Working Mums - Are you made to attend social work functions?

[Starfish]

This is a bit of a vent, but I'd like some other opinions.

First of all I'll start by saying that I absolutely hate work social events. I think you go to work to work, and it is a hugely bad look for co-workers to see each other passing out drunk, saying stupid things, etc. So most of the time I avoid them when I can. I am fortunate that in my job I am not really a member of any particular department, so can usually get away with not going.

However, when the whole organisation gets together, I am made to feel so guilty for not wanting to go to these things. Do other mums feel like that too?

I usually love my job. The people are (mostly) great, but I really don't like these social things. If I'm not working, I want to be spending time with DD. Is there a graceful way to get out attending these things, or will I have to suffer the guilts each time I turn down an invite??

[KimmyF]

I'm currently on Mat Leave but when I was working we weren't made to attend just "strongly encouraged" so i would try and attend at least one a year (we used to have one each quarter) and maybe for the second one just pop in for a quick hello and leave, this was enough to get rid of the guilts from other workers and from myself as well. Our functions were always fairly informal though so that was easy enough and I always left before things got messy.

HTH

[anney]

I went to all the work social things when i was childless. (not that we have many but i did go). i still wanted to go after i got back from mat leave but really couldn't as needed to get home to DD and same as you , did prefer her company to work's company. Now 7 years later, i never go to work things and don't miss it at all. don't feel guilty, work is work and home is your first committment and "home is where the heart is" (sorry if that is too cheesy LOL)

[teresa]

i dont go to work functions anymore. i dont like some of the people i work with so i find that trying to socialise outside of work with them is pointless. besides i am only going to get ignored there like i do at work! they also tend to go out all the time and i never get an invite but thats fine with me. i think work and social life should be seperate anyway.

[Pandora]

I generally say I have family commitments.
Are they events that are important for your job, i.e networking etc, or purely social?
There are a few things I go to where there's an actual connection to my job, but if its just drinking etc I dont tend to go.
Our tea, at work have drinks the last Friday of the month, which I go to, but thats in work time and no one has more than 1-2 drinks.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I rarely went to work functions and never go now. Because they just get drunk, sleep together then get into trouble theres a fight and there are tears so i avoid them. Im not really friends with anyone i work with so dont really want to see them outside of work.

[krysalyss]

I work in a uni (like you I think?). I never go to social events for the school, faculty or campus. But we work in a small little centre and always go to social events there. Firstly because if we are having one it is generally important and secondly everyone is nice and gets along. If we didn't get along I would go to those that are truly important and leave the others.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I love work socials. Meeting people's OHs, seeing what they are like outside of work. I especially love work balls - I have some gorgeous dresses I have nowhere to wear them to, so work balls rock. Then again, I get on with co-workers and so does DH.

Having said that, the penultimate work social I attended DH was in France so I took DS as my guest. And didn't get that drunk. The last one DH and DS both didn't attend and had a boys' night in instead. I did get a little more than beswipst on that occasion, but switched to non-alcoholic drinks before I got drunk. Up to me to not be embarrassing to myself, IMO.

[misty]

We occasisionally have work social events we are 'very strongly engouraged' to attend. But they are only very occaisional (thank goodness).

DH gets hit up for things like this all the time. Lunches, dinners, other functions. He basically has no choice (or rather if he did choose not to attend, it could very well mean the end of his job). The worst part is that these are expenses which need to come out of 'our' pocket. I wouldn't mind so much if work paid for them all, but when we are forced to fork out for them even when we would prefer he don't attend in the first place, it is a real kick in the teeth. (he does also attend alot of functions which are paid for by his work, but many of them ones aren't). Sometimes, it isn't just him who is expected to attend, but me also - even though I am not even an employee. A big part of his current role is networking, but it is also the culture of the organisation he works for too (where most people at his level are from double income familys / couples - he is a public servant, but I won't say which dept. ).

[Nai]

We really only have 2 functions a year - end of fin year and Christmas functions. I love attending them - I love the people I work with and the events are always a lot of fun. I rarely get to let go and twice a year isn't much so I really do look forward to it. I don't feel pressured to go but people are happy that I do make the effort.

[Cherished]

Could you suggest that the social functions that your work has are family functions?

[Starfish]

Could you suggest that the social functions that your work has are family functions?

I think that this is my main issue. These things are strictly no partners, etc...

Well, I just spoke to my boss about not going to this afternoon's event and he was fine with it. He's not going either and although he didn't say it outright, I got the impression that he thinks the whole thing is a bad idea and that hardly anyone is going anyway (apparently I was one of the first people to put apologies and others followed suit). So I suppose that's good.

I think this may be the next issue working mums have to fight - we have the right to breastfeed and lactation breaks, now we need to be recognised as being exempt from work drinks because we are primarily mothers, and employees second...

Or maybe it's just me - as I don't usually drink I get drunk really fast and when the drinks are free, well, let's not go there.... I have no desire to get messily drunk in front of people who I need to be taken seriously by the next day.

Teresa - I know what you mean about being ignored. I had one workmate giving me cr@p for not wanting to go today and it was all I could do to stop myself saying sarcastically "so if I go, then you'll acutally talk to me or something??"

[Cranky Kitten]

Ugh, I hate work functions out of hours too. I generally try to avoid them, and most of my co-workers understand that if it's a weekend I have DD I'm not going to sacrifice my time with her for their benefit - after all, I see them 5 days a week, I see DD 2 days a fortnight.

I do make the effort to go to the odd one or two, usually if someone I work closely with is celebrating something or is leaving and it's a goodbye dinner or so on. I don't think I've ever gone to the whole of company Christmas party yet, and I've been there 5 years! The main thing for me is that they are all "no partners/family" events, and I've raised it several times with the work social club to say could we have some family friendly events but to no avail. So meh, they can live without me

[briggsy's girl]

our work do's are generally out of hours and really expensive (not to mention not local!) - so i don't go. i know a lot of people do go (or they wouldn't keep doing them) but when all the "selling" power is related to drunken exploits, it just puts me off big time (and i have better things i can spend $300 plus on that would be for ALL of us). at my last job, the number of "incidents" that came out of events was just appalling - pregnancies, people forced to resign - not my thing

when we have on-site, work hours things, then i'll go. but night times are my times for my family!

[Cally]

I am in a very small office and generally anything we do is during work hours. My boss will have parties at his place that we are all invited to (including partners/kids), but they have other people there as well.

A couple of times a year there are larger functions which are generally incorporated with a training session or AGM during the day, followed by a work people only dinner. I tend to go to them because they are held in various areas and I am away from home anyway. There was one in our area last month which I didn't attend, although I was suffering from a 2 day headache so felt fairly justified. They are usually fairly tame, lots of older people at my work.