Hi Ladies,
After a long period away from BB, I am feeling the need to find some old (and maybe new) friends again.
We are very lucky to be blessed with 2 gorgeous children both concieved with ART after numerous losses and heartache.
Should I not just be grateful for what we have and move on in life? That is what many around me would say. However, my dream has ALWAYS been to have 3 children and I just cannot shake it. I'm not sure I will ever be truly content without my "complete" family.
We had 1 frozen blast left from DD's cycle which we tx in july - chem pg. I was not to disheartened as I knew I could never hang my hopes on that one ewmbie -So jumped straight into a fresh stim IVF cycle (day 5 tx) which has just ended in BFN.
I am really devastated right now not just by the BFN but with all the issues that surround it.
I'm not working atm so the costs of IVF become a really significant isssue.
I'm about to turn the big 40 which I had been trying to ignore but is playing heavily on my mind now.
I have not really told anyone about TTC because a) I'll get the standard "why would you put yourself through that again? or "can't you just be grateful for what you have?
b) Its hard not to feel guilty about wanting no3 so badly when many cannot even achieve one precious child
I DO know how lucky we are but I can't help what my heart wants
I guess what I'm struggling with is that I don't have any real support nor feel I can look out for it.
I don't want to upset anyonehere on BB trying hard for no 1 or 2 who would look at me with green eyes. Just wondering if there's anyone trying for more children with IVF and how you deal with it all
We have one frostie from this past cycle so will certainly give that a go in a month or so but after that it comes down to how many more times do we keep going?
DH is not desperate for another but wants my dream fulfilled - however the money will start to become an issue with him soon
Agghhhh, I thought I was far more mentally realaxed this time around but I now realise I still want this as badly as I wanted 1 and 2.
Sorry for all my rambling - just needed to vent!
Last edited by MeredithD; August 28th, 2011 at 10:55 AM.
Welcome back MeredithD. Lovely to see you. I don't have any way to help about your issue, but I'm sure there are a number of women in here who will probably be able to assist.
WRT your signature - if you go to "Settings" at the top, there's a menu on the side with "Signature" which will enable you to change yours.
I still remember you turning up to a BB meetup when your DS was 5 days old. You're a legend.
I have only just had #2, so am not in your position (yet), but have already found myself hoping that this isn't the last child I will nurse. I think that you should get rid of the guilt. Why do we do that to ourselves? Guilty because others haven't had their first or second, guilty because you feel like you aren't being grateful enough for your first two and guilty for whatever other reason we can conjure up. There is nothing selfish about wanting to nurture and love another child, or for wanting to give your children the beautiful gift of another sibling.
It is so hard to know how far to go when relying on ART. Once you start, it is so hard to stop after a BFN when you are always thinking what if it only takes just one more cycle??! I don't know - I don't have any answers, nor does anyone other than you, but whatever you decide, I wish you the very best of luck! You obviously love being a mother and have a lot of love to give xo
I dont think your silly at all to want to try for No.3. Just because you have had a lot of toruble getting there, doesnt mean you need to settle for less than what you want!! I would say there may be a line if physically or emotionally or financially things are really bad after trying for another baby, that you may need to think about how important it is compared to not being able to afford food for th ekids you have, or being too sick to care for them.. but as long as your all good and its all good, then I say keep trying until your family is complete!!! !!!
I just wanted to welcome you back (I was HannahD when you were here last).
I don't think there is any harm in continuing to pursue your dream. As you said, your heart wants what it wants. If you don't try, you'll always wonder 'what if?'. As StarBright said, you need to figure out how far your willing to go to achieve your dream family of 5. It's probably better to figure out where the line is sooner rather than adopt a wait and see approach. It might be easier to be at peace just in case you do reach that line.
That's just my 2-cents bearing in mind I've never been in a similar situation. I really just wanted to welcome you back and wish you all the best xx
Hi Meredith,
Wanting more children doesn't make you ungrateful for the ones you have - regardless of how they were conceived.
We have 2 conceived via IVF and have 2 embryos in the freezeer, so we will most likely go again. I tell myself now that by then I'll be pushing 37, and that will be that - if it works, great, if not.... but I may well feel differently if it comes to it.
I guess you have to balance your heart against your head a bit, especially once money becomes an issue. I hope that little embryo works out for you
I have been thinking about you recently - maybe because our DD's are almost 2 and we went through those pregnancies together. Time has flown by so fast.
