Pregnant at 20 and fiancé is unsure about keeping the baby ?

[Miss.M]

Hello everyone,

So I just recenty tested positive several times so I'm pretty positive I can say I'm pregnant...! I have a dr app on the 3 of may to figure out how far along I am.. I'm just asking for pplz opponions on what I can say to reassure my fiancé that things will be fine if we keep the baby. Cause I really really do not want to abort the little thing. He's just unsure on how we will cope financially even though he has a very well paying job but I'm only casually employed ATM and also cause we r living with his parents and my mum lives in another state so it's hard to discuss things with her. ? Any advice would be muchly appreciated!
Thanks

[Phteven]

Congratulations.
You will cope financially. Things might be a bit tight sometimes but that is the reality for most Australian families. The funny thing about income is that your expenses seem to grow with it so no matter what your income a baby will make you reassess the way you spend your money.

Little babies are really quite cheap. Breast milk is free, they can sleep in your bed and ebay is overstocked with second-hand baby goods. It's when they grow up that they start to cost more and by then your DF will probably have had a pay raise and you will be able to get back into the workforce if you need to.

[Lady-bug]

Congratulations! I totally agree with Onyx. Babies really are cheap, breastfeeding is free, cloth nappies are cheap and they can sleep with you. Its the big 'baby shops' that make you think you need all the fancy stuff when really you don't
Also contact Centrelink to find out how much you ar entitled to.

Good luck!

[Miss.M]

I think we will cope financially and even though both of our parents won't accept the pregnancy at the beggining I know that they will warm up to the idea and help is out if we need it. Maby not so much my fiancée mum cause she has already told her son that if we keep it he's stupid for wanting to do so
I just don't want to put pressure on his family wen the baby is born cause we live under there roof.
... So I think he changed his mind about keeping it cause his mum got to his head. He will be 20 wen the baby is born and I will have turned 21 the month before I think we.ll cope just have to make the fiancée see that we will .. Thank u for ur advice I agree with you about everything Inc eBay love finding bargains on there! Lol

[nothing2lose]

Hi MissM

Welcome to Belly Belly!

I think you have had some good advice from the previous posters. Can I just add one thing though....The choice is absolutely yours and yours only. However, I think you need to take into consideration that if your fiance is not 100% sure you have to be prepared to take on raising the child by yourself if it comes to that.

Of course we all want things to turn out perfectly but the reality is, if your relationship falters under the stress of raising a child (which it can) it is almost definitely going to be you left holding the baby (literally!)

Not saying it wont work out for you, but having a baby/child is hard. Having one with someone who is not 100% committed to the idea is much, much harder.

All the best in your decision. I really hope it all works out well for you.

Take care x

[Jellybean29]

Dear Miss.M,
I found out I was pregnant 6 months into our marriage and hubby and I didn't know how we'd work things financially! We just built a house and also have a personal loan to pay for the wedding. But don't worry, you'll make it work, and you only have to have worked 8hrs a week for 12 months to get paid parental leave, so you may qualify for that. Otherwise you are definitely eligible for baby bonus. Plus there is also Family Tax benefit A and B, childcare rebates etc.
My friend has bought all her nursery furniture stuff, capsules, prams etc. on ebay and gumtree classifieds and spent less than $500 all up, so its very possible to get all the necessaries without spending a fortune.
You WILL make it work financially, all our family is interstate as well, but i'm now on unpaid maternity leave so we are only on the one income and we are working it.
I was panicked at first, but trust me, these things work out!
ETA: My parents said on our wedding day, no grandkids for 5 years etc etc, but now they are sooo excited and can't wait. so don't worry about the parents, trust me they come around
xxoooxox

[courts&munchkins]

Just wanted to say that I fell pregnant with my 1st at 20. He's nearly 4 now. We've learnt how to budget well and we have 3 kids now. I manage to be a stay at home mum and we are coping fine. Anything is able if you want it badly enough.

As others said we use cloth nappies, breastfeeding is free, I use baby carriers instead of prams.

Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk

[Miss.M]

THank u all so much for ur advice...
Yes I have considered the thought that I may end up raising this baby by myself but I'd prefer to do it that way then have to give it up for adoption I wouldn't even consider gettng rid of it...
My mother in law knows of my news cause she kInda guessed it. ? And she would prefer me to get rid of it and have nice things but u can still have nice things and care for a baby well that's what I think anyway. But in the end the decision comes down to me and how I'd feel at the end of the day. True or not?

[nothing2lose]

That's absolutely true Miss.M. Only YOU can make the decision because YOU will have to live with it either way for the rest of your life.

