What do to… he’s left it in my hands if he gets offered the job…

[Danielle_NZ]

What do to… he’s left it in my hands if he gets offered the job…

My hubby has been rang twice in less than 24 hours by a recruitment company wanting to put him forward for a position, the first he said no, then her boss rang him and tried to convince him to take the positions. I’m guessing they have found out that he is currently doing similar work at the moment and has been quite successful with this project when the last two attempts by different contractors have failed due to a number of reasons.

It’s a contract position that is for 6 months, might be extended but no guarantee, but that’s like the position he is in at the moment, but the one he is in has just been extended.

It’s more than DOUBLE what he is earning at the moment BUT it’s in Canberra. They will give him a home away from home allowance on top of his wages tax free.

Start date if he goes for it would be in the next two to three weeks.

If he was to take it we briefly discussed it today and decided I would need help around home with our baby due in 11 more sleeps, and our nearly three year old. My depression would not handle being a single mum at the moment. He would come home weekends (at our cost).

I’m just not sure… he said he if he didn’t have a family to consider he would take it, we are in financial debt up to our eye balls and he’s currently on a good wage ($60 an hour) so going up to $140 an hour should in turn help clear that… but I’m torn… I can’t think clearly on the best of days at the moment… and now he’s told me it’s my choice…

[BellyBelly]

I'm a believer in following your heart - when your head and your heart are arguing, only your heart will tell you what you truly want - and life is about following your bliss. It's also okay if it doesn't work out how you wanted it to, at least you followed your heart and don't feel like you're missing out. I'd tell my husband that as his wife, I would support him in whatever choice he made. You will be able to find support either way, you just have to seek it - and it comes in so many forms.

[feeb]

I would tell him to take it, Once baby is born there is no reason that you and kids could not go to Canberra and stay for a week or so every month. Sounds like great money!!

[~me~]

For one I think it's unfair of him to place this decision on you. It really should be a case of you both sitting down and discussing this together, as a married couple would do with such a life changing decision.

Perhaps sit down and write a pros and cons list.
Do you have a network that can help you when he is not around?
Is the financial dept you are in contributing to part of your depression and will doubling the wage help you if you know you can more financially stable.

Is it possible for you to move over to Canberrra with him?

I hope you both come to a decision with that you are both at peace with

[mummajj]

oh congrats to your hubby!! but what bad timing. is there anyone that could come and stay with you to help out. siblings/friend maybe?
If he moves to Canberra, will you eventually go and live there with him for the duration of his employment?? or is that not likely because of kids and school etc.

it might be a case of short term pain,long term gain, if the money is good. but your health is MUCH more important so if u just arent able to make it work so that you stay happy and healthy, maybe he could wait for something closer to come up.

good luck!!!

[MrsFabuloso]

Tough one....some things I would be things are: (not necessarily for you to answer here, but somethings to think of!)

What sort of help would you get if he did take the job? Family, friends, childcare, nanny?
Will he ba able to be with you for your birth, and a bit of family time after (a few weeks?)
Will once a week visits be enough for your relationship, with a new baby too?
Is that extra money worth it, with air fares to come and go as well?
How much time does your DH spend at home now, will there be alot of difference?
What about the kids, how will it affect thier relationship with their Daddy?

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I would say go for it - and look at joining him for stretches of time. DH works abroad a lot, he's often in different time zones so sometimes we get one day of a weekend together in 3 weeks with minimal phone calls. I quite enjoy this as I get to treat DS to film nights in my bed without worrying about DH needing to sleep in it later.

As for your depression - that's a very real consideration. Is there anyone around you that you could call on in a time of need? Or to set up regular playdates so you had adult company? I know when DH is away I can get Liebling to do more stuff around the house (such as putting his clothes in the laundry basket) because he doesn't see DH not doing it. DS also likes to help load the dishwasher etc so is quite a helpful boy when DH is away.

If I didn't work, I would be spending a bit more time travelling with DH and doing touristy things while he worked (or even taking DS to a local park). As DH works in the same 3 towns a lot, we'd get to meet local people and maybe DS could improve his languages (I know I would!).

[starangelk]

Tough one - can you guys go and live in Canberra too?

[Junglemum]

Could you all move to Canberra for 6 months? Given they are so keen to have him perhaps he could negotiate a slightly later start date, with new baby about to arrive and all.

Nothing is worth your mental health, so unless you think you can manage on your own and stay sane, i don't think money is worth it.

[misty]

For me, the deal would be we ALL go for the six months, or no-one goes. Six months is a HUGE amount of time in a baby's / young child's life, not to mention yours, just when things are about to change so dramatically. Not to mention cost of living here in Canberra is significantly higher then in brisbane, so you may not end up saving as much as you imagine - especially with the cost of two households to maintain (2x food, electricity, gas, fuel, etc).

But that's just me, and the deal I have with DH about work away. No point having money if our marriage and family suffer because I cann't cope on my own.