Your wanting to have another child isn't being selfish at all, it is what you want and need to complete your family and we are here to support you 100% in your choice. We have now finished our family after our precious little boys were born in May after undergoing another 2 FET cycles after DD but we still have 3 little embryo's in the freezer. Even though we are happy with our family I still can't bring myself to advise the clinic to "destroy" those remaining embryo's due to the What If's.
Fingers crossed your little frostie is your beautiful No 3 baby, but we are here to support you with whatever decision you make moving forward.
Hi Meredith, welcome back. You are definitely not alone, I could have written your post my self. Just wanted to wish you well and like Kelly said, hope your frosty baby is just waiting for the chance to be number 3. Xx
Welcome back. While not IVF, I'm doing OS after already having two girls. I'm getting a few comments about going to "those lengths" for another baby. After multiple miscarriages trying for #3 I'm also getting negative comments and lots of "why bother" comments.
I don't think there is anything rational or logical about why we want more children. Its something inside us and if your family isn't done, then its not done. I've just turned 41 so I hear you on the time running out thing. I hope there are big fat sticky BFPs for both of us very soon. Good luck.
Thankyou so much ladies. Its great to see some familiar names again. Its been so long and yet it only seems like yesterday I was trying for DD!
You are all right in that you can't stop what your heart wants - I know I will just be so much more content in life if I could just get that last baby out of my system. Just wish it wasn't such an ordeal to achieve that seemingly small wish.
At this stage, I don't even really want to discuss a defnite "end" time because I'm worried about putting that extra "pressure" on any cycle.
We do have the funds but it means eating into savings and potentailly missing out on other family things (holidays etc) which I feel really guilty about. DH is being really wonderful in allowing me to attempt this dream. I know he would probably prefer to go away more etc.
Was meant to be having my pg blood test this morning at clinic but I just left a msg with my nurse to cancel it. I have been pg and not pg aneough times to know I'm defnitely not (HPT BFN and AF don't lie to me!!) - just really couldn't bear getting a call to hear that news again.
Plus, last cycle with our FET, I only had the test in order to go straight into a stim cycle and got the news of chem pg which was worse for me than BFN - brought up all the "what if's " and meant a delay in starting the next cycle until levels came down.
Anyway, I see the FS in 2 weeks so will try and formulate a plan by then - I already need a back up in my head if our one frostie doesn't make it.
Babydreamtime - lovely you hear from you and see you embarking on the same journey. I hope there is a no3 out there for us very soon BTW -My inbox cleared now!
Hi Meredith BB is still saying mailbox is full. Can you try pm me and I can reply? Or if you are on Facebook send me a friend request, my link is under my name xx
Hi Meredith, DH & I are currently trying for no 3 as well. We have 2 gorgeous kids already DS6 & DD3. You can't change what you feel is right in your heart. I have had 4 m/c's (3 while trying for bubba no 3) & have just gone through extensive m/c testing. I'm sure those who know must think "why put yourself through that" but it is what I want. I feel also that we should be grateful that we even have kids & believe me everyday I am. Follow your heart & I hope your story has a happy ending x
Babydreamtime - sorry not sure whats going on with my inbox. I have cleared it completely but also sent you facebook request
Mummytotwo - so sorry you have been going through such a rough time with loss of such precious babies. As you can see, we have lost more than our fair share too. I'm trying hard not to think that far ahead as to how I would cope if we were to have another m/c - just need to get pg first.
I pray that maybe something shows up with your tests so at least something may be done to help you achieve your dreams.
Its hard, when for many the thought of adding another child would be a real "choice" and for us who want it so badly, it does just seem some far off dream.
We are also in the process of trying for no. 3. And as BDT said I could have written your post myself too Meredith. I continually feel guilty and question whether we are doing the right thing when we already have 2 healthy children. I feel like I should just be happy with what I have (which I am - I am soooo grateful to have them) but I love them just so much and they bring so much joy to our lives and I know another baby would be a gift to them as well.
We were supposed to be having a FET tomorrow of the last of our frozen embies but found our yesterday that neither of our two day one embryos really made it to day 3 with any success so will, barring a miracle, be unsuitable for transfer tomorrow. So we are back to the drawing board in terms of another stim cycle which I'm feeling really shattered about as was quietly hoping/optimistic that we might have avoided another stim cycle. So I think we will go ahead with another stim but feel that both financially and emotionally if we didn't get pg from this cycle we wouldn't really be in a position to continue to carry on. (Deep breath........)
BDT - so pleased to see that you have your twin girls. You probably don't remember but you were the first person to welcome me to BB when I wrote my first post many moons ago. So I am thrilled to see your success. Fingers crossed for more of the same for you.
BellyBelly Member
Anyone TTC no 3 (or more) on IVF?
!!!
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