21 months apart - best parenting tips?

[peanutter]

ok, so my DS will be 21 months when Ziggy lands ...

those of you who have 2 under 2 (or anything even remotely like it!!) please load me up with your best tid bits and advice ...

about parenting, keeping the relationship with DS strong, getting him used to the idea of being a big brother, being gentle, taking care of myself during the rest of the pregnancy and beyond - etc.

what are the best bits of advice you received - and the ones you wish you had received?

what life lessons did you learn?

what did you try which *didn't* work so well?

would love some thoughts


thanks!!

[feeb]

What I found worked best had 18 months 4 days apart

When DS1 first came to visit in hospital I made sure I was NOT holding DS2 and he was in cot so DH could hold him up to see him in cot and then passed him up to me for a cuddle.

We gave him a present from DS2.

We let him touch him lots and kiss him and "hold him" eg us suporting DS2 while he lay on DS1 knee or surrounding him with pillows and sitting beside him on bed.

When home I made up a bag of "special toys" that were easy to do with him while BF DS2 eg jigsaw, books, cars, etc and somethings he could do alone.

Always had a dvd in machine to press play and plenty recorded on PVR.

Made sure his water cup was always full and he had a snack before I sat down to feed.

Once DS2 was asleep I made sure I played with DS1 and cuddled him and made sure he realised he would still get attention.

DS1 was not walking until 21 months so that made life tough getting out to car.

Always got him to kiss DS2 goodnight etc

Tandem BF I always fed DS2 first and then DS1 or if DS2 was on 2nd side would feed both at once.

I think them being so close reduced jealousy issues as he didn't understand as much that DS2 would "steal" attention from him, he always wanted to sit beside him and touch him and was always very gentle (not always gentle now LOL)

Good luck it will be hard but very rewarding having kids close together.

ADDIT: Make sure you make time each day to get out and go to the park, or just a walk in the pram so you dont all go totally nuts!!!!

[FabFiona]

Lol. Patience, a good humour and lots of support.

I'll come back when I'm not so tired from having two children under two!

[HotI]

DS1 was not walking until 21 months so that made life tough getting out to car.

Tougher in one way, but also easier cos you wouldn't have been wrestling a 'runner' and a newborn.

Great tips, i am taking notes cos my two will have a 20 month gap.

[Miss E]

I'm subbing -I've been meaning to start a thread like this too Peanutter, thanks.

Can I add an extra question in... For those who had a CS with their second child, how did that impact on things? Did you have your LO see you on the first day while you were bed ridden, or wait till you were up and about? How did your LO cope with you being in hospital for a few nights and then with you not being able to pick them up etc? TIA

[Bloom]

I have a 21 month age gap - DS2 is now 5 months. There are some fantastic tips by PPs.

My tip (which I'm still remembering to do) is always to take the baby carrier out with you, even if you take the double pram (if you have one). Often I think, I'm just popping in, I'll just put them in the double stroller. But invariably, one or the other wants to get out and I still carry by toddler on my back, when he's crankypants. So always good to have the carrier, because juggling a baby and a toddler without one is really hard!

Also, put the baby stuff out early so your older child can get used to it and over the excitement of a "new toy" (i.e. bassinet on wheels AKA giant car!). Or you can teach them not to touch it.

[Novella]

we had a 23 month age gap so my tips are

-invest in a good sling, having hands free to control a toddler when shopping is a must! Also having an unsettled bub in a sling allows you to comfort them and still do things when at home
- keep a supply of books next to the place you feed, I bfed and DD1 liked attention when I was feeding DD2 and I could hold a book one handed and she could snuggle while I fed dd1
- use the tv/dvd wisely. Save it for when bubs is unsettled or you need to do something then you wont feel too guilty using it
- do what you have to do to survive the first 6 weeks. If that is minimal cleaning and cooking who cares. If it means staying in your pjs all day doesnt matter
- ask for help if and when you need it, accept help even when you dont (you never know if you may have a sleepless night ahead of you)
- take time out even if its only for 20 minutes to have a shower, moisturise and destress once a day without interruptions (read: ban DH from letting interruptions happen unless someone is bleeding or something is on fire!)
- make any needed changes in your toddlers routine as early as possible before baby arrives eg moving into a big bed, toilet training
- use the dryer if it saves you 15 minutes of hanging out and briniging in washing
- let your toddler have time to interact with baby, they may be a little ruff but unless bubs is distressed try and let the toddler have a good look/play with bubs.
- accept that your toddler may have little intrest with baby for sometime as babies dont do a lot of interesting things, but take up mummy and daddy's time and cry
- read some books a bout new brothers/sisters
- have one on one time with toddler when baby is sleeping and let your toddler know its their 'special time'
- if both kids are asleep, prepare dinner then sleep/rest/read a book!

- go with the flow, if somethings not working dont stress do what you need to do keep going and minimise stress

Good luck, after the first three months things settled down fairly well for us and I felt 'normal again'

[feeb]

Tougher in one way, but also easier cos you wouldn't have been wrestling a 'runner' and a newborn.

Great tips, i am taking notes cos my two will have a 20 month gap.

Yes true but hard thing was had to get down 3 steps and then walk around a barrier at edge of road to car so carrying Baby in carrier, toddler on hip and nappy bag was a mammouth effort and tiring thought to even plan!

I agree with a good carrier I LOVED my close carrier and took it everywhere and then at 9 months found he was to heavy so used ergo exclusivly!