[Danielle_NZ]

Thanks ladies, still haven't quite got my head around it all, I haven't been able to come to a conclusion on where my depression comes from, I'm guessing a range of things but I don't tend to stress about money so not really that.

Help we are talking about is a Au Pair or a Nanny, but we really like the interactions Ethan gets at daycare so not entirely sure yet. We have just taken on someone to help out with housework once a week.

I like the idea of visiting for a week once a month, but we'd need to find out own accommodation for that week as I believe they "flat" while up there (quiet a few contractors) and he would get an home away from home allowance to help cover the costs of living in two places.

I have my mum and sister local here in Brisbane, but they don't really offer the support that I'd feel comfortable with being on my own... however I also wouldn't relocate for a temporary position.

It's hard knowing how much I should look into this until he's been offered a contract of some kind...

[Kamarine]

Money comes and goes and comes again at any time. The first six months of a babies life is once off.
If you are missing support and don't think you can do it, it's okay to say no.

I imagine there will be opportunities like this down the track when you're not juggling a newborn.

I'm not saying you can't. You just sound reluctant.. And with him flying bak at his own cost. Is the money still worth it?

If there's more opportunity to this than money, is it a once off?


I didn't make it to the meet up, but I can listen.

And I'm sorry if I'm too blunt.

[YoYo]

Coming from someone who has moved to two different countries for dh's job, my personal experience if you chose to move with him for six months is that is a lot of upheaval for not a long time. Not saying you'd move.

Six months isn't long, in my view in this situation, but it depends on whether your dh wants to be away from your new baby at that critical time if it's life. Not to mention the time you can never get back.

If I was you I'd probably let him go. Getting ahead, out of debt can sometimes be a one off opportunity. I would let him only if I had help and support, and only if there was some certainty of a job once the contract were up. If there was no certainty there, then it could end up being a whole lot of sacrifice for not much gain.

I also think it has to be a decision you both make. The last thing you want is resentment from either of you.

Good luck


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[YoYo]

Another thing I thought of while putting the kids to bed...... Your dh could use this as a bargaining chip at his current work. If someone wants him so badly they are willing to pay double, then does his current employer (contract) also want to try hard to keep him. He must be good at what he does to be headhunted.


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[Danielle_NZ]

I've just had a phone call from hubby and he's been offered the job, just waiting on the contract so we can go over if it will work for us... so this afternoon will be doing alot of research and asking myself all of the questions above again and putting the questions I have for the recruitment company in writing (My hubby will send them like they are coming from him) and then it will be decision time sometime next week.

So far my questions will be
* Pay Cycle - We find it hard enough to live fortnight to fortnight, so monthly is totally out and not worth the stress for us
* Is it possible to work a 10 day fortnight then 4 days off in a row so the trips home are longer but not as often
* Can we put the airfares via the recruitment company so it comes out as an expense before tax, as it is an expenses of working away from home
* Start date first week in May rather than third week in April (my oldest son is here from NZ from 17th - 28th April)
*

I guess it see it in a way if it doesn't work out he can hand in his notice and come home, or if it does we can consider all moving up if it looks like it will be extended. Over the last three weeks he's been hounded by recruitment companies for contracting roles so it's not like he would be out of work if this one doesn't work out, it will just be at his current rate not this possible new one. We just need to work out if we are better off with the extra expenses by doing a detailed expected budget.

So thanks ladies... your advice so far has helped and will continue to do so...

[misty]

Good luck deciding. There is no 'right or wrong' answer to this one, what suits one person will not suit another.

I just wanted to say that it is OK to put your needs and wants first in this situation if you want to. Sometimes you need to be the supportive partner that makes sacrifices, but sometimes it is OK to go with what YOU feel and let your DH be the supportive partner and make sacrifices. Only you can make this decision, together with you DH. But you need to figure out want you WANT, before you can negotiate on what will happen. There are Pro's and Con's to either decision, but I am a big believer that you 'work to live' not 'live to work'. (And I say this as someone who LOVES canberra and would recommend everyone moves here permanently )

Good luck.

[Danielle_NZ]

Well he's taken the job... at first he declined, told them it was due to fact that we would be unable to support ourselves as a family financially until his first wage was to come in (6 weeks) and there was no way that he was able to start on the start date (today).

They rang him back the next morning, with a different pay structure (fortnightly wages), offered to pay for his first flight down to Canberra & change the start date to 2nd May.

As a family we discussed the whole "what if" factor that WOULD play on our minds if he didn't take it, and we decided that if in a months time it's not working for us he would come home.

So now we are just in the process of trying to source some temporary accommodation down in Canberra for him until we are in the position for him to get a place for the 6 months that me and the boys will be able to travel down to once a month / six weeks.

Once his pay check comes in I will be also arranging for someone to come to our place and help me with the boys around dinner time so I can put myself first in getting myself healthy and on the track for weight loss and ensure that we are all eating properly and I can get one on one time with Ethan.

So yay for moving forward and fingers crossed!!! this is going to work... we are going to be in a great position in a few months time!!!

[misty]

Good luck with it all.