How to stay the happy house wife?

[Ngala]

Hello everyone!

As of yesterday, I am a SAHM! I quit my part time job to help DH with his business and be there when he needs me. At the beginning, his work will be busy cause there is a lot of organising to do cause I have gotten real slack lately. But once its all sorted, things should go quite smoothly.

DD has gone from 5 days in daycare to 2 days, so I still get some time out for me and do those things that might be a little difficult with DD around.

What I am afraid of that DH wil abuse the fact that I am a SAHM and will be absolutely lazy. His help around the house is minimal he did help with DD at bed time. But now I am afraid that he will stop doing that! Hopefully he wont cause he'll be working up to 10hrs a day 7days a week and bedtime will be the time when he can spend with DD....

So anyway, how do YOU stay a happy house wife? How do you have time out from it all? Do you have time out often??

I want to be one of those women that love being a house wife. I am really looking forward to it. Looking forward to keeping things in order and spending more time with my DD and eventually spend some good quality time with DH when he doesnt need to work 7 days a week. But I am expecting the beginning to be difficult, until I get in a routine and get used to it all I guess..

[Gigi]

when i was partnered - get dh to have bonding time with baby over breakfast. so he changes and dresses baby, brings her to you if breastfed, feeds her himself if on bottles, plays with her, so you can have a little sleep and a shower in peace. This takes precision timing. Stuff like prepping his work clothes the night before, anything else he takes with him - without doing that, my X would say "i don't have time". My answer was "make time, organise yourself so you DO have time, otherwise she will have grown up and you won't know her".

it makes a better start to the day, if you have had a shower, before your dh leaves for work. it won't happen every day, somedays you'll be showered but not dressed, but it's a vast improvement on not having a shower ALL DAY.

automise what you can (to save you going on errands WITH a nb, to save dh coming home with the wrong stuff) i mean bills that can be paid online, scheduled bpays etc. ordering groceries online. Once you have your groove on, you can always reverse these things, if everything is going so well, that you want to be out doing errands, and baby is coping with that. but build a little "wriggle room" into the first part of having your nb home.

we used modern cloth nappies and the thing you get to clean the poo off them, is called a Little Squirt, it's like a highly pressurised water gun. anyway "boys and their toys", i found once X worked out how much fun it was to use that LS, he was very happy to be on nappy duty (when home). has to be done, ha ha. I only put this here, as an example of a chore i thought he would be antsy about, but he ended up being fine about.

it's great you're working this out NOW, cos trying to work it out, once your nb has arrived, i think would be much harder.
if you're stressed (by having to do it all on your own), your kids will suffer, and dh will suffer too. no one wins if the mum is at breaking point. he needs to support you (pulling weight with housework - or pay for a cleaner to do it) or go off and be a bachelor.

i think the time out bit of your question, relies on family support, social networks, and finances (and the health of you and your child).

[Yeddi]

You need a hobby. I think most SAHM struggle when their whole life revolves around their kids, husband and house and they don't have an outlet that is just for them. So pick your hobby (don't be afraid to change and expand as time passes to keep in line with your interests), create a budget, and make a date do it with yourself daily/weekly, whichever suits. I've done quilting; writing with the local writers club; paper making; bunny breeding; sustainable gardening; making my own soap; making my own butter, yogurt, cream cheese and preserves. Still on my list: do a drawing course; do a painting course; learn Krav Maga; try my hand at marbling. You get the idea...

[tanyaya]

thanks for all the awesome tips gigi! much appreciated

i think you can thrive as a SAHM if you choose to and whilst i don't miss working at all, having a busy schedule at home with my DS (mini-maestros, playdates, walking group etc etc) and enjoying part-time studies helps. what works for me is that DH chips in - today we had a cleaning bee at home and were so productive, it feels amazing.

generally, it's also important to schedule in time for you and hubby, once you can leave your bubba (even for an hour or two). It sounds like your DH has a really full-on work load, is there any way around this? 10 hour/7 day weeks can't be sustainable?

good luck defining your new role!

[Janie]

I find myself that I need a hobby, an outlet. I adore being a SAHM, and consider myself very lucky. But I couldn't just be at home with the kids all the time, I need my time too. Well, I need 'my time' and 'hobby time', it's really important to my mental health.

Sounds like you'll be pretty busy to start with, but once things settle down, if you're feeling a bit in a rut, have a look around at what might interest you. Of course, not everyone needs something, I'm sure there are mums out there who are content just doing the SAHM thang

[HotI]

If you are going to be doing some work for DHs business, schedule this in. Time outside this will be your time to organise as yourself. Then you won't feel like you are constantly under his command, or have to constantly justify your time.

For me, i don't call myself a house wife

[beansbeans!]

I just make sure I do at least one thing for myself everyday. Simple things make me happy most of the time, so for me. Its reading a chapter of my book, a workout, a facial, make one phone call to someone I havent spoken to in ages, watch an entire tv program in peace, etc.

[Ngala]

Thanks everyone!
I guess I need to get through the beginning part of organising the business and then I will see how I go with it. I think that if I am busy then I will be fine!

As for hobbies, I've already booked myself in to go to the gym 5 days a week so that will be my outlet

[Gigi]

find a hobby/exercise thing that has a creche.

i found a community health centre near me, they ran WOmen's Craft class on a morning, and they had a onsite FREE creche. that was the only thing i could access.

Other people go to a gym where there is a gym. I've heard of kid's swim schools where there is a creche, so you put ONE of your kids in the creche, so you can take the other one in their class. (for your toddler maybe).

really depends where your interests lie.

And finding places where your kids ARE welcome.
mother's group
playgroups
ABA meetings
etc

but it is good to have some adult time. i had zero family support so i had to create my own "me" time. Even if i did NO CRAFT in that two hours, just having other adults around for company, was a win for me. And i knew my child was only 10 metres away, and that the workers would come get me if needed. so i could relax about my child being safe.

takes a bit of time, sourcing what is in your locality, but worth doing.

everyone has different needs, i came to the conclusion "one outing per day" was plenty for us. anymore, it just all ended in tears. for others, four outings in one day was fine. we're all different.

and having at least one HOME day is a must for us. Otherwise, all that being out, and you come home to lots of housework. even housework needs some attention, i cna't schedule it exactly, but i now give it more respect (like it doesn't just magically get done when i'm home, cos you can come home exhausted, and just hte night time routine, and a child who doesn't want to sleep, can leave you with "oh, it's 10.30, i finally have time to do housework, and i am so stuffed, i can't". so build in some wriggle room, room to stay home, let the kids get bored, that's how their imagination grows. (i used to think i had to entertain bilby ALL the time). now i realise, she relishes the "down" time, with nothing scheduled.

ADDED
Whoa, i clearly had not read the sentence about "going to the gym 5x a week" before i did my post.