I have been having this recurring dream (long)

[blessedatlast]

So, ever since the twins died I have often dreamt of breastfeeding.. The dreams are different, but the recurring part is the fullness of my milky boobs yearning to feed a baby.. I had it again the other night.. When I have these dreams I FEEL the engorgement and when I wake I always look down at my boobs expecting to see milk pouring out.. It is so real!

The dream the other night was weird.. The twins were in Nicu, or had been, but they were still their real age they would be now (2) and I must have lost my milk supply when they were in NICU, or maybe I didn't want to breast feed, I'm really not sure. Anyway, I was focussing on re lactating, and I was pumping and hand expressing and it didn't take long to get my milk back.. I was so happy and couldn't wait to feed my babies and I woke up just as the baby was attaching..

In every dream I have woken up just as the baby was attaching and I never get the feeling of what it's like to have a baby feed.. It's always feel frustrated in my dream, getting to the part where I can feed, then wake up just as it's about to happen..

There wasn't much point to this post, I just wanted to write it. I wrote in my blog about my last dream..

I just can't wait to be a Mummy.. I'm yearning for it so badly and as always when I am having a hard time at TAFE or work, losing the twins is magnified because I think 'I shouldn't be here, I should be a SAHM to my 2y/o twin Sons '

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I'm sorry hun, it's not fair

[Babyluv]

Oh hun I'm so sorry xxx

[~Jayne~]

Oh darl, I'm so sorry. I really feel inadequate just saying sorry, but I truly am.

I dream about feeding as well. Not so much lately, but when Claudia was probably 2 - 3 years old I dreamed about feeding her often. I think it's because I have such fond memories of it. She was such a brilliant feeder. I was very lucky.

It's a great dream for you to have darl. Dreams do become reality!!!!