Angel Baby #2

***The_Mrs.*** · January 9th, 2011, 07:26 AM

This one was a little harder as I knew little bub was fighting. With my first miscarriage at 5 wks my hcg levels were at 47 and we knew that was way too low and bub had probably passed very early on. This one was different. Let me start from the beginning:

When I took that HPT I just knew it would be negative. Instead it was positive. Most people would be excited about this but I didn't have any feelings about it. DF was not very excited and it put me in more of a negative mood. As the days grew longer DF started getting excited and I was still feeling hesitant. It was almost like I knew something bad was to happen. At 4 wks I started having vivid nightmares. I knew this had to be from the hormones and let it go. Every night until I was 5wks I had a nightmare. 5 wks hit and I started feeling happy. I started feeling like this baby was a part of me. I started to touch my belly and look up baby names. DF and I decided on two names. Freya for a girl, and Jack for a boy. 5wks 3 days I went to work. I felt very hormonal and angry. I went home that night and DF seemed to aggravate me even though I knew he didnt do anything. 5 wks 4 days I woke up and knew. I went to the bathroom and wiped to find bright red blood streaks. DF took me to the ER to be told everything was inconclusive. HCG levels were fine and ultrasound showed baby but no heartbeat as it was too early. WE went home and DF was almost certain everything would be fine. I was only spotting dark brown blood barely. 2 days went by and I went in to have my 2nd BT. This would be the deciding factor if everything was to be alright. If my levels doubed we were in the clear (for now). My 1st HCG levels were 1030 so they needed to be at least 2060....they were 1800...inconclusive. Dr. said they rose but slowly and they didnt know yet if that was good or bad. Everyone kept telling me to move on that I was fine..that baby was fine. A woman knows her own body. That night I went to the bathroom to feel my cervix...it was open. At 5 wks 6 days I miscarried. I went to the bathroom and discovered clots and tissue and tons of bright red blood. I was sad at first but than realized it was meant to be. A woman really does know...I knew this wasnt meant to be. We want a little sister or brother for Sophie and are willing to wait until it is our time.