[Ginger]

my two boys are 16 months apart and i agree that you need a good carrier. i used a hab up until about 6 months and then an ergo.
i also used one of those fisher price swings quite a lot, its very easy to pop the baby in there and turn the mobile on so that you can spend time with the toddler.
a double pram is a must- i used to put them both in there every afternoon and go for a walk up a dirt road. once ds2 was asleep i would head over to the small playground, park the pram with sleeping baby in the shade and then play one on one with ds1 in the playground.
overall, i found the first 4 months or so the hardest, but mainly because ds2 was a very unsettled baby. it does get a lot easier once you get into the groove of it all and now they are best mates and love each other's guts.

[MamaPan]

My boys are 21 months apart and the tips above are great...

Not sure I have much more to add.. though DH was always v involved with DS1 I think one of the major things is that Dads often have to do a lot more and have that 1:1 time withthe toddler - its a great thing but make sure DH is prepared for it. it was ok for us, he spent a lot of time anyway but i know a lot of families where it was a shock to the system.

One of the hardest things for me is i felt more hjomebound with no 2. we were rarely able to do something as a whole family as someone always needed to sleep - until DS2 went to 1 sleep.

its ag reat age gap now - best friends.

[peanutter]

great tips, ladies!!

DS is already showing signs of readiness, so we're TT over the Christmas-New Year period, and will also be moving him into his big boy bed and new car seat before that ...

I love the idea of some special toys for him, which will be in a special box and just for when I'm bf Ziggy, so I'll organise those too ... and we'll also be getting a gift for him to give Ziggy, and one for Ziggy to "give" DS.

I'm going to go through all these fab ideas with DH over the weekend, so we can plan ahead

[loulabelle]

My two are 15.5 months apart.

My best advice is to just relax. Realise that things aren't going to go as smoothly as before, so just go with the flow. Lots of love for your older child, try to have a special activity with just the two of you that you do every week. Don't push the baby on him, let him discover it in his own time , but at the same time don't hover over him telling him to be gentle etc (unless its something dangerous) and try to keep your Ds routine as normal as possible, the baby can slot in to his routine.

Take time for you! Most important!!!

Goodluck gorgeous.

[loulabelle]

Oh, and remember that it may be hectic and crazy and you may feel like you get no break from being needed, but it does get easier. As the baby grows they will become great friends!

[SammyRo]

try to keep your Ds routine as normal as possible, the baby can slot in to his routine.

.

I found that DS's sleeps just fitted in with DD's routine - they kind of had to lol. So if we were going for a morning playdate, I'd often leave a bit earlier, take a bit of a longer drive so that DS could have a sleep in the car, and then leave the playdate when the next sleep was due. Doing this meant we weren't housebound as I never managed to get them to sleep at the same time.

Stickers are a good thing to have in your box of tricks for when breastfeeding.

Don't feel guilty if there's a lot of tv watching for the first few months - you can break the habit again later (thank goodness for ABC kids!)

Do stuff for dinner that you can prepare in the morning so when cranky hour comes, you don't have to deal with a cranky toddler and baby, and cook dinner. Slow cookers are great!

When cranky hour does hit, pop bub in the sling and head into the garden and walk around with them both. We also used to walk up and down our long hallway. I'd get DD to do things like big steps, side steps, walk backwards, jump like a frog, and that kept her happy, whilst DS was happy because we were on the move.

Try not to worry about how you are going to cope, when the time comes, you just will, because you have to! I remember the first time DH went back to work properly, I was so stressed, but it was fine.

[LuluHB]

Don't push the baby on him, let him discover it in his own time , but at the same time don't hover over him telling him to be gentle etc (unless its something dangerous)

Agree with this 100%. There is only 12 months between my two but I found DD1 was much happier having DD2 around when she wasn't being told to be careful around the baby etc. She's a naturally gentle little person anyway and was great.

I found finding time for DD1 just the two of us very difficult but when I could find it, it was great. When DH finished work I would make sure he took DD2 asap so that I could play with DD1 for a bit.

Throw the rule book out for a bit. In those early days, wonder weeks etc when you have a babe on your boob seemingly 24 hours a day you really need to just go with the flow and do whatever you need to so that everyone stays as happy as possible - including you.

[BlackRose]

Subbing to this thread too, thanks peanutter for starting it!

My kids will be 23.5 months apart. I was thinking of getting a baby doll for us to play with, with him, to get him used to having a newborn around. Has anyone tried this? Does it work.

Thanks for all the other tips too!

[Charlotte91]

Subbing, there's going to be 19 months between DD and Beez.

[RainbowBrite]

My first two are 17 mths apart
My second two are 22 mths apart
And my last three there is 24 mths between all three (11mths apart and 13 mths apart)

I agree with a sling I loved mine and a double pram.
In those first few weeks if someone offers to help let them, a load of washing hung out or dishes done can give you more time to spend with your little ones.
Set your older one up with a drink, lunchbox, toys, coloring books, a movie and if training make sure they have gone to the toilet before you sit down to feed, it makes it easier for everyone. (mind you I learnt to walk around feeding with one hand while doing something else very quickly )
Make one on one time with DD1 each day. Get her to help with nappy changes (handing wipes and nappies), bathing etc...even if she has a baby doll she can do it with you.
Freeze meals before going into hospital it will cut down on cooking time when home and busy with bub and a toddler.
Most of all don't worry about the house, it doesn't need to be spotless. Those first few weeks can be crazy the housework can wait.
I loved having mine close, it can be hard but it is very rewarding too.