How would you handle this?

[beansbeans!]

My brother and his partner separated last week. Apparently its definately over and both (from what I've heard and seen of fb) are pretty happy with the decision.
Last year, last april, they had a baby who sadly passed away 6 weeks later.

Heres my question: I know that if their little girl was still alive, there would be custody agreements and all that stuff. It would also mean that I would have had a relationship with SIL for the rest of my life, she is afterall the mother of my niece. But considering their little girl has passed away, does that mean that the ties between us are gone now because they have broken up? What would you do? What is expected in this situation?

Its weird because I really feel like we are losing my niece all over again. Its really really weird.

TIA

[Aligater]

If you have a friendship you can still keep that going as even having children dosnt mean you will have a relationship with an old ex of your family thats happened in my DHs family and its rather strained

[Catastrophic]

Just because they have broken up, doesn't mean you have to loose your friendship win your sil. I would let your brother know that you wish to keep in contact with her, and also let her know for you this doesn't change things.



Love MN ;-)

[willow5]

Just because they have broken up, doesn't mean you have to loose your friendship win your sil. I would let your brother know that you wish to keep in contact with her, and also let her know for you this doesn't change things.

Yeah that^^

[beansbeans!]

Thanks ladies,

Thats what I would like to do, and my brother will understand.
Its just weird. I suppose in my head they have a child, and I still say Im an aunty even though she isnt with us. I think Im afraid that once SIL leaves our family, and I think she will one day, friendship or not, I will lose a tie to my niece. Does that make sense?

[Smoke Jaguar]

There is definitely added reason to remain friends
Just because people break up doesn't mean you have to go separate ways. For the person you have the original connection with it could be awkward, and that's kinda the reality they've created - they can't always have the luxury of a clean break, I mean, THEY introduced this person to your lives!
My sister is still a bit dark on me for staying friends with her ex BF. She went OS and told me to hang out with her BF to go surfing and said he was a great guitarist. So, we surfed together and then started making music together...and formed a lovely little acoustic duo that lots of people love to come and listen to...my bad? Don't think so, it's just one of those things!

[beansbeans!]

Thanks ladies.
I hope to stay friends with her. I think Im going to see how things go for the time being.

After talking with DH last night, I think I feel like them breaking up means we are losing more of our niece (carly). I kinda feel like we've already lost her once. We went to her farewell. we grieved for her. Now with brother and sil breaking up, I really feel like we are losing another piece of Carly. I feel like our niece is fading away slowly. In my mind, if they stayed together had more babies, and lived a happy life together, than Carly's memory lives on. Now I kind of feel like they are both going to go off and find new partnes, and hopefully have families. And then maybe, Carly's memory will be lessened. I have a strange mind, and I know Im being silly, and their break-up is definately not about me either.
but then I am worried that I only want to stay friends with her, so that I can try and keep my weird way of thinking happy.