For Mums/Dads of Girls, When Did/Do You Talk About...

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I was thinking a lot this morning about how i was bought up and how my mother taught me things has affected the person i am today in regards to beauty, fitness & my body so i was wondering when/how do you plan or did you bring up the following things with your daughter?

1. Shaving / Waxing
2. Periods
3. Makeup / Hair Coloring etc
4. Boys / Sex / Contraception.
5. Bra's

For me my mum was never a very girly girl, she never got me fitted for a bra, never really showed me how to apply make-up, i wasn't allowed to shave even when i had dark leg hair.
I was a late bloomer so periods were basically discussed in health then she bought me pads, never explained tampons as she personally didn't use them.
We had the birds & the bees talk very early on due to other circumstances.

So i know i will be years off with explaining a lot of this to my girls but Miss A often asks when i'm shaving my legs or tries copying me with a tampon once but i'd like to be prepared and as i basically don't wear make-up and am not exactly the most 'feminine' role model i wonder how to go about it all.
When it is time for make-up what do i do, i wouldn't have the faintest idea on how to apply it all

[HotI]

When it is time for make-up what do i do, i wouldn't have the faintest idea on how to apply it all

I reckon Miss A will prob work it out herself and then teach you

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

She could prob teach me now, should have seen her at the hairdressers today, doing everything she was told to do and said to the lady "i need a cut, but not too much it is a curly hair"

Gah maybe we can send the girls to make-up classes together, OR we go to classes together so we can teach them

[HotI]

My younger sister used to always do my hair and make-up and also my mum's make up if we had any big partys on. She was born a diva

[Emma09]

That's a hard one!

I am a girly girl- makeup, I was experimenting with mums makeup from a VERY early age, but I don't remember her showing me how to apply it.
I was allowed to wear minimal make up at 13.

Periods were explained to me when I got mine at 11- IMO, that's too late.

I started wearing a bra at about 11- as I was an early starter.... But I think that if you notice your girls developing- even a small amount- grab some crop tops.

My parents never talked about the birds and the bees or contraception.
I think that depends on the child- but IMO around puberty would prob be a good time for the birds and the bees.
Contraception also depends on the child- but hopefully a nice open relationship with them will encourage them to talk to you about it.

I wasn't allowed to colour my hair till I was 16.
I remember for my deb- I got my hair colored and professionally styled, nails done and make up done- felt very special :-)

[Emma09]

PS- if you want to learn how to apply makeup, try the body shop at Epping.
The ladies are lovely and will teach you what you want to know

[Cranky Kitten]

Hmmmm, some stuff I've started already and have done for a while, others will be left till she's ready to handle it. I favour the approach of having natural conversations about it as questions or topics arise than sitting down and having the big "birds and bees" talk. I'd far rather she feel comfortable and open that she can talk about anything and everything with me rather than how I was where Mum handed me a couple of books and left me to figure it out for myself.

1. Shaving / Waxing - she's curious already, having occasionally seen me shave mine (more in summer I'll admit, I'm a bit slack in winter). I'll probably let her start around 12-13 but she's like me, very fine blonde hairs so not a big deal really.

2. Periods - she's seen my pads and tampons in the loo from about 4-5, I explained to her in simple terms what they're for and that women bleed once every month when they're grown. She's come back and asked further questions occasionally since then, each time as she's a bit older I've given her a bit more info and now that she's 9 and starting to show signs of puberty approaching (hips widening, major growth spurts in height etc) I've also gotten her a decent book on what it's all about that we read together and talk about.

3. Makeup / Hair Coloring etc - she's had a fascination with makeup for quite a while, mostly her older half-sister's influence rather than mine as I'm not much of a makeup wearer. I'm thinking for her 13th birthday we might go see a beauty therapist together for a makeup class so she can learn to use it properly and not look overdone. Hair colouring I'd consider around the same age 13-14 or so if she asks about it.

4. Boys / Sex / Contraception. - tough one, this gets introduced in schools far earlier than I'd really like (seriously, 12-13 or thereabouts) but we also have already talked about how babies are made and how come I haven't fallen pregnant before now, so kind of an intro to contraception. But more factual info in relation to her will be around 13-14 unless she asks earlier.

5. Bra's - as soon as it becomes apparent that she needs one. She does have little crop tops she wears now, but they're more kiddish than actual bras.

[Tinks]

My DD is 12.

I talked about periods with DD when she was about 8 or 9.

I took her to get a bra during the Summer holidays because I noticed she needed to wear one (and she had asked for one)

We had the 'sex talk' when she was in grade 5. We talked about boys recently because she informed me shortly after she started year 7 that she was 'going out' with some guy, who dumped her a few days later lol. I haven't spoken to her about contraception.

