My world has been turned upside down, we found out on Sat that dad has cancer. I've been typing this for ages and I'm still not even halfway through, I don't mind if you don't read it, it was only as I was typing that I've realised it's good for me to put it all out there, get things straight in my head the way they happened so I can remember them.
For anyone who knows me, please, no mention on fb. There are a lot of people who we haven't told yet.
He went out with some friends on Friday night and collapsed, hit his head, elbow and broke his thumb when he passed out. Some lovely ladies were there who were nurses, they looked after him and called the ambo. Went to hospital and they scanned his head in case of concussion or a bleed etc... from the fall. Mum was at the hossy with him on Fri night until after midnight, she called around 6am the next day to find out how he was and was told the dr needs to speak with dad and she needs to be there.
Cue the first lot of churning in my guts when I got that call from mum. The dr wanting a family member present when delivering news is never a good thing. I picked up mum and sister and off we went. The Consultant came into the room, took one look at my sister who's 29 weeks pregnant and took mum outside to tell her the news that dad has cancer. Consultant then came back into the room, my sister (who doesn't deal too well with bad news/hospitals etc...) left the room and hung out in the corridoor with mum. Sadly, I was the one who had to hold dads hand while he was told he has cancer.
More CT scans, blood tests etc... dad was getting stroppier and stroppier by the minute, the poor man has never been in a hospital before and gets the 'heebie jeebies' from them so he was struggling. At one stage I had to jump on the bed and wrestle a t-shirt off him to stop him discharging himself! I have a nice bruise on my knee for my efforts.
Anyway..... The Registrar now comes in, they have the results from the ct scan from Sat morning (Fri night was an emergency scan and not as detailed), plus they now have some blood test results and it's not good. Sister leaves the room again. Dad has cancer in his upper lobe of his right lung, in his lymph nodes, 2 tumors in his brain and it's in his adrenal gland as well. The Registrar says it's not good, a cure is extremely unlikely, all dad is concerned about is going back to work and how they're supposed to fly to Syd and QLD on Thurs night to see my Grandad (mums dad), who has just had a fall, and had skin cancers cut out of his head. The Registrar was fantastic, he told dad he's not going back to work for at least 2 weeks and to use that time to carefully think about what his priorities are and spend the time with his family.
After he leaves, I leave to give mum and dad some space, and to go find my sister who has no idea about any of this, I am the bearer of bad news for her. The rest of Saturday is a blur, at some stage dad was move to the respiratory ward later that evening.
Sunday was spent at the respiratory ward and calling family and close friends. Breaking the news to people dad has been friends with for 40years is heartbreaking, the silence on the phone after the news is delivered is heartbreaking, I kept finding myself apologising for giving them bad news.
Too many thoughts in my head, will finish this later.
Oh hunni I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, my thoughts are with you and your family and I hope it doesn't take too much too quickly out of your dad
Having a family member diagnosed is the most horrible feeling in the world. Even moreso for you as it seems to be quite advanced in your father. You will all go through the stages of grieving and they will start now, the anger, the making deals, the denial, etc.
Putting practical hat on now (you can ignore the advice, but this is what helped me & my family when it happened to us). Get in contact with the cancer council, they have some amazing counselling services avail for the family, you, your mum and your sister need to talk to somebody, to help you digest this news and then deal with it. Your father is probably in major denial at the moment, he'll be numb, not really knowing what is going on, if he can also talk to somebody, that would be wonderful (but I know how men are, they cave). The three of you need to be there for him, so my advice is to talk to somebody as soon as you can. If there is anything you've ever needed to clear the air with him, any things that need to be fixed, do them now. I made my peace with my mother before one of her surgeries, it was like a weight was lifted off my heart, I'd said what I needed to say to her, things I'd been holding off for years, it made her last 6 months that much easier. My brother hadn't done this and he didn't deal with her passing very well, I had to pretty much force him to go to counselling. If you and your mum can go in and see the consultant and discuss things with him, that is also good. The whole family will have to agree on treatment strategies, even if they are "keep him as pain-free as possible until the end". Then there are the practicalities, his will (is it up-to-date), enduring power of attorney (this is essential, somebody needs to be able to make decisions/access information etc, my brother had this and this was essential after the passing of our mother as he was able to access accounts etc to finalise things), things like funeral arrangements. I knew when my mother was close to the end, so had her priest in to help her work out her service.
It is a sucky time, but you will discover strengths you never thought you had, and when he passes, you will feel guilty because you are glad he is no-longer in pain and no-longer suffering, continue with the counselling.
Oh Doodlebug - I'm so very sorry to hear the news of your Dad's illness. Please don't all fall apart!! Now is the time that your dad needs your family all close together & you need to all work through this together. Now more than ever. You sound like such a close-knit family and I applaud your strength for what you did by your Dad's side over the weekend.
I have your family & your Dad especially in my thoughts.
xx
Reply With Quotedarl what a tough time for you and your family xx
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My family is falling apart - long.
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