Jealousy or genuine reason? *Very long*

**Feijoa Mum** · March 1st, 2011, 07:07 PM

This has been really bugging me for a while now but now my sister is pregnant with her first baby these feelings are right here again.

Im prety sure its not jealousy

but I could be wrong. Here goes, it could be a long'un

.

In NZ Mum and I had a great close relationship. She was fantastic with the, then 3 boys and as she literally lived around the corner (like four houses away) she was always ringing up to have at least one of them for the night to have time with Nanny and time away from their brothers. They loved it and so did I

When DH and I hit the skids, again Mum was fantastic and was always stepping in to help out and just generally being a fantastic Mum.
DH and I decided that Australia was a great place to make a new start but I was very scared about leaving my Mum behind. She said she wouldnt be far behind us and true to her word she was here a year after us. Only one brother was here when we first moved over but pretty soon my sister and other brother moved over too!

Mum is now 15 minutes away from us and 5 from my brother and SIL so still pretty close to everyone.
Gradually over that first year of her being here I started to notice she was doing her on thing and getting out to meet new people. Fantastic! I was all for it as she is still only a young Mum (52) she loves running, works hard and loves to have a good time.
She is in a crap relationship and has been for years but its one of those cant live together cant live apart kinda thing. I have nothing against him and he is great with my kids.
We had our fourth son and although certainly not as often as we used to see each other in NZ we would still catch up maybe once a week.

Ok so thats the kind of background but heres where my problem is.

When my brother and SIL had their much longed for DD my Mum went to her birth and was at the hospital every day (5 days in all) and was then at their house all the time for the first month. SIL Mum was there too.
Mum now has their DD every Friday and I have her every Mon so she isnt in Daycare so much. She is a beautiful little girl and I love her dearly.

Now when I had my DD Mum had the boys the night before as I was being induced, she was born on the Friday morning. Dh picked the boys up after a couple of hours sleep and that afternoon they came back to meet their new sister along with my sister and my brother and SIL.
Mum rung but said she would come see us at home. I was a bit miffed but didnt think too much of it at the time. We went home on Sat morning but Mum didnt come over until Sunday afternoon. I was pretty upset by this time but chose not to say anything as I thought I was tired hormonal etc and maybe reading too much into it. She had been at the markets all Sunday morning instead of coming to meet her new granddaughter and as it was only stayed for 15 mins.

She rung again once, before DD was 8 days old and was admitted to hospital for 4 nights due to unknown high temps. Mum rung once while we were in hospital but didnt come to see her at all. She lives 20mins from the hospital so not miles away or anything. It really hurt me. I know she is our fifth baby but she is still her granddaughter and our first daughter!

In almost a year now she has had DD for a total of 2 nights and DD cries until she feels comfortable with her and Mum thinks its funny!! She doesnt know you woman!!
I havent said anything because I cant get that time back and I dont want there to be "guilt" visits now. Everytime we do go over to her house she is moaning about work, her relationship, niece is there or some other drama is happening and our relationship has changed.

Now my sister is pregnant with her first and I know I am going to feel angry and yes maybe it is jealous but how would you feel???

Sorry its so long I had to get it all out

For getting to the end

**Feijoa Mum** · March 2nd, 2011, 08:36 AM

I need Dr Phil but will take any advice from the next best thing - BB ladies

**Catherine** · March 2nd, 2011, 09:02 AM

obviously there is alot to this issue...and maybe lots of subconsious things too....

I know I feel jealous/annoyed (not sure how to label it, but sounds much like you feel) when my siblings seem to get more help from my folks. The thing is I rarely ask. I guess they figure I am coping or don't need or want input.

It would probably be fair to assume (as it seems you have) that your mum thinks you have it all sorted and as she has so many demands on her time, probably finds comfort in how well you are doing. Doesn't change how you feel, but when your sisters bub arrives there will probably be loads of focus on her. That said, I don't think this is as simple as an 'attention' thing...

YOu seem to understand your situation, and writing it out can help draw the issues out. It is OK to feel left out or neglected (again, I know they are not really the right words)...take it as a sign that you are strong and capable.