For those who have lost.....

[mummydreamer]

for those of you who have had a late loss, and then gone on to have healthy babies, how did you go about it?

i know it's only been nearly 2 weeks since i lost J, but the topic has already come up about future babies, with the hospital staff, with my parents, friends, etc....and whilst i am totally not truly ready to start even contemplating whether or not i want another baby, im just curious to know what others have done that have gone on to have more kids? J was 38 weeks when he was born, and the 2 days before he died, i actually went to an ultrasound and a midwives appt, so i don't think i could have been more closely monitored than what i was at that time, although the hospital have already told me that if i were to go back i would have to go through the 'high risk' clinic, etc....

so my question is, what did you guys do with labour, inducing, etc? from what i haveb seen, a lot of women have opted for elective c/s at 37 weeks or something.....is the normal process in this situation?

thanks everyone

[crumpet]

im so sorry for your loss

with DS we knew exactly what happened and what to do for my next pregnancy, so i was monitored closely, had my cervical stitch done and then my OB saw me weekly from 30weeks.
i had CTG monitoring every 3 days and then was induced at my request at 37w1d.

i had waited for my baby long enough and just wanted her here, next time ill probably wait and go with the flow.

dont rush into having another baby, take all the time u need to grieve and then look at ur future

[skybie]

hunny, going through the same thing re another baby

[toomanyshoes]

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss.

In '09 my SIL lost a full term baby for no apparent reason. In '10 she was pregnant again and opted to go for private care in Brisbane, at her first appointment they basically said she would need a c/s at 37wks. A few months later she moved back to Townsville and went through the public system because there aren't really any private options if you're going to have a sick baby.

They were very reluctant to give her a c/s that early and they agreed to one at 38-39wks depending on how things went. She was fine through out the pregnancy, was very nervous of course but towards the end she even considered trying to go natural. Unfortunately her DH talked her out of this and she ended up having the c/s at 39wks.

Very happy to say she now has a very healthy daughter.

She was seen by the one DR through the public hospital but didn't really go to that many more appointments or scans.

[Babyluv]

Hugs Hun, no advice but couldn't read & not post.

[mummydreamer]

hunny, going through the same thing re another baby

to you too Skybie, hope you're going okay.probably just taking it day by day, like i am? xxxx

[LionsandBears]

I havent got to the other side yet, but have been researching our options, like private or public etc. We know why our boy died and know it can happen again without anything we can do about it. We could go the "high-risk" route and have scans every other week and loads of appts but that would just stress me out. We already know we'll need more scans in the 2nd/3rd trimester, so will try to keep them a minimum earlier on (i'm not a fan of ultrasound and babies).

If we go public, we get everything for free (except our private mw) but it means hanging out in a hospital for appts. If we go private, we'll have good care and if we opt for a caesar we'll know who's doing it. either way, I'll proabaly be exposed to constant bellies which i'm not comfortable with. Most women think pregnancy=baby and i know that's not true.

I'd like to go natural, because I know I can. I'd prefer to avoid a c/s unless there's a good medical reason. However, i already know I won't be going to 40wks. Either bub will come earlier or I'll be induced. it goes against many of my beliefs but so what. i know it's likely i'll get to a point where i say, get this baby out now. Better that than me having a complete meltdown and ending up with PND/PTSD.

then next time, we get a homebirth.

[~StarBright~]

Hi mummydreamer..

Firstly for your little angel Josiah xxoo

It kind of depends what went wrong.... if like crumpet there was something that the drs knew would help, that will be done. If like alot of stillbirths and there is no known cause, there isnt alot that can be done differently. Like you say you had a scan two days before. And sometimes thats the scaryest thing, is that you just hope it doesnt happen again. You probably will be monitored closer, and being in the "high risk" catagory isnt neccessarily a bad thing when it comes to pregnancy. You will find that the drs wont take anything for "granted" (i think thats the best way to put it) often in a "normal pregnancy" they will have a bit of a "she'll be right" attitude, but in the high risk pregnancy especially after a loss, i found my drs where more accomidating to my fears, and if i was worried about something, they didnt just brush me off.

You may have more scans, or what they call CTG monitoring at the hospital (where they attach some straps to your belly to monitor bubs heart beat and your belly). Some people find the extra monitoring reassuring, other people find it more stressfull. Its up to you and how you feel!!

As for the csection, you definatley wont be "made" to have one. It is also common to be induced at around 38 weeks. Most of the women i know who have lost babies often request it, especially if they have had a late loss, as those last few weeks can be the uttmost hardest both emotionally and mentally!! Some dr's are fine with it, and some for the babies growth and healhty will encourage you to hold off to 39 or even 40 weeks. Some very brave women i know have waited for natural labour and not gone for inducement at all. And i really take my hats off to them coz they were so very brave to wait for their body to be ready and trust that it would all be ok this time!!!

Its also improtant to try to get pregnant again when "YOU and your Husband" are ready. Alot of people have different ideas of when this is, for some people they feel the need to try again right away, other people take more time to grieve for their angel bubba before going down that road again. Its up to you and when you feel its right!! xxxoo

Take care and good luck on your journey, its a tough road to walk xxoo

[mummydreamer]

thank you to everyone who's replied.....you've been very comforting actually, i feel a little bit more understanding of the process....i guess in the end though, we will see what happens and what DH and i decide.....at the moment it's still all very raw for me

for the record, he was born with the cord wrapped very tightly around his feet, which had cut circulation. it was a totally freak event, which i don't know if 'close monitoring' could have helped, it all happened so quick.....

[raffy]

I have no advice as I've only had an early loss. But I couldn't read and not give you a big squishy Im so sorry for your loss

[~StarBright~]

Thank you for sharing Josiah's story. It takes time to not feel so "raw" you will know when its the right time and when your ready, there is alot of support here on this forum to help you through the hard days!!

[KAM]

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this and as many of the other girls have already said we are here for you if/when you need us.

As one of very few (it would seem) to have a natural birth after a late loss I thought you might like to hear my story as well.

I agree with the others in say don't rush yourself no matter how much you want to, take your time to process. The first 3 weeks afterward I was so out of it that I can hardly remember it now.

On the mental side of everything I was so anxious for my pregnancies after I lost Isabel that I had regular appointments with a psychologist which helped considerable and would recommend.

The pregnancy side of thing, well after recurrent pregnancy loss I saw a FS and we came up with a plan (We don't know why we lost Isabel), I was put on medication and had a very intense monitoring plan. U/S at the doctors every 4 weeks until 30 weeks, then every 2 weeks until 36 weeks and then every week. Plus the dating, NT, 19 week, plus 3 other U/S at an imaging centre and CTG at the hospital whenever I was feeling particularly anxious. The doctor only mentioned induction as an option for me (my doctor doesn't like giving C/S unless she REALLY has to). But Kate came at 38 weeks so induction wasn't necessary, I'm glad because if I'd need to be inducted it would have been to much like Isabel's birth.

Monitoring does help but you will always be worried (or at least I was), but hopefully with monitoring and some support you can at least gain some control over your feelings.

Good Luck.