Well im slowly progressing through the list of forums on belly belly. First it was just the general conception discussion (all naive and with anticipation and expectation), then, slowly, onto the long-term TTC (less naive, anticipation and expectation dissipating), then IUI discussion (wave hand in air, over it), and now, well here i am....on the IVF discussion, exactly the place i never ever thought throughout my whole life i would be. Your whole life you just grow up 'expecting' quite flippantly that you will have kids, one day. No doubts in mind at all, no physical problems to worry about.....its just a given- 'hey, i love kids, im gonna have kids when i grow up.....'.
Now Im grown up (33y.o.) and i started TTC just after i was married (3 years ago) and did a mammoth cycling journey arond Europe (our last lil hurrah before we 'settle' in)- well how naive was i completely! Here i am leading a natural, non-pill, non-drug herbal existence, and now, BANG! gotta now just 'say yes' and do as the doc says- started taking pill, gotta do that nasal spray thingie, injections, triggers, side effects.....argghh!how completely demoralising and a real slap in the face......after all the work i have put into my body and mind, this is what it comes down to....just 'saying yes' to a doctor who doesnt really care about my previous healthy history....
Ok now that ive got all those real 'deep down' negative thoughts out of the way.....(maybe i should speak with a shrink?), i will progress to the here and now and attempt to keep my positive face on: I have just started the pill (havent been on that in years), and after the end of my 3 year deadline of TTC, and after spending about 10k (yes you read right!) on naturopaths, gyno's, a lap, herbs, vitamins, and a famous herbalist....im completely over it- bring on the docs and needles and drugs and gazing eyes into my nether regions!!! Its time to do what i never thought would happen to (natural-is-right) lil ol me- IVF.....no hang on, can i just be a lil more negative and upset for a bit?
Everyone around me has completely bypassed me- im talking ppl who were not in serious relationships (have kids), ppl who didnt even know their current partner at my wedding (have kids), ppl who have never wanted kids (have kids), ppl who really dont like kids (have kids), ppl who have serious reproductive probs (have kids).... Maybe being healthy, living in a beautiful natural environment with a loving husband isnt good enough anymore.....dam right im upset!! But a positive is....many, many lessons have been learned about life.....about expectations, that random events can happen to random ppl, that trying to conceive (just like life) is not always fair.....But hey, ive been dealing with these thoughts for 3 years, and with the help of my husband and friends, im through this and ready to start IVF....phew! needed to get that out.....
SO, any tips from any hardened IVFers? What can i expect with the pill/nasal spray/drugs/O pick up, ET? What should i be doing during this time, anything to be aware of? My natural ovulation cycle and hubby's sperm were always perfect- no probs there, im very in tune with my body. However i was diagnosed with endo 3 years ago, unbeknownst to me, have no symptoms. It seems that may be the real issue cos theres no other real issues....But now my body is under someone elses control and i dont know what to expect, cant read the signs now.....any general tips would be great...apologies for the rant (maybe i just need a girls only night in?)
Many thanks......
Last edited by onthefly; June 1st, 2011 at 07:15 PM.
Hi Bianeckza
It's always a bit of a shock when you get to this point.
You might find it really helpful to chat with the girls in LT TTC & Assisted Conception Chatter.
Good luck to you!
Firstly, what you feel and what you go through with IVF is personal and different for everyone. One thing I learnt, is have no expections, expect let downs but KNOW you have the strength to get back up and go again, why? because of that baby you so badly desire. As to what the drugs will do to your body, different for everyone, I felt I didnt struggle with the emotional side, apparently I cried, ALOT.. I found the hardest part of the process was the 2WW(2 week wait) and the impending failure if it doesnt stick. The first time was such a heart breaker for me cos it was the ONE chance.
Myself, I suffered endo. I had two laps, of which the last one took over 2 hours surgery.
I would suggest, dont plan on when you will draw that line because that line may come sooner than you planned, or you may stretch it.
This might all sound hard coming from me as Im currently pregnant.. BUT.. Ive had the surgeries, had the failed IVF, had a failed marriage and started my life again, met my wonderful husband and I believe, have been given the utmost gift of a beautiful baby growing inside of me without the assistance of medical intervention. We were due to start IVF in two weeks when we found out we had fallen pregnant naturally. I believe it had alot of to do with my surgery but also a miracle.
