One child families

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I have a list of questions for those who had only one child and for those who only want the one:

Is this by choice? If so, yours or your partners, and did that put any strain on your relationship?

Do you get many negative comments?

Does you child ever ask why they don't have any siblings?

Do you think your child is missing out?

I am asking because i don't know if i want anymore children. After going through such a traumatic miscarriage and then gone on to have two chemical pregnancies i just don't think i can cope with another loss. I know that this will put a huge strain on my relationship with my DP as he wants more children.

Anything else you can add will be muchly appreciated.

[skybie]

not me, but my BFF. we've spoken at length bout her desicion to only have one child.
Is this by choice? If so, yours or your partners, and did that put any strain on your relationship?
Yes, both sides agreed after the birth of their DS that one was all they wanted

Do you get many negative comments?
people are suprised and often ask why, but nothing negative per say

Does you child ever ask why they don't have any siblings?
too little atm

Do you think your child is missing out
no, he has plenty of cousins he can muck around with

[Lily Dust]

Can I answer this as an adult only child? If so.....

Was me being an only child by choice?: No, circumstances didnt allow more.

Did mum get negative comments?: Unsure but as she was a single mother I dont believe so.

Did I ever ask why I didnt have siblings?: Yes, every other week i think

Did I feel I missed out?: Absolutely. I hated being an only child and till this day I still often wish I had a sibling. I hate the rivalry that came with DHs siblings but I watch others friends as they become an aunty and I wish I had that iykwim. But with all that said I am the result of a young single mother not by choice and not of a 2 parent household who made the decison, so Im guessing thats a world apart from what I had??

Its a tough decision but with time Im sure you will know in your heart what is best for you

ETA: FWIW chances are my DD will be only child despite everything I have just said. Not really by choice though...

[maybebabymay]

Hated being an only child and still do. always wanted siblings, was a choice by my parents not to have any more. I felt lonely growing up and grew up way too fast.

Would never by choice have only one child

[HotI]

LMS, give yourself time. You don't need to make any decisions now. Your daughter is still little. YOu and your DP are still young. You obviously have been through some things that you are still working through. Just give yourself a break and let this go for a little while.

[jacklicky]

My hubby didn't want more children (has has some to another partner but i don't really see them as part of our family-they don't live with us or even visit regularly) so that would mean for me DD would be the only child and I hated that thought

Is this by choice? If so, yours or your partners, and did that put any strain on your relationship?
Partners choice and yes I basically told him I would leave. It meant that much to me that DD have a sibling.

Do you get many negative comments?
DH got lots of them when people found out I wanted more and he was refusing.

Does you child ever ask why they don't have any siblings?
No but she is a little but young to understand that at the moment.

Do you think your child is missing out?
From my experience with a large family, yes I think she will. A lot of my fondest memories include my sisters and brother and even now they are my closest friends and support when I need it.

We are alot older as a couple than you and your DH and don't have the luxury of time on our side....If I was younger I think i would just let things go for a while and re-assess in a few years....if you still feel the same way then maybe its time to talk about it.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

LMS, give yourself time. You don't need to make any decisions now. Your daughter is still little. YOu and your DP are still young. You obviously have been through some things that you are still working through. Just give yourself a break and let this go for a little while.

Exactly what I was going to say. LMS

[MamaPan]

for you, I am with HotI - give yourself some time and see how you feel.
as an only child, I didnt have any resentment/issues/problems. i was surrounded by friends and family who i was very close to and mum always took friends on holidays, let me have friends stay etc. i never knew any different and i didnt and still dont think i missed out. its a different experience to having siblings of course, but every family is different.

[Heaven]

LMS, give yourself time. You don't need to make any decisions now. Your daughter is still little. YOu and your DP are still young. You obviously have been through some things that you are still working through. Just give yourself a break and let this go for a little while.

yeah that ^

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Thanks everyone.

Obviously right now i am in such a bad head space and i shouldn't make any decisions right now but i was just wondering what kind of life my DD would have, what her head space would be if she never had a sibling. I know i would cop so much slack from family, there is SO much pressure from family and friends to have more kids. I often hear "so when are you having another one?".. wow could you imagine what they would say if i said back "oh, well you know what? we aren't having anymore.."

