As the title suggests my DH wants another child and i'm not sure. WE have 2 girls which i am stoked about but he really really want a boy. I feel mean saying definitely no more but i feel having another child just so he might get a boy isn't the right reason to have a child. I try to think about how i would feel if i got 2 boys and know i probably would feel differently and would want to try again for a girl so that is hard.
After my last birth i have been having lots of post birth issues. I don't have easy births and i have big babies. DD1 was 8lb15 - forceps delivery with a third degree episitotomy and a 2000ml blood loss then DD2 who is 4mths was 10lb 7oz and had shoulder dystocia, causing a third degree tear. She had breathing problems and ended up on a drip from getting stuck and having fluid on her lungs. I now have a defect in the right wall of my vagina and a slight rectocele, painful scarring, skin tags (TMI) and my bits are frankly maimed. This has caused intimacy issues with DH which are starting to improve thankfully since i have been seeing a pelvic floor physio.
I have seen a gyne and anyway he said that i need to have c-sections in the future but i should consider having my tubes tied if i have another baby. He also said that i should wait 3-5 years to give my body sufficient healing time. I'm just not sure if i want to go through it again. Don't get me wrong i love my babies but i feel like in some ways i have been so lucky that the outcomes for my babies have turned out ok.
So i'm sure i'm not the first one to go through this. I know i have no control over the sex of my baby but i feel kinda bad i couldn't give DH the son he wants and i keep hoping he will get over the need for a son in time.
I'm not in the same boat as you, but I agree that I don't think you should have another baby just to have a boy itms? I think you should have a baby to have a baby.
Have you spoken honestly to your dh about how you feel, explained it the way you have here?
i have. He is in agreement that we need to wait but i think he is frightened to say no more and have something done permanently like have a vasectomy (not that i'm asking him to yet) he keeps on saying we'll just have a ceaser like it's an easy thing.
i don't want it to cause a huge rift in our marriage. just wondering from others who ended up backing down you or him?
btw - i know this decision doesn't have to be reached now it's just on my mind lately
With everything you've been through its not surprising you aren't really considering any more kids. I guess It's hard for partners to fully understand the effect all this would have on you. Your baby is so young as well, so you never know how you may feel in a couple of years. I think it's not really worth stressing too much about right now. (I know, easier said then done)
As for your husband, I think he would have to feel 100% happy to end up with 3 girls before considering having another. He cant just be thinking 3rd time lucky he'll get his boy.
I fear this may come up for me in the future. DP says definiately no more 2 is enough but i feel like I may want another.
Sorry no real advice on how to resolve this, no ones feelings are more important than the other so I dont know who shoul end up 'giving in' so to speak.
Big again. I hope this doesn't stress you out too much at the moment and that you continue to heal both physically and emotionally from your previous births.
My dh has been clucky for a while now but I havn't been ready, the thing was he wanted to 'try for a boy', I said that if I were to get pregnant, we would try for a baby and be happy if we got a girl, and he would have to be just as happy with that than if we were to have a boy. He has only just come to terms with it and realised it is a baby he wants, not a boy. Gosh, our girl is already into getting muddy and motorbikes at one year old!!
i think it's to do with carrying on the name etc. I have explained that a lot of women now keep there own name but our surname is very uncommon and he comes from a very small family.
Tali - thanks for that. I will be using that one ïf we are going to try for another baby it will be for another baby- not for a boy
Why cant you make a compromise by saying that you will revisit the topic in 3-5yrs? That time frame because thats you said the Dr said about time to let your body heal.
A lot can happen in that period of time. It also gives you both heaps of time to revisit the question.
Personally I can understand why you are hesistant about going back again, but I can also understand why he would want to go again. He may be saying its because he wants a boy, but maybe there is more to his thinking than just that?
If I were you I would agree to disagree at the moment with the intention to revisiting the question in a few years time...
Goodluck, and please excuse my ramblings
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When He Wants More but You Aren't Sure
again. I hope this doesn't stress you out too much at the moment and that you continue to heal both physically and emotionally from your previous births.
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