But, as MadB said, go to the LT TCC & Assisted Conception Chatter group.. AWESOME support from women who KNOW what you're going through and won't say something that they don't realise cuts you to the core. Your friends and family can do that without thinking but thats just cos they dont know what you're going through, they dont mean to hurt.
Good luck and I pray you get your own BFP.. it truly is a gift that I treasure daily and won't ever take for granted. And from someone who went through the endo operations and the failed IVF, hyper stimulated ovaries, etc... it is SOOOO worth it. God bless my friend.
I must firstly applaud you, you are calling it how it is and not trying to pull the 'its all ok' act, I like that . I guess Im a hardened IVFer, 5 years and 11 treatments . Honestly, I found the synarel made me a bit moody, the injections were not nearly as bad as I expected, pick up was terrifying until I actually got there and then it was much easier than I thought and the transfers a walk in the park . Endo may the problem, it may also be that you are suffering from unexplained infertility. A nice way of saying 'meh, we dont really know whay you dont have the baby you long for'.
All cycles are different, hun, take each as it comes. Ask every question you want, sort every answer you cant find, roll with the punches and do not ever give up hope of some day holding that precious little miracle. I hope you get your baby soon
Welcome to BB. The amazing ladies on here will help keep you sane. We have been TCC for three years and after MUCH heartbreak and tears I have my 6 week scan on Monday and are hoping for a lil heartbeat and not another disapointment.
I think like everyone else has said every cycle is different, book yourself into a good acupuncturist and what supplements are you taking? I took royal jelly, Cq10 & omega 3's and I on DHEA for my low ovarian reserve(im 34 fit & healthy who would've thought you could have old ovaries at 34).
You need a lot of patience as you are always waiting for something......
During your TWW run away to an Island paradise by yourself...
Talk, Talk and Talk find that one person other than your DH that you say anything too and they promise not to lock you up!!
It is not a journey for the faint hearted that's for sure and just when you think you are done and dusted, you will find the strength to get back up and try again. Everyone who has been through this is a stronger more resilient amazing woman with the patience of a saint.
Remember there is always someone on hear to listen or get advise from.
Be kind to yourself xx
Hey hun!!! Welcome to BB!! You're not a Polska are you?
I've been extremely lucky that IVF seems to agree with me (apart from the fact that I haaaaaated the thought of actually having to do it thanks to my lovely DF's faulty plumbing, God bless him, it wasn't his fault for having a vasectomy many moons ago so his ex would't die having another baby). We did the short cycle, as I 'O' on my own regularly, the injections were a breeze (even though I almost died just thinking about it! lol), egg pick up came so quickly and was OK (I was pretty swollen for aaaages afterwards though), first transfer hurt like hell but that's b/c I had a massive fibroid growing in there too (hence why we lost our first wee boy Joshua), second time being a FET was a breeze. Doing the first cycle I was told not to expect too much. So I went home and put it out of my mind already anticipating it to be a flop. Well, I got pg. Second time I went home and stayed on the couch for 2 days watching comedies to make me laugh. I had a good feeling about this one. Now he sleeps next door, my wee munchkin Cameron
GL lovely, I hope the ride is nice and short for you like me
Hi Bianeczka
Thanks for posting! Your story is soo similar to mine it's ridiculous. I'm a naturopath and have been ttc for 6 or so years (I try not to count too closely) I've done all the herbs and supplements till I rattle, acupuncture, massage (trying to relax- mostly due to stress caused by people telling me it will all be fine if I just relax! ) had 3 laps after discovering surprise, symptom-free endo- the last of which was a mammoth 2hr marathon- and I too, am horrified at the thought of chemically decimating my carefully honed hormones!
This is my first round of IVF. I started Synarel yesterday and am trying very hard to embrace it so it can do it's job and we can get off this bandwagon as swiftly as possible.
Good luck to you- I'll be crossing my fingers for both of us- hopefully our healthy bodies will take to pregnancy like fish to water and we'll be all glowey and beautiful- we have to have some justice, right?
I just had to say thank you for your honesty. I had to admit I felt like reading your blog that i was reading my own especially your paragraph about everyone else (having kids)!
I too have been on a similar journey and am 32 been TTC for 5 years. It is a hard and challenging road but I try to remind myself that it will be so wonderful for us when it does happen because we have worked so hard for it Sounds good in theory.
My only advice is to take care of yourself, no one else can ever do that properly! Try journal writing, I was sick for a few months after my last op and found that journal writing helped get rid of some of the 'internal battles' i was having.
