I don't really know where to begin. I feel completely dysfunctional. There is so much work to be done around my house, housework, renovations, landscaping, redecorating. I hate the environment I live in and can't even come close to getting on top of anything. I can only do one thing at a time or my head explodes, and there's always 20 more things to do.
I spend all day trying to achieve little bits here and there, meanwhile my 3yo is dying of boredom. While I try to do housework, he disappears and messes up the rest of the house and I'm getting so fed up.
But he's not really being naughty. He does things like try to brush his own teeth (with daddy's toothbrush), or poo in the toilet (but he can't wipe his bum so he ends up smearing poo I don't find for hours or days). Or he's just playing, but his toys end up everywhere.
I just feel like I go backwards. I get angry. I hate myself but at the end of the day I find myself talking really meanly to my children. Telling them to shut up and leave me alone, telling them I don't care about whatever they want from me. I say these horrible things in such an awful tone and I can see how sad it makes ds, he just wants me to be happy and I think he feels he can't do anything right.
But he's driving me insane. I'm the worst mum. I'm so boring for him, I can go for days and we don't even leave the house because I'm trying to do housework, or feeding the baby, or trying to get the baby to sleep while ds makes too much noise, or trying to cook dinner.
I've only got 2 children, but I'm utterly failing. Why can't I function? Why is my house such a disaster? Why am I so mean to my children, who I love more than life itself?
Arrrrggghhhh. How come other people have nice, clean homes and are happy and nice to their kids? I just want to be like that. I hate this monster.
who has a nice clean house with kids? Where? They must hire cleaners. Can you afford one?
You're human. You can't do everything (or not perfectly anyway). Its' ok to let some stuff go. Have some fun days maybe, that involve zero housework. You might all feel better for it.
Your son sounds just exactly like mine - infuriating but I'll bet he's also absolutely wonderful in his own particular way.
I totally understand what you are feeling right now... I am in the same place. And it sucks arse.
I don't have any magical words of wisdom. I am trying to muddle through it and just let go of some things. Letting the housework go a bit to be there for DD1 - her behaviour is so bad at the moment, and I know WHY - she is just desperate for my attention and for me to play with her... It is so hard to do when I have to feed DD2 and amuse her as well now she is walking it is only 10 times harder as she gets into everything and disrupts anything I try to do with DD1...
Anyway, you are not alone! DH and I are considering getting a nanny for a few hours a day, to help me get the stuff done AND have time to give DD1 the attention she deserves and is sorely missing. And I need to work on how I handle her, I bought a book Positive Discipline and it is really helping me change my perception of her behaviour, and by extension, how I deal with it. Which makes me feel better and like I am making some headway (a little bit of confidence goes a long way to helping you feel in control). BUT you aren't a failure, you are doing your best and we are all guilty of knowing we could have done things better or differently, and the very fact you can recognise some things are out of whack, means you can work on getting the priorities right and trying to get back some control.
FWIW, I have a whole new respect for mums of 4, 5 or more kids now - I am drowning and only have 2! I don't know how they do it. You are not alone xx
You are not alone!!!! You are exhausted and tired and worn out!!!!! Mostly you are human, and your able to admit that your not perfect and that your struggling!!! I think you could do with a little break from the never ending cycle of the life of a SAHM!!!!!!!! And some more
My house is a shambles!!!!! I dont have all the things on my list that you have, (I would like to do some renovating and landscaping, but we are renting so I dont have to) I am having enough trouble just getting the basics done!!! I only have the two aswell, and they are just destructive creatures!!!!!! I get through with one room, and while I am doing another, they have destroyed the first!!! And the more time you have to spend cleaning up after them, the less time you spend with them, and the more mess and stuff they get into coz they want attention!!!!
Most nights I finish the day and feel so guilty that I didnt do this or that with the kids, and I vow that the next day I will stop and do something fun with the kids and I wont tell them that I "just have to do this or that first" or "in a minute"... but then the day starts and there is washing to do, dishes to be done and it just all starts up again and I am lucky to take a few minutes out to read a story or get the kids started to doing something so they are occupied enough for me to get stuff done. But that never lasts long coz they want mummy to draw too!!
And then you know what, with all the stuff that NEEDS to get done, still not done.... I then crave something ridiculous like to be able to sit in peace and have a hot cuppa and check out belly belly, or sit and watch a telivision show or just rejuvinate and stop for a minute without being jumped on or grabbed onto!!!! As much as I love my children, I do ask them to please just leave me alone for a minute!!!
I have just gone back to work too, one to two days a week, and then three or four nights. On the nights DH is home with kids, but we pretty much change shifts, he gets home and I take off. He has to do dinner etc after he has had a full day at work, anything I had managed to get done during the day is usually a waste of time as the house is a complete mess by the time I come home (thats a semi gripe about DH too though, when he cooks he knows how to make a mess!!! But then I also understand him not being able to clean up too!!) And then the guilt builds even more because I am spending less time with the kids, so I want the time to be more quality time.. but I have even less time to do the house work, so it ends up I spend more time tired and busy and cranky and living in embarassing filth!!!!!!!
