Husband can't stand the cats - what to do?

[Melody7]

I need some help, please. I have 2 beautiful cats and have had them for about 18 months now. My 2 children enjoy them (3.9yrs & 7mths) as do I, but my husband most definitely does not. We've just come back home after being away for 1 month (cats were in a cattery) and my husband has found nothing nice to say about them since our return, in fact it's been the opposite.

Everything they do seems to annoy him: their meowing (which he likens to whinging), being under his feet, jumping on the benches, trying to snuggle him too close up to his face (he doesn't mind them on his lap). He's trying to fix something in the house today and a cat was wandering around his feet - DH said he'll probably die by tripping over a cat.*
He can't stand it when they spew up on the carpet or if he finds something they've pilfered from a plate.*

He's decided he's not going to deal with any of that (spew, poo, mess) - which leaves it all up to me. Its quite isolating as I've grown up with a dad and mum that both loved our animals and shared the load.

I think my cats are lovely, some things they do ARE annoying at times, but I've grown up with many animals and am more tolerant of their behaviours.

My husband's attitude is dampening my enjoyment of pet ownership. I find myself trying to shut the cats away so they're not around him, or quickly tidying up their mess before he can see it, so it doesn't give him another reason to not like them.*

As sad as it may be, I'm looking at 15+ years of cat life here, and I'm beginning to wonder is it worth it if I have an unhappy, grumbly husband for that whole period? I know, because he's said so, that if he'd known what was truly involved, he wouldn't have agreed to get the cats. His mum had 2 cats as he was growing up, but he can't remember them being this annoying.

We paid a lot of money for these cats (they're pedigree) and they're fantastic with the children, so DH thinks we should at least get our money's worth, and he was on board at the time, but I must say, what life it is for a cat that has to stay hidden away when dad's around? Or the eggshell feeling I get when they are around him?

Admittedly he has been home with them all week and he goes back to work next week, but his attitude is still the same - and there are evenings and weekends to contend with....

Has anyone had a similar situation? What did you do? What advice or suggestions could you give me? Thanks

[Marley&Me]

Hi Melody, does your DH like dogs? If he does maybe look into getting a dog for him. That way all his focus won't be on how annoying the cats are to him. It is unfair to have to choose weather to keep them or not. By the way, did he not mention that he doesn't like cats when you purchased them??

[Melody7]

He doesn't like the idea of owning a dog. The idea of having to walk them doesn't appeal - we'd need a property where the dog could exercise itself. He thought cats would be easier - however they just dont respect his personal space or his house space (although I'm trying to rectify that). He liked them when we got them, but they've just got more and more annoying to him. He tolerates them.

[Astrid]

Is he grumpy about other issues or just the cats? I find my DH is quite good with our cats, until he gets in a mood, then he grumps about them. When I met him he had a cat and was great with her, so I know that in general he likes cats, he just has grumpy bum tendencies.

It may be worth determining whether is it 100% the cats or if he is just using them to vent his frustrations about other things.

[Melody7]

I dont think its much else, just the cats really. I think he can tolerate the cats in small doses, but he's had 1 week with them (having not had them around AT ALL for 1 mth). So it could be a compounded annoyance thing. It's just so unpleasant to see them doing their normal thing and to hear his negative reaction. He even joked tonight that the "pests" were getting payback when my DD was crawling around after them.

It's funny though because tonight, on the couch, he was happy for one of them to sit on his lap and to stroke him... I know that if the cats didn't get under his feet in the kitchen, didn't vocally demand food or pester him for snuggles, he'd be better. But I can't drastically change their behaviour.

Not sure what to do... I'll need to speak with him about his attitude, because if he can't lighten up or be more positive about them, the next 15 years are going to suck...(maybe a bit dramatic, but you get my drift).

[Cranky Kitten]

Hmmm, tricky one. He may well be better when back at work and it is only the evenings/weekends, so a lot of that "annoying" behaviour isn't as noticeable.

Cats can easily be trained not to come into the kitchen during food preparation - simple steps like a stamp of the foot, or other unpleasant noise, a squirt with a small water pistol on the bench that type of thing. And never ever ever give them food in there. If they do have a regular feeding time, feed them directly before he gets home or shortly afterwards, so they're full and less likely to pester for food.

Same goes for bench jumping - make it unpleasant for them, and they'll soon stop doing it. Which means less complaints about pilfered food etc. Spewing on the carpet is a bit more difficult, though it'd depend on the reasons why they're puking in the first place - hairballs maybe, or a change in diet since coming back from the cattery?

If he can tolerate them for small amounts, taking steps to address specific behaviours he finds annoying may well allievate the issue over the long term.

[Melody7]

Hi and thank you for your replies. Things have calmed down a bit since hubby has returned to work, and I've also had a think about a few aspects in relation to the situation that escalated over the last week.

I realise that after having not seen us for 4 weeks, the cats are craving our attention & presence (naturally). We have also come back home to a house with masses of unpacking, kid's mess & general clutter of life (which I know hubby hates). Couple that with jet lag, teething & tired children, I can perhaps understand why he has snapped so much at the cats - they're just another thing for him to step over in our home, and when he's already feeling grumpy, they can't do anything right.

I also think the points raised by some of you regarding the cats being a symptom, not the cause of his unhappiness, could have some validity, but not entirely. As his wife, I will do my best to discover any deeper issues that could be triggering his negative attitude. We strive to be open in our relationship, so I will wait until things calm down a bit & go from there.

In the mean time, I am excited about the idea that was*mentioned - that it's possible to keep the cats out of the food prep area ALL TOGETHER - why didn't I think of that! Squirter bottles haven't had any lasting effect, but I tell you what is working a treat - a water bottle filled with 5 cent pieces! I've only had to drop that in the floor a few times when the cats have come in the part of the kitchen where I am prepping food & they're off like a shot! No yelling from me, so they don't get my bad vibe. They go and sit on a mat or in the doorway to watch & I tell them they're good boys :-) I only have to say "out" now and point & they go!*

I told hubby the new rule yesterday - he looked at me skeptically until he saw how it worked. He thought it was brilliant! This is a major breakthrough, & I'm so happy to see a bit of light in this situation. I've actually been able to enjoy my boys today, which has been lovely :-)

[Phteven]

Clearly it's time to rehome your husband with another family

[Jellybean29]

Clearly it's time to rehome your husband with another family

I was thinking the same, as soon as I saw the thread title I thought, "get a new husband!" lols