Dont let ANYONE pressure you into doing anything you dont want to do.

[MummyOfTerrors]

i was only 20 when i first fell pregnant with our first
we were living at our own parents
and had high debt >$55thou
we managed we are now expecting our 3rd and have a morgage
DH wanted to run scared aswell due to high debt but once he realised it possible he came round
and i havent worked since i wa pregnant with our frist

[Jellybean29]

THank u all so much for ur advice...
Yes I have considered the thought that I may end up raising this baby by myself but I'd prefer to do it that way then have to give it up for adoption I wouldn't even consider gettng rid of it...
My mother in law knows of my news cause she kInda guessed it. ? And she would prefer me to get rid of it and have nice things but u can still have nice things and care for a baby well that's what I think anyway. But in the end the decision comes down to me and how I'd feel at the end of the day. True or not?

Nice things don't give you newborn cuddles, and burps and smiles and a lifetime of joy as you watch them learn and play and grow. IMO a baby is better than any 'nice things' money can buy

[ubba82]

Nice things don't give you newborn cuddles, and burps and smiles and a lifetime of joy as you watch them learn and play and grow. IMO a baby is better than any 'nice things' money can buy

I agree.
I was 18 when i fell pregnant with my first. We got all her things second hand except for the pram and carseat (my dad paid for that). We are now expecting our 4th bub. Things can be tough but that doesnt mean its going to fail.

[Miss.M]

Tried tlking to my fiancée and now he's saying he's too immature for a baby and coming up with every excuse under the sun and is trying really hard to avoid tlking about it ... it's starting to get me upset because he always said that if I did end up prego that he'd wanna keep it and now he doesn't at all! What should I do go it alone or what I need advice.

[emc2]

I'm 35 weeks now. I spent about $400 on eBay - I got a cot, cot mattress, bassinet, two Maclaren strollers, Maclaren rocker, folding change table for that. I think I've spent about $1200 all up, and I've got loads of things - including clothes for myself, clothes for bubs, flat nappies. Sure I've had to watch what I'm spending, but I think if I hadn't it would have easily added up to $3000 or more.

Edited to say, when I decided to go ahead with this pregnancy, oh gosh I found out quite late at 9 weeks pregnant..when I decided to go ahead with it, it rested on my being able to do it to some degree on my own, as I'd only known the baby's father for six months at that point.

Unfortunately things aren't working out with the father, but his parents are quite supportive, as are my family.

[MummyDeb]

Hey Miss M, I was a single mum to my daughter due to the fact her father wanted me to abort and just didn't want to be a father, now he was 26, so really he was just being childish. I honestly think that you will be better off on your own, just from what you have said, there is nothing wrong with bringing your child up alone, I loved it, she was all mine, and by the time she was 11months I met the man i am going to marry in July this year... So its not the end of relationships, but I think you need to put yourself and your baby first, you need to be in a good place and not stress.
Is there anywhere you can go? Really wish I could help more, I'll always be there for young single mums cos I have been there myself So always here if u want to chat

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I really do wish u all the best... Becoming a mother is the best thing in the world, and definately was the best thing for me!

[willow5]

Hi MissM and congratulations! Lots of If your fiancé really doesn't want to have a baby and you do, then you may need to go it on your own. It will be a big decision and a hard one for you, but if that's what your heart tells you then that's what you should do. Only you can make the decision to stay or go, or have your baby or not
I was 18 when I had my first baby, I went it alone and did fine. It wasn't always easy, but it's not always easy having a baby with your partner there either. I've done both. ( Just quietly sometimes I think it was easier on my own, I got everything my way, the right way )
Whatever you decide you can always find plenty of support in here

[willow5]

Congratulations.
You will cope financially. Things might be a bit tight sometimes but that is the reality for most Australian families. The funny thing about income is that your expenses seem to grow with it so no matter what your income a baby will make you reassess the way you spend your money.

Little babies are really quite cheap. Breast milk is free, they can sleep in your bed and ebay is overstocked with second-hand baby goods. It's when they grow up that they start to cost more and by then your DF will probably have had a pay raise and you will be able to get back into the workforce if you need to.

Completely agree!

[Miss.M]

To mummydeb,
well I'm really considering going it alone but the only thing that's makes things more harder then I need it is the fact that my mum lives in qld and I'm in nsw at the moment I don't have a dad to turn to due to infedelity issues but my mum is happy with a bf now.. But if I were to go it alone I'd have to pack my car up and travel to qld then tell my mum who would not be impressed cause she doesn't really like the guy I'm with but she let's me learn things for myself I guess. It's just hard wen I have no family what so ever to turn to or even just get away for a couple of days..