I am about to restart my IVF journey soon (attempt no 5) and I have everything crossed that we both end the year with a positive outcome!
Take care,
Bronze
Last edited by Bronze; June 8th, 2011 at 01:27 PM.
Oh thank you thank you thank you grrrrls......ive been reading the replies to my thread and shedding some tears.....(yes Bex, im thinking that is the positive, the patience of a saint, that sentence was beautiful.....) and ues Miss B, i sure am a polska and i see you are too
I had bottled up so much inside that my thread was just the unleash i needed, i thought it was a bit full on (confirmed by the fact part of it was edited by moderator), but im happy that ppl were grateful for the honesty.....im an honest kinda gal!
Bronze- yes let's hope we both have a positive outcome this year! Josie Jo- we will be on similar journies- i start the nasal thingie on tuesday, going away this long weekend before it all really starts......nothing but good vibes for us this cycle....lets keep each other posted.....we're both new to it! thanks to you all......will re-read your replies again for inspiration and strength......
Just wanting to let you know how much I related to your post. I am now 36 and FINALLY pregnant after 6 years of trying.
I am a hardened IVF'er. I also started trying at age 30. I also tried all of the natural stuff first, then went on to a specialist. They all agreed at how healthy I was, how good my hormone levels were. I also had an endo diagnosis however it was classified as 'mild' and they didn't really see why it was interfering with things!
Its so frustrating isn't it? It also used to amaze me that people who hadn't even met when we started trying to conceive, actually managed to meet, marry, have a baby then start trying for their second...it was so hard to deal with, I totally get it.
So yes - being one of the 'infertile' ones - its not what I expected in my life. When I was in the midst of IVF, I went through a stage of waking at 4am every day with the sudden realisation that my husband and I were "that couple" who couldn't have kids, the couple everyone felt sorry for...the forgotten ones. I was so sad about it that I used to cry in my dreams. Having kids was the one thing that I always knew I wanted 100% for certain, and as time went by, the reality hit me slowly that it wasn't necessarily a given.
My journey with IVF was not a pretty one so I wont go into details. But the positive is - I found a way. It turned out that it was my eggs that were the issue. We ended up going down the path to find an egg donor. It was a nerve wracking time, but we found an amazing woman who wanted to help us, and on the second transfer I became pregnant for the first time in my life. Ofcourse I am still pinching myself every day. I am due in 6 weeks and I am grateful for every pregnancy symptom, every bout of reflux, every cramp!!!! It has finally happened.
I hope that your journey with IVF is a short one and that it works nice and quickly for you - as it does for many people!! But please know that if you come across more road blocks, and if you really want this, there is a way. You are still young (I know sometimes it doesn't feel like that - but you are - there are many women out there 10 years on from you who are now struggling with other factors due to options being limited because of age etc).
Hang in there!!! And it looks like if you ever need support then you have come to the right place!!
Havent been on this for a while, and just read your post CJane. very powerful, i was near tearing up....i can completely relate. I feel like ive been through such an arduous ordeal after three years of trying. i cant imagine what it would be like after 6 years.....im so happy that you are nearly due! you may have had the baby by now so please let me know how its going......
I have my first transfer tomorrow- i have 6 embyro's. have no idea whether this is god, normal or what....im excited that something different is happening as opposed to nothing.
6 embryo's is good B, I had 18 eggs, 13 viable embs, but only 8 freezable. So you can see how it dwindles down. Best of luck and heaps of sticky thoughts for you. the next two weeks arnt fun. Use your support network. *hugs*
B - I have my fingers and toes crossed for positive result for you !
I am about to start my first (and hopefully only!) IVF cycle this week - do you have any tips for how to overcome the amount of needles you have to have? I am being prescribed Gonal F and Cetratide - then Ovidrel. I have been injecting pregnyl for many cycles now and still hate the thought of it!
Also does anyone have any stories of using acupuncture alongside an IVF cycle?
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About to start my first IVF, help!
. I guess Im a hardened IVFer, 5 years and 11 treatments
. Honestly, I found the synarel made me a bit moody, the injections were not nearly as bad as I expected, pick up was terrifying until I actually got there and then it was much easier than I thought and the transfers a walk in the park
. Endo may the problem, it may also be that you are suffering from unexplained infertility. A nice way of saying 'meh, we dont really know whay you dont have the baby you long for'.
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