Bout 5 weeks ago my mum told us that my grandfather (her dad) had been diagnosed with cancer and had 6-12 months to live but was closer to 6 months.
We have since found out we are expecting baby number 2 and were thinking of telling our extended families over Christmas. Living in a small town that's the best way so one doesn't find out from gossip.
Anyway. My mum has mentioned that announcing at Christmas with the whole family may not be a good idea as pop may take it hard that he won't be around for the baby and telling in front everyone will be hard on him.
So how do we tell him? What do we say and when? I mean I want to be hopefully that this could make him fight but I don't want to upset him.
How about telling him before Christmas, alone with just you guys? That way he has time to process his emotions before Christmas day. Just a though. I hate getting shocking news in public, even though it is very happy news, I like to process the emotional sad side of things in private. I am sorry to hear he is dying
The thing is we really only have a day before to do it. I'm thinking that even if we tell them the day before its still hard.
Our family haven't been close to mums side in 16 years. This I the first christmas we are spending with then since 1997 due to a fight mum had with her mum and sisters.
I already understand and have a feeling that it won't be liked that I come out with it at Christmas
Wow that is a very tough one. I personally would do it the day before, and let the cards fall as they will. So long as you are soft, understanding, etc, then you are not to blame for their reactions, although I would understand if it took them (all of them) a while to process such news after such a schism in the family. I hope it goes well for you, give it time if it doesn't. FX
My uncle and godfather was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, end stage just before I announced with DS. We were very close.
Before I told everybody I took him aside, knowing he had something he needed to tell me. I told him I'd make him a deal. I just needed six months. He cried and told me it was a done deal.
He got sick the week before I had DS. No-one knew how sick, but I felt like I had to ring my aunt. I wanted her to tell my uncle the next time she visited him (we lived 600km away) that we were having a boy and what his name was. She said no. No he'd be here, but I made her promise. She told him an hour later and he died the next night.
My waters broke just as his funeral ended the next week.
TBH my aunt was glad he always knew. It gave him some hope, and peace at the end that he could still share in the joy of a new child.
I would tell your pop first, in private. Tell him you hope this joyous news gives him the strength to fight a little longer so he may be there to welcome your little bundle. Do it perhaps a day or so early, so he has the chance to process and 'grieve' for himself, ITMS.
i think we might possibly go up and tell them tomorrow. DH is finishing up at work today so its possible. i just never thought of it when i found out and wanted to tell them.
I had found out that I was pregnant just before my Pop really went down hill. He passed away when I was 8 weeks. We kept it from him because we knew how heartbroken he would be knowing he would not be able to hold on too see his great grandchild.
My sister was 5 months pregnant when he passed away. She chose to tell him because she had lost my niece at 20 weeks 10 months earlier and he was crushed. He knew he wasn't going to be able to see my sisters new bub but he was so happy that they were having another baby. He suffered from prostate cancer and secondary bone cancer as well as a multitude of other problems. He was very sick.
Now, with Beez on the way, DH's grandfather has been given 5 months to live and is currently very very sick in hospital. We are announcing Beez on Christmas morning when I will be just over 12 weeks.
We have decided to only tell parents at this stage, as we are unsure how long DH's grandfather will be able to hold on, he's got lung cancer which has spread throughout his body.
I feel it would be cruel to tell him that we are expecting Beez knowing he could pass away anytime now.
That's my story, I know how hard it is. I've been through it and I'm going through it again.
It's not easy and it's not a fair thing to have to choose.
i guess I'm thinking on terms of - everyone knows so he should to. And in a small town where everyone knows everyone (i used to be a rep for a company in town and all i had to say was my maiden or married name and they knew my family) its hard to keep a secret. especially win every member of all our families are all in town.
I know he might not make it and i know it may be hard on him. This will be the 3rd great grandchild for him.
Its one of those situations where if you don't do it and they find out your in the poop and if you do do it you are in the poop
I think Christmas is likely to be a difficult day and emotional anyway, especially if you haven't spent a Christmas with him for a while. I really like the suggestion of telling him a day or two beforehand if you can manage it. Yes he might find it difficult, but he might also find it comforting in a bitter-sweet way that life continues and the family carries on, and the birth of a child brings such deep joy. I think it's better to tell him earlier as it will only be a few months before your pregnancy is visible and then it could be really awkward not to have said anything earlier. Good luck. It might not be easy but I'm pretty sure he will appreciate that you made the effort to tell him personally.
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