hit me closer to home and I even tried to reach out to her recently without any success.
It makes me sad because I can't even tell her that we are trying because she honestly made it clear that she dosen't want me to have children with the man I love cos she disapproves....(No reason either...trust me) and all she ever talks about is my brother and his new wife having a baby and how happy she is when they do it.
It really hurts and she knows this as I have told her how I feel. So as I typed before my hubby thinks my mother is the devil and has said there is no way he wants her near our kids. Very complicated indeed. It's strange though, even though she has hurt me then more words can say, I still love her and miss her. Weird huh?
I just pray that I will be a better mummy then her and not ever give my kids the issues she has put on me over the years. I know lots of other ladies out there haven't got mothers or mother figures in their lives for certain reasons but I just hope that I can fill in that painful void and be the loving mum I always dreamed off.
Your Mum seems to have had a hard time getting over you marrying young? You would have just been 18 right? & Dh about 23/4?
She probably disapproves because she thinks you were (possibly still) too young to get married. But man, its been 7 years you would think she would realise all she is doing my not getting over it is pushing you away.
I would just distance yourself & get on with your life. Don't worry about trying to get her approval. You have your own family now & as much as she might not like it, its obviously working.
It sounds like a really tough situation. The way I see things is, DH and I are our family now, and obviously DD has come along too - it's the three of us. And while it's lovely to have extended family, you don't really NEED them in your wee circle of trust. It's easy for me to say that though, as DH and I live all the way round the world from our families - so that might not be the case for everyone.
I can honestly say I know how your husband feels, I've been with my husband for 10 years and I can't stand his parents and they dislike me and our children all for no reason at all.
It's really hard on my husband, he's sick of their crap to but he feels he has to "play nice" when they can be bothered contacting him, I really wish he would tell them to bugger off!
It's an awful situation for anyone to be in and I'm sorry you have to deal with it
I can also understand the not being able to tell your mother about TTC, my mum hates the idea of me having more but thats just tough, I've found it easier not to tell her then be disappointed by her reaction.
It's funny cos my hubby is constantly praying they will move to Japan or some place like woop woop.lol. as distance may be the answer. Maybe thats exactly what will make it all better. But you girls are right, make your own little family and protect it with all your hearts. When I meet lovely friends they become my family too so at least you can chose your family in a way that are positive influences in your lives.
I was 18 when I got married and mum freaked out but as Efjay said....It's been 7 years!!!Ahhhh.
I agree with the PP, Get on with your life. Prove her wrong. Prove to her, by getting on with your life, that this is the best thing for you :-) It's been 7years, And i hope another 50 :-)
Take care of you, DH, and your children, she might come around one day, and if she doesn't remember it's her lost, not yours!
Aye, I hear you. Only DH knows he's my knight in shining armour because he rescued pretty princess me from an evil dragon.
If you know your husband is right, you are starting on a very nasty journey, which may well get worse when you do fall pregnant. Because her behaviour is just her right now - about her, being her, just her. But with a child - how on earth does any mother do that to her own child? How can a mother set out to deliberately hurt her daughter? Why would she say these things when you ask her to stop?
And it hurts. Cut her out now and mourn for the relationship you never had. Trust me. I'm wishing I stuck to my guns years ago and didn't agree to have a "relationship" again. I am stongly considering having a big argument a while after my sister's wedding next year and having done with her - I have promised my sister I'll help manage her on the day so she can enjoy herself.
I had my mother out of my life for a few years. It does hurt, and you are quite right it doesn't change the wanting of a mother in your life. I hope she comes around to things and can be there for you
i did the same.. cut my mother out for a long time..
it does hurt, and its severlely dissapointing when they dont try to fix things once theyre cut out.. i hated having to be the one to "make up" after all that time even though i still feel to this day she shouldve been on her knees begging for me to have her back in my life..
i guess in a way.. You have to have a a self realisation before you can learn to have her in your life and not let it affect you. Try to understand that if she is not bending for you or meeting you half way (especially when the problems are CAUSED by her) its because you are the bigger and better person of the two.. She may have years on you but you have the maturity.
Also to realise that beyond your parents judgement you are free to live your own life, and trust your own thoughts over theirs. What they think/say doesnt have to affect you. If she offers silly advice/lectures you, smile, say "ok" then disregard it as rubbish in your own mind
If she starts an argument, stay calm, dont give her the satisfaction, get away from her and let her sort out her own complications
Most of all, dont think too much about what she thinks or says, DONT confide in her because her opinion will obviously be biast, and think of her as EXTENDED family.. Still around, but not within your inner circle
Let your husband KNOW that he comes before her but that you still want her in your life, tell him not too wry if she carries on, because she can only really upset herself, the power to upset you and him lies with you, not her.
This sort of thinking has helped me so much with my relationship with my mother, and with a clear head, I can now see her exactly as she is and why shes caused me so much pain. I used to think her opinion was so important and that she was "right" Now I know better.. I am both more intelligent then her and also have a much deeper personality. I am better to both my friends and family (including her) then she is to anyone. I am HAPPIER because Im not always trying to BE the best, I already feel I am!
When she starts on with her crap "blah blah" I mostly just respect her opinion smile and disagree (either camly saying so or just agreeing while thinking BS in my head lol) Then when she leaves she's out of sight out of mind. I see how shallow she is now and how pointless it is to let someone so simple minded affect me
Wow this has turned into quite a rant! Sorry, hope its helpfull
Reply With QuoteI'm sorry your mother is like that, hopefully she'll come round one day.
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My hubby thinks my mother is the Devil!
they will move to Japan or some place like woop woop.lol. as distance may be the answer. Maybe thats exactly what will make it all better. But you girls are right, make your own little family and protect it with all your hearts. When I meet lovely friends they become my family too so at least you can chose your family in a way that are positive influences in your lives.
but that you still want her in your life, tell him not too wry if she carries on, because she can only really upset herself, the power to upset you and him lies with you, not her.
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