She asked me if she could wear makeup recently, I said no because she was too young and we'd discuss it properly when she was 15. (it was quite a funny situation actually) I picked her up from her friends place this afternoon and noticed she was covering her face, she had make up on! lol I don't mind her and her friends playing with make up but I won't allow her to wear it to school and she knows that.

Shaving hasn't come up in conversation and she doesn't have hairy legs so we will have to talk about that soon.

ZF, my mum isn't overly girly either. She never wore make up and I don't because I have NFI how to put it on without making myself look like a clown. My mum was always very open with me, much to my embarrassment and I hope I am open enough with my DD that she can talk to me about anything.

[HotI]

My Mum talked to me about periods but as she had a hysterectomy not long after i was born her info on pads was outdated and she had never used tampons. She was describing some sort of belt that the pads attached to. it wasn't until she bought some to put in my drawer 'for when i needed them' that she realised everything had changed since she used them.

[~clover~]

Honestly, for me, all this stuff so far has come up with OTHER kids doing these things & us talking about it.

Leg shaving, I just said when you're grown up, when they were little. Make-up I don't really do either, but girls at school are starting to do these things, so thats when we talk about it. I haven't been asked, it just gets mentioned that so & so is doing this or that & I let her know when I think its appropriate, reasons why its not IMO & the rest she can figure out herself

[Tinks]

I have to agree with Clover, opportunities to talk about many of these things will present themselves - usually when you least expect it.

[Trillian]

For the most part, these things will be discussed as the need arrises. Sometimes you just can't put a specific time line on it.

1. Shaving / Waxing
Ideally I'd prefer my girls to not shave at all. Unless they have significant body hair that is affecting their confidence I'd like to think I'm raising them to embrace their body hair and not conform to the patriachial view that body hair is unattractive. If I had my time again I would not shave at all. However I stopped shaving any pubic hair well over 18 months ago so all my kids see a vagina that is as nature intended it to be and not some p.ornified-pre pubescent vagina (much to DH's disgust ).

2. Periods
As the need arrises. DD1 is nearly 9 so I feel that the conversation isn't far away. She is getting more inquisitive about my pads and asking what they are for.

3. Makeup / Hair Coloring etc
I was never really into makeup so this may not even be an issue because I reckon some girls will model the behaviour they see in their home. I did colour my hair all sorts of colours though and if my girls want to colour their hair there isn't a lot I can do to support them, but I would encourage them to use makeup and hair colour that is organic to lessen the chemical burden on them.

4. Boys / Sex / Contraception.
Again this is an issue that will be talked about as the need arises. The talk about boys and sex is the easy part, the contraception part is the hard one. I really really don't want my girls taking hormonal BCP's. We are trying really hard to maintain an open relationship with them so they can always talk to me about it and hopefully they can come to me when they need to talk about contraception.

5. Bra's
I think DD1 is a long while off growing breasts. She is nearly 9 and showing no signs at all of developing breast buds. She could either be a late bloomer like her father and not go through puberty for a while or she could be like me and almost needing a bra overnight practically at 11. I don't think it's something that needs to be talked about as such, it's one of those things that when you need one, you go and get one.

Overall, in regards to 1 and 3 I would like to think that I'm raising girls who think that these things are not important as they are about looking good and most of looking good is doing it for the menz and fitting in with societies p.ornified ideal of how women should look. I think my daughters are beautiful as they are and don't need makeup or baby-bottom smooth legs to look good. I hate that the patriarchy is going to try to dictate to my children how women have to look and I will do everything I can to break that hold over them so they can think critically about why people use these products and what it means for them. That said however, I know I can only do so much and IMO bodily autonomy is everything and it's their body, their right. But I want them to do these things for them, and not because their friends are doing it or some magazine says it's the best way to catch a man. It might make me seem like a raving feminist, but these things are really important to me. It's hard enough being a female as it is let alone with the added pressure of conformity.

[~clover~]

I have recently started buying DD1 crop tops, at 9. There is nothing actually developing just yet, but she started to get sensitive & the emblem on her school shirt was painful for her. I only buy plain white crop tops, not bra shaped or padded. I really think pretty crop tops are silly & lead to the impression that they are something to be seen, if you get my drift.

And padding... don't even get me started!!

[skybie]

My girls aren't really at the right age for any of the topics but should they ever ask before I think they're ready I'll tell them.
Dd1 has already asked about bleeding from my 'bottom' I told her the truth that I was bleeding from inside my vagina and that it was ok because all older girls bleed. She was worried that I'd hurt myself!
She's seen me shave in the shower, she's never really asked about it though