11 month old angry at being put to bed?

[blue_hebe]

I picked up a book from the library called "Sleep - the easy way to peaceful nights" by Beatrice Hollyer and Lucy Smith in my quest to find a solution for better sleeping with my 11 month old son. I wasn't expecting an easy answer, just some other techniques to try.

Apart from feeling like the author is berating me for not having done her techniques sooner (in my defense I have been trying the No Cry Sleep Solution with not much success), there are some useful points for me to consider.

The author mentions that her 11 month old daughter started standing in her cot yelling when she was put to bed and concluded that she was just angry that the day had ended and that she just needed some time to sort it out (read: cry it out). The author supported this idea with the fact that the daughter only cried harder when the mother went back into the room, rather than finding comfort in her return.

What do you think?

My son is doing a similar thing at the moment and is ok until I leave the room then starts howling. On the one hand I feel the need to comfort him as he sounds distrested, but on the other hand the sleep deprivation is starting to hurt and if this is a better way to get him to learn to settle then I think I'm willing to try it...

[NicNac]

If he sounded distressed I would personally tend to him. Our toddler went through a separation anxiety phase at this age and was particularly clingy. We also battled sleep issues but chose not to do any controlled crying. There are a variety of other methods that may work for you other than cry it out, particularly if you are on the gentle parenting path. Having said that, sleep deprivation is a monster and you need to look after yourself too.
We used a method where we went back into the room and resettled her if she cried by laying her back down and patting on the bottom. Once resettled, we would leave the room again and repeat the process if necessary. We planned to dedicate at least three nights to this method, knowing they could be three sleepless nights, but she took to it quickly. Sleeping bags can also make it harder for them to stand up in their cot.
Its hard to see the light when you are lacking in sleep and unfortunately, these things are rarely an overnight fix. But in the end, you are his mum and know him, and whats appropriate for him, better than anyone.
Best of luck.

[onthefly]

I can't comment on other people's kids and what they need - and she shouldn't either - how do you feel about it?
At that age, it's quite normal and natural for children to need company to get to sleep. Crying is generally how they tell you that something's not right and they need your help.

My son could not be left alone to go to sleep till he was nearly 2. He might seem fine, but the second I moved toward the door he was hysterical. It was a lot of hard work - many hours some nights - but when he was developmentally ready I found that I could leave the room for longer and longer periods of time, till ultimately he just started falling asleep on his own. No crying. No distress.

My daughter is different and on nights when she's taking a while to settle I can sometimes leave her for short periods of time. She lets me know if she needs me. Often the crying etc at bedtime is because she's overtired and manic. She needs to sleep, but just can't manage it. That's when I pull out one of my carriers and put her on my back and rock and jiggle her to sleep. Works a charm.

Sometimes the crying gets worse when I go to her or try to hold her. It's not because she wants me to leave, it's because she feels so bad and needs to tell me. And I think there's an element of relief in it - thank goodness, mummy is here!

You feel you need to comfort your child in distress? I say yep, you sure do Self-settling is held up like some beacon of good parenting but in truth it's just something we all do when we're ready to. The best thing you can do for your child is to listen to their needs and do your best to meet them. So, carry on

[blue_hebe]

Thanks NicNac and MadB.

I should keep listening to my gut. I feel much better attempting to settle him than leaving him to cry. The problem I was having last night was that my attempts to resettle were not working well. I got there in the end, and maybe that's the point. Do what works!

You're right about self-settling being some beacon. I keep flip-flopping between "I'm not being fair to him as I haven't taught him to sleep properly" and "he's just not that good a sleeper at the moment."

I need to remind myself that he's a happy, contented wee chap during the day, so hopefully the nights will sort themselves out soon.

[onthefly]

It does take time. Listening to our instincts is something most of us have to learn to do - it doesn't really come naturally in our modern world.
I reckon it's ok to just go with what works and figure it out as you go along. Personally, I think that's exactly how you learn to listen to your child and yourself.