My grandmother moved into a retirement village just over two years ago. She was complaining that she was constantly lonely, she wasn't looking after herself, and the family agreed that she should go into a retirement village where there were people around all the time, and she lives in an area that is fully serviced, so all her meals and washing are done for her. She's in her mid 80's. She was really reluctant to go, she'd lived in the same house for over 50 years, but the house was at the point of her needing to spend serious money on it to make it safe and livable for her. She didn't want to spend the money. After she moved in, she thanked my mum for encouraging her to move into the retirement village, she was happier there. We later found out her friend had moved in right next door.
Around the same time of her moving, my mum and nan had a big falling out. Mum barely speaks to her, calling her when the guilt gets too much, but they don't talk about anything much. Nan isn't the easiest of people, she can be a bit mean and clearly favours her other two kids, one of which she hadn't seen for over ten years. Mum was her "runaround" child, the one who took her to doctor's appointments, organised everything in her life, even took her grocery shopping.
Anyway...fast forward to now. Mum's sister contacted mum saying that the retirement village had been sold and the new owners weren't as good. The food had gone downhill and the 24/7 nurse had been removed. All of this is in breech of contract, but that's another story. Anyway, nan had a fall and ended up in hospital. Problem is, there's no injury. She's had xrays and ultrasounds, physio and doctors. Nothing is broken, nothing is sprained. But she reckons she can't walk. It's been about six weeks now. She's now going into a nursing home because she can't return to the retirement village if she can't walk, it's not that sort of care, and she's not a strong woman that can push herself around in a wheelchair. Plus because of the problems with the new owners and my aunt and uncle questioning the owners, the retirement village aren't super eager to have her back. But that's kind of irrelevant because she can't take care of herself at all right now, or so it seems.
Mum spoke to her yesterday and asked her what happens if she tries to walk. She said she goes about 2 metres and falls over again. If she's using her walker, she gets the wobbles and can't go any further. Mum asked her if she was in pain, what the doctor's were saying and all nan could say is "I don't know". I don't understand how she doesn't know if she's in pain or not. I feel like this is all in her mind, and I think it's been suggested to her, because we had a family event to go to, and I said to her "You're not going to be able to go if you can't walk", not in a mean way and she bit my head off with her reply of "I'm NOT faking this." Both mum and I agreed that it seemed to be a bit of a sore point.
On top of all this, she's forgotten my DD's birthday, mum's birthday and my brother's birthday and even thinks that my brother's LO's name is something totally different to what it is. And it's not like she has a heap of grandchildren and great grandchildren to remember. She has six grandchildren (two she doesn't see) and two great grandchildren. It all seems a bit weird to me. I don't know if there is something wrong mentally, or if she's had a falling out with her friend and wants out of the retirement village. Or if she thinks that she won't have to go into a nursing home, that she'll be able to live with one of her kids, which isn't really possible. I don't have a lot to do with her, and I feel sad about it. I had a really close relationship to my other nan who died last year, and this nan was always jealous of that. She's done some really kind and considerate things in the past that have blown me away, but she's really bitter most of the time and she has a nasty streak.
So what do you think? Is her mind going? Are we missing something? There is no physical evidence that says something is wrong. Mum thinks it could be her hip, but she hurt that a few years back, so surely they would have checked. Mum asked her about it, and the reply was still "I don't know" and her sister isn't much better. It's very weird, to say the least!
It sounds like a few issues TBH. If the care in the village has gone down, she may be scared to go back, and this is manifesting in physical pain. I definitely don't think she wants to go back, but I don't get the impression from what you've written that she's doing it deliberately. On that front, you can call the Health Ombudsman and look into a surprise 'inspection' by the authorities to check up on the facility which may give you a clearer idea on how she lives and why she may be reluctant. It also sounds like there's some dementia creeping in there, given her age. Some people regress as part of the dementia, which could also lead to her being afraid of being by herself.
From what you are describing about her forgetting names I was thinking dementia too. Not sure about the hip but if they have done scans it could be something to do with her not wanting to go back.
Thanks ladies. I'd wondered dementia, but I don't know a lot about it. I might do some research.
Keike - my aunt and uncle are seeing a solicitor, or so they say, because there is a breech of contract with the retirement village in what nan pays for each week and what is delivered. Mum has told them about surprise inspections, she has a friend who works in a nursing home and given mum details, and mum passed on the info, but she's leaving it to them. Thanks.
my nan had a fall about 3 weeks ago and broke her arm and dislocated her shoulder and since then her memory's getting worse and dementia is kicking in (dads a ex nurse) she is 81 though. i wonder whats going on in the retirement village? something else iv just thought of is my nan broke her coxix years ago and the fall has aggravated it badly so it could be a old injury that causing her pain. huge hugs huni its a hard situation xx
What do you make of this? Part advice, long story
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