Wives of workaholics anonymous! Living with a workaholic?

[Arcadia]

Hi my name is Arcadia, and my dh is a workaholic.

Every year he has a new years resolution to come home earlier or get to bed earlier, but this year has proven itself just as bad as the last ten.

He is an awesome husband and father and does not work to escape from time with the family. Instead he always makes sure he is available to us, meaning he has created flexibility in his job, so that it doesn't matter if the work is done at home or the office as long as it is done (he works in IT so work is available via the Internet 24/7). This means he works all through the night to catch up on the hours he 'misses' by being home by 6:30/7 each night, and helping out on the weekend.

He doesn't complain at all about being tired, but I worry about him. Last night he had 3 hours sleep! Seriously! I mean that is an extreme example, but his usual bed time is 1 am, but often much later.

It really stresses me out how much he works and thrashes himself. He runs a small business and loves his job and is really good at it. We don't earn a profit from it yet, but he gets a wage which is reasonable. He sees it as investing in the future, while I just see the hard slog of the last ten years and wonder when he's going to drop dead.

It's hard because his hours and lack of sleep stress ME out, meaning it's my issue, but I just want a better life for my DH.

My dad is a country GP and also a workaholic, and I can see the toll it's taken on him.

DH and I talk about it all the time, but the talking rarely makes it into action.

Anyone else married to or living with a workaholic? How do I reconcile my feelings? It's not causing tension in our marriage, just personal stress to me!

[shazzi]

My DH is a workaholic too and it drives me insane. He also works in IT and is expected to be available all the times, even on holidays. It causes stress in our relationship all the time for us. I constantly ask him to leave. I would prefer a lower wage and a DH who is home more and less stressed. Happiness now not later. He thinks this job could set us up where as I see it contributing to us falling apart. He is aware the stress he is under is not good for him.

We have discussed this and he has finally agreed that when I return to work at the end of this year he will leave if nothing has changed in his current job regarding the hours he is having to put in.

Sadly I don't believe him.

So sorry I can't help as I do not know the answer. IT is affecting me too much. I often feel very alone in our relationship because of his hours and the stress. (Gosh I am abit doom and gloom this morning, I have a cold and feel crap. The 6 month also has the cold, we slept badly)

[Eenee]

Yep my DH is a workaholic!

[Arcadia]

shazzi it sounds like you need a break. It makes me sad that our men are so overworked. DH hasn't had a proper holiday (as in no emails or phone calls) since he started running the business. Even over Christmas there were several 'emergencies'.

Em, what does your dh do? Will he take time off for the new baby? My dh was working from home while I was in labour and the day after I had ds, and then went back to work within two days. I still feel hurt about that.