DH & I have a reoccurring argument or 'debate' as he likes to call it on bfing. A bit of background on the issue: I had a lot of trouble bfing my DD. I tried but felt very uncomfortable, unworthy when it wouldn't work & I think this as a majority sent me in a mild pnd state. I expressed for her for 4wks before moving onto formula. Once I'd done this a huge weight had been lifted of my shoulders and I started to enjoy being a mummy.
So I am 26wks with bub #2 now. I have given DH the heads up that I I feel the same about the bfing situation as I did with DD, I will try but I'm not going to persevere with it for a extended period of time (to save me slipping into any kind of pnd again).
This is where we disagree. He doesn't think I should give up so easily. I understand he wants me to try but he isn't supporting how I feel on the situation - im the one who has to do it, not him! He just thinks I should push my feelings aside, kind as if they don't matter, just to bf this bubba. Dont get me wrong, I'd love to be able to do it but I also need to think about me in this and having a stressed out & depressed mummy isn't going to help either of my children. I feel I have no support from him and his pressuring me to soley bf is stressing me out even before this bub is born.
I think the worst thing you can do is set up any sort of expectations here. So your DH expecting you to BF no matter what - that's a very stressful expectation. But I also think you need to relax about it all a bit as well, and try not to put any stipulations on how long etc you will or will not bf for. Saying you *will* only bf for a short time may not be realistic, you may very well find that bf is easier this time and that things click more and you're able to keep going. My biggest piece of advice is to try not to put expectations on yourself, your DH or your bub and try to go with the flow
What about you make yourself a plan. Find out lactation consultant and ABA info, so you have a number in your phone if you run into trouble. Figure out what you could do differently this time (if anything). Figure out ways your DH and other support people can help. Maybe attend ABA things before the birth so you're armed with tips for troubleshooting and making things easier.
Then show the plan to your DH - he'll be able to see that you're serious about giving it a go, and if for some reason, even with all that support and preparation things go pear shaped, he'll be able to see you've given it your best shot and might be more supportive.
Don't forget it doesn't have to be all or nothing either. If things are tricky for some reason, some breastfeeds are better than none. All the best!
DH & I on bf
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