Have you ever...

[helle]

Just let something go in your relationship. It's morally wrong, but trying to stop it is just too hard, and someone is too stubborn to see that it hurts and it's wrong. letting it just run it's course is easier, because in the mean time, despite the fact that you know it's in the background, everyone is happy?

Or am I insane?

[RhiChiChi]

Hmm..... morally wrong to whom? That would be my question....and then I would move onto if it hurts and it's wrong - to whom and how does this affect me & the other person and our future etc....

[TeniBear]

Yes.


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks

[ElleJay]

If I get what your saying, then I've been in your situation, maybe just not the exact same.

My XF and I were 'happy' - because he always said we were in an 'open relationship'
But I wasn't, and I stuck around to make him happy so I let it go. He got to sleep with whoever he wanted while I had to stay loyal.
After 2 years of it on and off, I left for good. I couldn't act happy anymore

I know it's probably not what your going through, but I'm just sharing my story and what happened to me

[Mum2Romone]

Sometimes if you let something 'run its course' they might not stop when you think they will. Being that you may have different morals, I think if you are not ok with something you need to say something.Otherwise you will probably blame yourself anyway for the outcome.... You never know what the future holds and as I have personally learnt lately, sometimes if you leave people to it, they will self destruct...

[helle]

I caught DH on this swinger site thing. I know he pokes around their occasionally and it doesn't bother me because I knew he just read and looked at pictures (I have no issues with porn or ameture porn or whatever so this is beside the point) he didn't interact but I found out Sunday he'd contacted a girl asking for a picture and "Internet fun and flirting" I confronted him and he fessed up straight away, told me like he was telling me he'd just eaten a piece of toast. (the girl told him no anyway... She wasn't keen)
He doesn't see it as cheating, he says he was just curious and he'd "probably" never do it again and that was that. Discussion over. If i broach it further he refuses to speak to me and sulks. After that he was annoyed that I "checked up on him" but id borrowed his phone and just quite literally came across it. No snooping required.

I feel like dogs balls and I don't know what to do now. Should I let it go? Put it down to bad judgement on his behalf? Am I over reacting? I asked him if he was bored and he said no. I am pretty confident he is happy because I've been with him when he isn't and it's quite aweful. He hasn't been like that for ages.

I thought we were doing great, and now I don't know -.-;

[PumpkinZulu]

Far out, I could *not* just let that go But to me, that is cheating. I'd be devastated

[helle]

Far out, I could *not* just let that go But to me, that is cheating. I'd be devastated

Mmyeah. That's what I was afraid of ^^;

[ElleJay]

If you needa vent, you know where I am My mobile number is also on my FB page (seeing as it's a friends only page)

I admit, once and once only, I went online and 'cybered' with a guy - to which I'd stopped it half way cause I didn't feel comfortable anyways.. Thing is, we were on our 'off' period at the time and he took me back 2 days later.
But, to him, that was considered cheating on him and called it off again (I told him straight out what I did cause he gave me the whole 'Is there anything you've got to hide from me?' talk) - this time for another 2-3 weeks
So I guess it could be construed (sp?) as cheating, it's not physical cheating, but it's emotional and mental cheating (IYKWIM)

[Miss.September]

I couldn't let it go. If I was hurt by anything, and the response was a bit ho hum, I'd be like a dog with a bone until he understood what he was doing to me and agreed to stop if it was a situation where it was morally wrong.

Helle.

[PumpkinZulu]

Mmyeah. That's what I was afraid of ^^;

I've dealt with the whole internet cheating thing from previous relationships (and I'm very anti porn as a result of it) so feel free to vent away, you have full sympathy and support from me babe

[helle]

Thanks lovey.

I just don't know what category to put it in. Ok, that sounds dumb. But me personally I just don't know.
I mean ive dumbed it down, it's just words, it's flirting who cares? People flirt all the time and it can be quite harmless... But then what if she had said yes? How far and how long would it have gone on for?

I can't broach it again. I can't deal with the sulking and his ignoring me like I'm the bad person. I'm really hoping his reaction when I confronted him was from being embarrassed and that maybe he is sorry he did it, and not sorry I found out.

[Mum2Romone]

I found out Dh signed up to a similar site and made a sort of profile where you could flirt etc. I let it go, I knew things werent right between us though and i knew he wasnt cheating just bored when he was sitting up all night in his own thoughts...i am not a jealouss person at all though and knew it would not lead to anything.

We are now seperated but for different reasons, i guess this was one of our many problems that i didnt stop and say hey... is everything ok in there?
Its not normal behaviour, id say its more likely your dh is feeling inadequate and is looking for attention.. to validate himself.. I think my dh was feeling like we werent connecting anymore and wanted a little attention.. IYKWIM>>>>

[*Sparklez*]

Im sorry but i would never stand by a man, who wanted anything but... me.
I amy be different to others but i want a man who love and supports me, not someone whom lays in my bed then jumps on the net or in his car and goes and gets his freak on..
Helle, big hugs, this is not easy and even if the girl wasnt keen, there is no way in hell id be ok with that.
You have children and a relationship, that should be enough for him, what is he going to tell his children when they are older? its ok to be primiscous (sp?), to sort other things when your wife or parnter wont give it up?
if your not happy and you know its wrong, there IS something wrong..
looking in my relationship is wrong, porn and stuff isnt on with me, it makes me uncomfortable, and insecure.. and my dh wont let that happen, this is how my relationship is, if its not good for me, it isnt good for him.. but thats just mine.
sorry for rambling

[helle]

I found out Dh signed up to a similar site and made a sort of profile where you could flirt etc. I let it go, I knew things werent right between us though and i knew he wasnt cheating just bored when he was sitting up all night in his own thoughts...i am not a jealouss person at all though and knew it would not lead to anything.

We are now seperated but for different reasons, i guess this was one of our many problems that i didnt stop and say hey... is everything ok in there?
Its not normal behaviour, id say its more likely your dh is feeling inadequate and is looking for attention.. to validate himself.. I think my dh was feeling like we werent connecting anymore and wanted a little attention.. IYKWIM>>>>

I actually organised for us to go out for dinner on saturday because I thought maybe he felt neglected too. Someone suggested to me making a date night once a month as well, so we can give each other attention.

[PumpkinZulu]

You don't have to feel the need to downplay how severe you think it is...some people might think, "oh it's just flirting", and to me, if someone said that to me when I feel the way I do, I'd be very hurt. To me, it isn't okay to flirt. Why? Flirt with your partner, not some random. To me, that's a big deal, as is getting off to a random woman (why? I'm sexier than any Internet ho to my partner, as it should be )

Many I know that feeling well - the hot, angry, hurt feeling in your belly, the uncertainty at how 'bad' a situation is, and the feelings of doubt because the partner is downplaying our concerns. All amounts to feeling totally crap.

[misty]

No Way. Hell would freeze over first. I'm sorry, but your first post doesn't even begin to cover the situation you describe in the second one.

I would NOT let it go, and my DH WOULD here me out on it and discuss it with me and have to go to hell and back to make it up to me, or that would be it. Shutting me out wouldn't even be an option if he wanted to stay married and a part of this family and my life. What would happen after 'discussing' it, I have no idea. But to do even less then that is NOT on. It is first betraying my trust and then dismissing me and my feelings.

To me, that is cheating.

[Jewel]

I couldn't let it go either. I'm so sorry.