Explaining a very 'adult' situation to DD - no judgement please.
DDs father has got himself into a bad situation and it's going to have big affects on DD - I'm not prepared to allow him to explain things to her in more detail because I just can't trust he'll put her first. I'm really worried about all and have started losing sleep over this so I've decided I'd really love some help understating how to explain it to her but I don't want any judgement please.
My ex is about to have another baby to an underage girl - the baby is due in a couple of weeks. He has been charged and is still going through court for it but overtime her parents have started to allow my ex to be apart of the girls life again. I've known from quite early on that he was underage because he was in trouble by the police for it. DD has known about the baby from early on in the pregnancy although and my ex keeps talking to her about becoming a big sister and has met the girl but she really hasn't been apart of the process much at all (hasn't even feel the baby kick! )
I've always told DD that babies come from love - she was asking a while back and I told her that the man has baby seeds that he gives to a mummy (see, I'm bad at awkward questions on the spot!) - I had read that there is no need to elaborate anymore until she starts asking about it, which hasn't really happened.
ANYWAY, DD went to a 3D scan just recently to see the baby and the girl was in her school uniform she didn't ask her dad about it at all but came home to ask me - and I've avoided the question multiple times but DD doesn't understand how this girl is having a baby when she isn't an adult. And she doesn't understand how it all works when the baby wont be at her Dads house.
I'm so angry at my ex for exposing her to that, not to mention this how disturbing situation.... but that's not what this thread is about.
I need to explain it in an age appropriate way - but I don't know how! I don't want it to be negative about her dad or the girl - and I'm not sure she is old enough to learn much more about sex.
Goodness Ash - not sure how I would handle that as my 5yo is a parrot and it is a complex situation to explain without seeming judgemental. I would focus on the direct questions she is asking and try not to elaborate too much if possible. So if she is asking why the baby is not in her Dad's house then perhaps a simple statement like 'Girls name still lives with her mum and Dad and the baby will stay with her for now'. As to the being an adult, tricky one. Is saying that people choose different ages to have a baby OK? We have had this discussion as my nephew is 19 and his mum was at school with me. I just said that every family is made up differently and people do things in different orders, we have a very interesting family with steps/people deceased so have had some curly questions too.
Simple statements of fact and checking in with her as to if that makes sense and answers her questions will help. Remember if you are ok about it all in terms of explanations she will be too.
Perhaps you could explain that sometimes when people are close to being adults they start to act like adults in some ways and this is why the baby was made.
I would follow Mak's advice and just try to answer the questions as they are asked and try not to go into too much detail. I love how your not showing any bad feeling towards the dad or girl, that is really important and will just help in this crappy situation, well done hun xoxox
I think Mak's post is really the way to go. I think your explanation needs to be age appropriate but give enough information that it doesn't generate different questions. I think the point about families coming from all sorts of situations ie: blended etc... would be helpful.
You're doing a great job hun. Simple honesty is the way to go.
I answer any question dd1 has this way, ie if im on the loo and its that time of the month she might say, mummy you're bleeding are you hurt? & I just say no hunny mummy isnt hurt! She doesnt ask anymore so I dont tell her anymore.
IfShe asks why the baby isnt ather dads just tell her that the baby lives with the mummy just like she does. I highly doubt she'll probe any further
The other girls have given you the same advice I would have - answer the direct questions to the best of your ability and trust that she will form her own conclusions, and that she will be okay. Sometimes we are exposed to sticky situations and our opinions and understanding grows and changes as we get older - for now, knowing that the baby's mum lives with her mum and dad and they will be helping her with the baby is probably going to be enough to satisfy her for the time being.
Please just know that none of us are judging you regarding this situation - it is NOT your fault that your ex has chosen this. People do strange things sometimes and without knowing anything about the girl or her situation, or your DDs dad and his situation, I won't make assumptions about the relationship - it's not my place. I just wanted to wish you and your DD all the best, it sucks that her education about blended families has to be this way instead of a gentler way, but I know you will all get through it okay. Hugs.
Thanks so much for the replies - I don't feel judged at all and to be honest I'm not even sure what I was expecting judgement over lol just a but overwhelmed I think.
I appreciate the advice - I will answer questions as they come instead of worrying about sitting her down and explaining the whole situation to her. I'll focus on taking one step at a time - I think maybe I'm so worried about it because I can't protect her from the whole situation.
Explaining a very 'adult' situation to DD - no judgement please.
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