[Maruschke]

We copped a lot of flack back when we thought we wouldn't have another. And get this, even after telling them about low AMH and two miscarriages, they still mock us for not having a sibling for DD. WTF! Some people need to pull their heads in.

LMS I am so sorry you are grieving right now, it sucks to go through and I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy. Perhaps recover from the grief (or as it seems to be, learning to live with the grief) before you decide for sure you don't want another.

[widdly]

THe decision to have an only child was my ex husbands. Later after being diagnosed with anxiety and depression I came to the realisation that one child was more than enough for me to cope with.

I have had many negative comments, yes. Only now that DS is at school and I am in a new relationship and my partner and I dont want children together, have my close family accepted that there will be no more babies for me.

My son has been begging for a baby sister since he was 2 years old! Sometimes it breaks my heart a little when he says it, cause in another depression and anxiety free life there is nothing I would want more than a baby girl. DS told me last week that all he ever wants is to be a brother, but really, at 5 years old he cant understand what it would mean for us if we had a baby in the house. If I had another baby just for DS sake, DS could end up hating the baby so that would be a very silly thing i think. DS is lucky that he has 2 cousins and 1 on the way and we are a close family so he sees them a lot.

I think DS would be missing out if we had a baby in the house actually. I would have the energy or patience for him, we wouldnt be able to fun big kid stuff on the weekends without a screaming baby/toddler in tow, he wouldnt be able to spend the occasional night in my bed cause there would be a baby in there. I would have far less money to spend on him.

The thing I say to new mums is, if you want more than one child, then have em close together cause if you wait for your child to go to school you might not wanna go back to the baby days!

[NaeNae]

LMS, give yourself time. You don't need to make any decisions now. Your daughter is still little. YOu and your DP are still young. You obviously have been through some things that you are still working through. Just give yourself a break and let this go for a little while.

Yep exactly this.

I have lost 4 pregnancies so far so can understand your apprehension at going back for more after so many losses. That said I am also 13 years older than you so my baby making time is limited (for my personal comfortability) so the above quoted comment by HotI really does sum up things I would have said to you.

If you want something to say back to people who are putting pressure on you by making comments about "when" your DD will have a sibling you CAN say, we've decided to wait for a few years OR if you are wanting something more to the point just say "when we have another successful pregnancy"

I have actually responded rudely to people when we were trying to conceive and have had no qualms in doing so. Its none of their damn business and when asked I would always respond "when we are lucky enough to have another pregnancy that lasts full term" ...

In response to your Q - a very very close friend of mine was an only child and he always wished he had a sibling. He never was without anything, had lots of friends to play with etc but thats very different to having a brother or sister and he always felt ripped off to a degree. His mother was a single mother (hence no siblings) and he often says when his mother goes its just him left ITMS.

Anyways hun, whatever you decide to do will be right for your circumstances however at this point in time, and at your age, I wouldn't be making any hard and fast decisions. Just allow yourself time to grieve your losses and give your body some time. MOst importantly ENJOY spending time with your man and your daughter.



Nae x

[MumtoA]

Hiya Hun, I can't give you answered t your questions in regards to me only having one but I am an only child so I hope you don't mind me barging in! I remember asking a lot as a kid for a sibling but to be honest after about the age of 10 I pretty much stopped and accepted it. There are def down falls to not having siblings but I don't think it's bad and if it he future we couldnt have another baby I would be ale to accept only having the one. I think if you are an only there are a few things that are important...I played a lot of team sports and went to day care so I could be around other kids, my parents were very involv in all this as well-my dad coached my sports until I was about 16...plus there are other bonuses such as going on great holidays!!! Yes at times I was lonely but I was always very social and have a lot of good friends from my childhood...my girlfriends are like my sisters and I really don't feel like I missed out on anything. I think if you are honest with your girl and tell her the reason for your decisions once she is old enough to understand she will be fine...most important for me was that I was never spoilt and mum and dad treated me as if i came from a family of 8!!!! I think the hardest thing from being an only is that your parents want to be so involved with you that it can be a little smothering, other than that you feel pretty loved!!!