So I have started actually putting the kids in day care for an extra day. Sometimes its still the two days a week, so if I do a night shift instead of the day shift, they still go... or if I am on both days, they go in for a third day so that I can have a day where I either clean like mad or I lay on the couch and chill out!!! I dont know if that is an idea that might work for you, maybe even just for your three year old. I had DS in care when DD was born and I was still at home, just one day a week for that little bit of a break. He will get to get some stimulation and play time, and you get some releif. It may be worth checking out- depending where you live it can be affordable. Especially with the CCB, if you call to get qoutes on places the price sounds astronomical, but once you take the CCB into account, it makes a big difference. You can go to the centrelink site and use the calculators and get an estimate on what your out of pocket expense will be and that might give you a better idea of what your up for. And it might help you be able to feel a bit more functional and not so swamped!!
kuraiza. Feeling exactly the same at the moment. I'm struggling and don't know how I'm going to manage when the third one gets here. It's all a bit overwhelming.
OMG - I know exactly how you feel but I only have one DS (19 months). He is the most delightful boy - he is just gorgeous as long as he has my attention. Cleaning...with him in the room....no no no. If I vacuum or clean the bathroom (right next to his bedroom) while he is asleep he wakes or when he is awake he gets upset.
I am so frustrated by my inability to parent one child that I don't think I can even consider enother. Since I am just about to turn 40 & have massive fertility issues (7 years & 3 angels before DS) it is a very difficult fact to deal with.
today I was cleaning up lunch dishes, DS was in bed & I had a very large knife...it almost went to my throat...what stopped me...DS waking with noone to hear him & the fact that it might not actually work.
Parenting is hard, it is very hard & it is something that people don't talk about. I have a beautiful, wonderful, miracle boy - my god he is the sweetest loveliest thing but it is still hard.
Please don't beat yourself up like I do - I don't want to & I don't want you to.
We are all doing the best we can. The most important thing - our children feel loved & if that takes you taking some time out for a coffee or walk in the park then you should be able to do it without feeling bad. Happy Mommy Happy Children....I try to hold onto that as hard as it can be.
I could have written your post right down to the renovating and landscaping lol. I have 2 of them that are constantly making mess straight after I have cleaned Miss3 is having major tantrums atm and Miss4 is demanding all my attention but Miss7months needs lots too. My poor older kids get next to nothing as by the time they get home from school all I'm capable of is screaming. I hear you about your house being a sty as mine is too. I cannot keep on top of the washing up (dishes) or the laundry. I can't remember the last time I washed the floor but I did read to my girls yesterday and will try to do that every day. They do go to preschool for a couple of days a week but those days are when I make all my appointments or do the grocery shopping. It's a never ending cycle of confusion here lol.
I could have written your OP word for word. You are not alone.
Clean house? What's that?
I work 3 days a week. That's my "break". DS goes to kindy for those three days. By the end of my 4 days at home with my two, I'm tearing my hair out, screaming in frustration and completely unable to do even the most basic of tasks without losing the plot. Like your DS, mine is just craving attention. He gets heaps but he always wants more.
It sounds like you need a break (to state the obvious) I hope you can get one.
Young children always crave attention - it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong it's just that they love you and if they could they would have 100% of your attention 100% of the time.
Housework isn't important but it's easier to feel relaxed in a tidy home - have you heard of fly lady? have a look at some of her routines. She follows a theory of improvements not perfection and cleaning in 10 and 2 minute intervals ie pick a messy room and tidy it for 10 minutes or find a hot spot where clutter accumulates and spend 2 minutes sorting it. Then step away. I found that relaxing about my house not being perfect and implementing a few small routines helped me get on top of the housework a bit and feel better about the stuff I missed.
I find that when the house seems to be closing in on me that going to the park can be a help - things never seem so bad in the fresh air and if I can't see the mess I feel less guilty about it.
Im worried about this for next year as Ive got a busy year ahead... some of the things Ive considered are getting a babysitter half a morning a week to give bubs some learning and attention whilst I get some things done, or getting a cleaner or both.. I looked into house cleaning costs and decided once a fortnight would give us what we need so its only going to work out at $45 a week and they do everything when they are here including cleaning the microwave and showers!!.. I guess its not always affordable for everyone, but its a thought anyway.. I hope you can work something out..
We havent got a useable yard ATM due to landscaping that started in March! It's only been two weeks where the girls can't go out but it is making them stir crazy and we have a messy/ cluttered house.
Get your ds to help, especially with the toys he can put them into boxes and learn to put them away. He can wipe down cupboards or use a dust pan and brush. Things to keep him entertained and let him be near you evoke you do things.
Hi lovely ladies, I'd love to reply to everyone but I'm on my phone and I can't remember...
Renee: thank you for your reply. It is hard. You sound like you're having such a tough time with the reality of things. Thinking about hurting yourself is quite serious. I would really love to hear that you have spoken to your gp about that. There is a mental health care plan that's worth discussing. We all need some help from time to time.
Onyx: fly lady! ! Where has she been all my life? I checked it out briefly, it looks perfect for me. I NEED to be spoonfed like a baby.
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Not functioning.
I totally understand what you are feeling right now... I am in the same place. And it sucks arse.
Miss3 is having major tantrums atm and Miss4 is demanding all my attention but Miss7months needs lots too. My poor older kids get next to nothing as by the time they get home from school all I'm capable of is screaming. I hear you about your house being a sty as mine is too. I cannot keep on top of the washing up (dishes) or the laundry. I can't remember the last time I washed the floor but I did read to my girls yesterday and will try to do that every day. They do go to preschool for a couple of days a week but those days are when I make all my appointments or do the grocery shopping. It's a never ending cycle of confusion here lol.
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